


Fell in Love with a girl

by Andropedia



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Divergence - Order 66, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Luminara slightly ooc, They are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-02-06 11:36:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 49,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12816681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andropedia/pseuds/Andropedia
Summary: Life happens, even for a Jedi. As the events of a post war galaxy unfold our favourite couples struggle to adapt.





	1. Good Morning Call

**Author's Note:**

> English is by no means my first language; Hence if I so happen to missuse a colloquialism or idiom feel free to correct me  
> Anyways...
> 
> Enjoy :)

**5 APD**

 

The sound of a comlink broke the silence of the room.

 

A few seconds went by, as the device hummed its ever merciless tune. Then it was met with an annoyed groan as an orange arm flailed unmotivated in its general direction.

 

“Hello?” Ahsokas replied muffled by the pillow her face was resting on. Her voice was sleepy and somewhat grumpy.

 

“Ahsoka, where are you?” Obi-Wan's voice was calm as always.

 

_FUCK_

 

Ahsoka quickly rose her head from the pillow and turned to her side. “Master Obi-Wan; I'm sorry, what time is it?” Her eyes were half open, as she was trying to figure out what time of day it was; The early light of day broken by the shadow of the half open blinds reflected of the wall opposite the bed. It couldn't be later than 7.

 

“We were supposed to meet fifteen minutes ago. Is everything al-right Ahsoka?” - His voice rung with the same almost fatherly concern as usual.

 

Ahsoka's eyes shot open; “Yes, yes we--” She interrupted herself “ _I_ overslept. I'm sorry Master, I will be there as soon as possible!”

 

_DON'T_

 

Her fingers grabbed the yellow hand caressing her hip, slowly trying the crawl beneath her top and inside her panties. A moment later a kiss on her rear head-tail followed by a faint sigh send shivers down her back.

 

“I know you returned just yesterday, but we have important matters to attend to.” There was not the slightest bit of anger or disappointment in his voice. “It probably won't take too long. But with the conclave in full swing the council has a very busy schedule.”

 

She placed their hands in a hug in front of her body. The warmth of her lovers face pressing against the back of her head calmed the tension the sudden wake-up had created.

 

“I'm very sorry master, I--” Ahsoka tried to apologize again, but the older Jedi cut her off.

 

“Don't worry, I have already excused you with Master Windu, and Commander Rex will cover for you in council debriefing. Just see to getting here for the strategy meeting in an hour. Republic Intelligence thinks they have something on Ventrees. We can discuss the details when you are here.”

 

“Thanks Master. I'll be there at once.” - The Togruta finally gained her composure.

 

Ahsoka wondered if he would have been as understanding if this was a holo call. Then again Obi-Wan had always been a don't-ask-don't-tell kind of guy on practically anything she did since she took command of the 501st. Why would this be any different?

 

“Oh, and Ahsoka...”

 

_Oh no._ – Ahsoka knew that tone. What ever came next would probably result in a hostage situation, a battle on an outer rim mining colony or week long negotiations involving a species that wasn't perceptive to Jedi mind tricks.

 

“Senator Amidala just landed on Coruscant and has extended lunch invitations. You may want to dress for the occasion.”

 

That was no relieve at all. She pondered whether she should ask what this was about, but opted for a snappy replay; “What is that supposed to mean, Master?”

 

“I am well aware you own a pair of formal robes, no need to show up in your battle harness.” He answered cheerfully.

 

Ahsoka couldn't help, but rolled her eyes.

 

“I saw that!”

 

The connection ended before she could say anything else.

 

“Duty calls.” Ahsoka proclaimed hesitant. Getting out of this bed was on the very top of the list of things she didn't want to do right now.

 

“Don't leave yet” - Barriss pulled her closer and somehow managed to wrap her other arm around Ahsoka from under her. Ahsoka closed her eyes to enjoy the warmth of her love a few more moments. When they were still padawans, this was how she always would have imagined it when longingly looking at Barriss from the corner of her eye or during her lonely day dreams when they weren't together. The Mirialan squeezed her even tighter. A few moments went by as they lay there in silence, only accompanied by soft breathing and tranquil heartbeats.

 

“When will you be back?” Barriss kissed the back of Ahsoka's head again.

 

Her voice was gloomy and sad. The sadness stung in Ahsoka's heart. Barriss would have every right to be angry; The 501st had returned from deployment just nine hours ago. A good three of which Ahsoka spend in debriefing, while the former Jedi sat in their apartment, waiting for her over dinner that they never had because she fell head first into her pillow the first moment she entered the room.

 

She knew her girlfriend was very understanding, especially towards the duties of a Jedi, but after almost eleven weeks of waiting faithfully the last thing she deserved was to again be left alone in the apartment on one of the few days they could spend together, as the order hadn't much of a concept of leave or holidays. Neither had the clones for that matter; If it wasn't for medical and psychological evaluation as well as maintenance they wouldn't even have the short week they had now. One day of which was already lost, judging from the call.

 

The whole thought made her sad too.

 

“As soon as possible.” - She squeezed Barrisses hands and turned around in her grip, inevitably pushing the Mirialan away from her, only to pull herself closer into her embrace for a kiss. Then they lay there again. Eyes closed, their foreheads touch. After a few moments Ahsoka kissed her again. The kiss was gentle and followed by pause, but eventually turned into a passionate exchange of kisses and caresses that went on for a view minutes.

 

Then the Togruta pulled away partially dragging her lovers lip with hers for a moment before she pushed her on her back, swung herself on top of her and began to reach under the black velvet pyjama shirt separating her from the soft yellow skin she craved more than anything else right now. Her orange skin now glowed bright red with passion, where the Mirialans face lit up in tones of warm brown as her hands moved over Barriss's body, accompanied by a soft moan.

 

Their blue eyes met again, as Ahsoka leant forward for another kiss, while pulling the top over her lovers shoulders.

 

“I missed you.” Her girlfriend declared softly. Ahsoka suddenly grew unsure whether she should proceed any further. The way she said that had a certain sound to it and she suddenly feared she was forcing herself onto her.

“But now I'm here.” She smiled, let her fingers brush through her lovers short, earthy brown hair, and kissed her again, as if she wanted to reaffirm the statement. She then wanted to pull away, but Barriss, who could clearly feel her emotions, grabbed her in a hug; Digging her fingers into Ahsoka's back, while pulling herself up into anot-her kiss with her, quickly dispelling any doubts.

 

Relieved of any worry, the Togruta's hands now hastily moved down the sides of the Mirialan's waist, grabbing the waistband of her pyjama pants, pulling them over her butt, revealing her sex.

Barriss wiggled her legs to completely get rid of her pants while Ahsoka removed the white top she was wearing, revealing her toned body and smaller breasts.

For a short moment Barriss just looked at her, examining the many smaller and bigger scars covering Ahsoka's abdomen to look for additions. Almost all of them were so faint that one had to know they were there to make them out. Small cuts and grazes of blaster bolts and shrapnel. A burn from a near miss of Ventress's lightsaber. Amongst these fading memories only one stood out; A blaster wound sustained from a direct hit on her left side. It was well healed like the rest of them, but had a noticeable lighter colour and a palpable indentation. A memory of the day Barriss had known the fear of loss the Jedi code warned about, but also the day that saw the onset of their romance.

She wanted to lay her fingers on it, but Ahsoka caught her hand and kissed it. Her movements grew more and more passionate with every moment.

The taller woman now slowly slid down the brunettes body, caressing, kissing and biting her yellow skin. Barriss let out a load moan of pleasure and agony as Ahsoka's fangs dug into one of her breasts. Involuntarily she drover her nails into the other woman's orange flesh. The Togruta exhaled a faint whimper, but didn't let go. Instead she moved her arms around the Mirialan's body to hug her thighs and started kissing her belly, making her way towards her girlfriends crotch.

 

When Ahsoka finally placed her lips on the ochre flesh of Barriss's clit, the other woman started squirming and held onto Ahsoka's montrals. The very intimate touch made the Togruta feel a slight falling sensation.

Now every movement of her tongue was met with shivers and movements, accompanied by moans, as the brunette wriggled in her grip. Her body seemingly tensing at every kiss.

Barriss, unable to sustain her grip on Ahsoka's head now reached out with both her hands towards the Jedi, who happily obliged, locking her fingers with the Mirialan's. A few moments passed as the brunettes grip tightened around Ahsoka's hands further and further while pulling her closer.

“'Soka” - The name got lost in a load moan. She struggled to keep her eyes open and look at Ahsoka, but was overwhelmed with the feelings of her girlfriends touch. Small objects in the apartment started shaking for brief moment, as the Mirialan went over the edge with a final cry of Ahsoka's name.

 

Ahsoka placed a parting kiss and sat herself up to look at her work. Barriss laid on her back in defeat. Her hips were slightly turned to the side, her arms laying inert at her side, as she slowly recovered. For a while she admired the other woman's slender physique. Although Barriss herself would most likely disagree, unlike Ahsoka herself she had a softness and beauty about her that could at times be breathtaking. Though she wasn't at all, to someone who didn't know her, she might even appear frail.

 

When her girlfriend reopened her beautiful, almond-shaped eyes to meet her gaze, the Togruta leaned forward to kiss her again. Happily accepting the embrace, her girlfriend pulled her into an affectionate hug. As the Mirialan had regained her composure, she now slowly started grinding her leg against Ahsoka. But the other woman enclosed her face in her hands and kissed her a last time before rolling towards the edge of the bed.

 

“Sorry, time is up.” she said sheepishly, smiling back at her girlfriend.

 

“But what about you?” She turned on her stomach and grabbed Ahsoka's hand.

 

“Guess I'll be the altruistic type today.” The togruta replied playfully. “Looks like you are rubbing off on me.”

 

Ahsoka tried really hard to hide her feelings from Barriss's senses. If it was up to her they wouldn't leave bed till sundown. Unless they accidentally fell out. But she didn't want her to feel bad for. Especially considering how bad she felt for _her_. A memory made her smile. They actually did once fall out of the bed; Because of an unexpected rush of arousal Barriss had accidentally kicked her, and tried to grab her as she plummeted off the bed in confusion, ultimately landing on top of her in front of the bed. The laughter that had ensued was one of the few moments she remembered Barriss being thoroughly cheerful.

She swung her legs out of the bed and stood up, dragging the former Jedi with her for a bit as she didn't let go of her hand.

 

“I _do_ have to take a shower.” Ahsoka stated in fake contemplation. “Would be an awful waste if I did _alone_.”

 

Barriss hummed and took a moment to admire Ahsoka's rear in the morning sun; “I think that can be arranged.”

 

Ahsoka was the first to leave the bathroom. A large towel wrapped around her body, as she dried her montrals with a smaller one. “Do you want to do something nice this afternoon?” she called out to the woman in the bathroom, as she wrapped her breast bindings.

 

“Did you have something in mind?” the other voice replied.

 

Ahsoka stood in front of the closet, a grey skirt in her hand. _Formal_   - She sighed and put back her usual outfit.

 

“Since apparently I have to make an appearance at lunch, maybe we can go for a walk in the gardens of the district afterwards. Whatever this is about, Obi-Wan will surely leave right afterwards. We could spend the evening with Padme and Anakin.”

 

She now held an outfit that at first sight looked like a black variation of her usual outfit; Black pants and knee-high boots. Something that looked like a black leather Jedi over robe, but a lot more sophisticated and lighter. Underneath she put on something that looked like on of her usual tops on first sight. A tight-fitting short dress. But this one had dark floral design, was strapless and had long, robe like sleeves. Barriss had suggested to weaken the stitches holding the sleeves so they could easily be ripped off if the need should arise.

 

“A double date then?” - Barriss hat left the bathroom and stood next to Ahsoka, rubbing her head with a towel.

 

“Shame we can't go to a nice restaurant. I mean, not only you and me, but also them.”

 

Ahsoka face suddenly looked uneasy. She wrapped a wide black belt around her waist, attached a matching black and grey Togruta sash, and tugged her shoto in it behind her back. Barriss hugged her from behind and kissed her shoulder. “I don't care as long as we are together. You know that.” She had clearly felt Ahsoka's fear of her thinking of their time together as inadequate. Sometimes Ahsoka wondered how the Mirialan could read her so easily, but after all this time and even with the force she still could only resort to educated guessing.

 

She placed her main hand lightsaber on her belt. “Are you sure you don't want to carry it yourself?”

 

“You are aware you ask me this every time?” Barriss replied appreciative and stroked Ahsoka's arm. “I intent to never use it again. But I want it to protect _you_.” She gently tugged the second lightsaber in the belt opposite to the shoto. She then reached for a small box in the closet and pulled out an extravagant headband and placed it above Ahsoka's face. The headband was polished silver, ornamented with lines of natural looking dark green gemstone, creating a diamond shaped pattern. They both smiled at the Jedi's image in the mirror on the closet door for a second.

Ahsoka then pulled the Mirialans hand from her waist and gave it a gentle kiss. Shortly after, she pushed a few buttons on her comlink. - “Sergeant Cris, I need a pick-up at the Nabooan district landing pad.” she ordered.

 

“On my way general Tano.” the voice of a clone replied dutifully.

 

“I should really go now.” Ahsoka proclaimed sheepishly as if she wanted convince herself.

After a moment her gaze fell on her backpack next to the door; She almost forgot.

“I brought you a gift.” Ahsoka exclaimed. She quickly reached for her bag and procured a heavy, grimoire like book. Although it was written on ageless paper, from the looks of it, it had to be thousands of years old. The binding had been redone multiple times; The different layers showing through each other via holes and stitches.

 

"About the nature of the force and the Jedi – By Jolee Bindo" the cover read. Barriss's face turned to excitement in an instant.

 

“Where did you find that?” She asked eagerly, turning the book in all directions to take a look at its exteriour.

 

“We saved some kind of monk during our last deployment. Apparently a kind of scholar, who insisted we name a reward; So Re--” - she paused momentously - “ _I_ came up with the idea to ask him for something a scholar of the force would enjoy. A few days later he met up with us on our way home and gave me this.”

 

The Mirialan pressed the book to her chest and smiled warmly. She couldn't wait to take a look at this. Even if it would be an insignificant opinion piece by some unknown Jedi, it still was thousands of years old and might offer interesting insights in the history of the teachings of the Jedi.

 

“Thank you so much!” Barriss pressed another kiss against Ahsoka's cheek. “I love you.” she added in Togruti. - “Now go!”

 

 


	2. Friends in high places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Start of the flashback timeline  
> \- originally this timeline was supposed to move backwards but it didnt feel right  
> \- I'm asuming you finished watching the clone wars at this point  
> \- I might expand the second half

**1 BPD**

 

Two hours had passed since the meeting had started. Usual council meetings were quiet exchanges of arguments, politely presented by either party; This one was not. Except for Master Yoda, who for the most part sat quietly and listened to the arguments presented, the physically present masters were all standing, engaged in what could only be considered a shouting match by jedi standards. While the holographic attendees were limited in volume their contribution was no less vocal.

 

“You can't possible consider that!” Obi-Wan raised his voice.

 

“The procedure hasn't been done in centuries and comes at an extreme risk for the subject.” Luminara reinforced his statement.

 

The discussion went around in circles like this since its beginning; Masters Unduli, Kenobi and Koon simply wanted to grand Barriss Offee's request to leave the Jedi order without any repercussions. Although Obi-Wan wondered what interest Plo Koon could possibly have in her case to take such a decided stand for her. As far as they were concerned whatever guilt she could have burdened herself with was amortized when she came clean about her feelings and her plan; Exposing the security flaws of the temple and more importantly the ignorance the high council had towards these concerns among the ranks of the Jedi. Although always a great disturbance of order, any other Jedi would simply be granted their leave as requested. While not as vocal, Masters Billaba and Shak-Ti seemed to support their position.

 

“And you would just let her walk free? At this point she's basically a rogue Jedi!” Master Windu replied, his voice filled with outrage.- “She has to be punished for what she did.” His posture was respect imposing as he stood opposite Obi-Wan, who had his arms folded inside his sleeves in front of him as usual.

Master Windu, Tiin and Ki-Adi-Mundi wanted to make an example out of Barriss's case and punish her for her apparent treason. The way they saw it, she might as well have turned to the dark side.

 

“But she didn't actually do anything.” Depa Billaba added through her hologram. Except for Master Yoda, she was easily the most calm participant in this discussion. Most of the time merely observing.

 

“But her remaining actions speak for themselves.” - Master Nu offered. The older master was gracious as always. Her voice showing not so much as a hint of an emotion towards either side - “While I agree with Master Unduli on the severity of severing ones connection to the force - “,she paused as if she had to consider her words again, “the concerns of many of the members of this council regarding the troubling nature of her supposed plan and motives should not be cast aside so easily.”

 

The discussion was gravitating towards severing Barriss's connection to the force as a middle ground for some while. A proposal preferred by the more moderate and scholarly masters, who agreed that the council needed to demonstrate strength and decisiveness. But even this Master Windu rejected as an option and was still intent to cast a harsh judgement on the Mirialan.

 

“Even so, what she had planed was easily doable without the force. I don't see what severing her connection to the force would do to towards resolving that matter.” He replied to the older master turning towards Obi-Wan. “She must be punished.”

 

“We are not harshly punishing teenage Jedi who come forward in good faith.” Obi-Wan snapped, building himself up in front of Mace Windu. While not a fan of verbal confrontations of this kind, he wouldn't give in on his principles to avoid them. And Luminara's padawan never gave him any reason to doubt her, or her motives. And although he tried not to foster any strong attachment, even only by virtue of Luminara, as far as he was concerned, she had been as much his padawan.

 

“Your emotions are clearly clouding your judgment Master Kenobi.” Mace Windu replied sharply.

 

“And your fear of the dark side yours!” They were now engaged in a stare down. The taller Master Windu looking down at Obi-Wan angrily, who didn't falter a bit. If anything this only spur his fighting spirit.

 

_If he only knew how similar to his master he could be._

 

A faint smile appeared on Luminara's face as she stepped in between them. “We must also consider our responsibility towards the other members of the order.“, The mirialan's voice was determined. “What message do we send towards other Jedi who might hold these views if we punish those who open up about their strong feelings towards our roll as Jedi?” She made a unifying gesture with her hands. “The council makes decisions; Difficult ones, from time to time with the most severe consequences.” - She added a meaningful pause. - “But we are not despots, ruling over our subjects with law and order.” She glared at the human Jedi master now standing to her left as she turned to address the council. “Most of which we dragged out their childhood homes and families to serve a cause that would otherwise never be their own.” She add with a certain amount of regret in her voice.

Her speech had restored a little bit of calm to the otherwise charged atmosphere, but the different masters were still discussion the subject matter amongst each other up close while others addressed the council.

 

“The problem at hands remains.” Kit Fisto's hologram retorted. “As your point stands; If we dismiss her from her duties and the order, she is no longer bound in any way by the jedi code or exposed to our supervision.” Most of the masters gave an acknowledging nod. “And even if we were willing to put that much trust in her individually. We'd create an equally as dangerous precedent as any of the alternatives discussed here.”

 

Luminara didn't know what to answer to that. She wanted to tell him how much the whole plan itself had been out of character for her padawan, and how she believed that she would have never gone through with it in the first place. But whatever testimony of character she might have been able to give would do nothing to strengthen their position. They were most likely convinced she and Obi-Wan were prejudiced beyond any doubt.

 

“What if she was to falls to the dark side after all?” - Master Koth interjected hastily.

 

Obi-Wan was now pacing up and down behind his Mirialan friend, tensely eyeing the opposing masters. He wouldn't want to admit it, but while he was unwavering at Luminara's side, the concerns the others raised weren't untenable. He prepared to make another attempt to point out the injustice of punishing the young Jedi for coming forward.

 

“Also, Mirial is a separatist world!” Master Tiin pointed out; As if Barriss's species was to any concern to her standing as a Jedi. Obi-Wan immediately stopped and placed a hand on Liminara's shoulder to remind her to stay calm. He knew her long enough to know that questioning the Mirialan devotion to the ways of the force and Jedi was one of the few things that could break her stoicism. Most of the masters didn't know her when they both still were padawans, but the graceful and wise epitome of a Jedi, not unlike a certain other padawan, had quite the temper as a student, and only later learned to dim her emotions to the quiet and composed self she usually presented. The last thing that would be helpful now was her challenging Master Tiin to a lightsaber duel. How unlikely it actually might be.

Luminara's posture still tensed from the notion. Unnoticed by the other masters she clenched her fists for a moment. She seriously wanted to tear that pompous ass to shreds. He most likely wouldn't be able to meditate on the nature of the force even if he sat in the middle of a force nexus, but had the audacity to bring Mirial into this.

 

“Didn't she offer enough proof of her loyalty by coming forward about this subject?” The room fell silent. Nobody had expected Shak-Ti to be the one to speak-up next. “From what I read in the report she would have easily succeeded in her plan and most likely got away with it.”

 

Master Tiin obviously wanted to bring her point home to strengthen their argument, but as he tried to speak she continued unfazed and simply spoke up, cutting him off.

 

“What ever conviction towards that plan she had she apparently overcame, not by fear of punishment, but doubt and contemplation.” - her voice clearly projected nothing but rejection of the idea of any kind of punishment - “And not only did she not act upon it, but also exposed herself to our judgement. Which she entirely didn't need to do.”

 

For the first time in the last hours Master Yoda himself gave an acknowledging nod.

 

“It is my understanding she also is a follower of the Mirialan religion?” - Master Billaba asked half rhetorically.

 

Luminara nodded. She was glad someone else brought the subject up. She didn't want to, fearing her being Mirialan too would discredit the point.

 

Master Windu sat down in his seat, folding his hands in front of his face. The remaining masters obviously expected him to offer a counter argument, as all eyes fell on him. For a moment he looked sharply at Luminara who now stood opposite him, her arms folded like Obi-Wan. She was expecting his response as much as anyone else.

 

His thoughts revolved around the dangers of the dark side and the prospect of practically having a skilled force user, who had conflicted feelings toward the Jedi, outside of the order; Exposed to emotions and attachment without any guidance or supervision. Not to think of the Sith lord and his subordinates hiding in the shadows. Even without her plot to bomb the temple he would have thought of releasing a Jedi from the order as troubling at best. Although the council wouldn't usually have much of an option but to comply.

 

* * *

 

Barriss laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling of her chamber. Why did she let Ahsoka talk her into admitting to planing on bombing the Jedi temple? She would had expected the chances of them actually letting her leave the order to be slim without that. Now they would probably throw her into Jedi prison and let her rot. Of course everyone put much emphasize on how she was not a prisoner. But she wasn't free to leave either. There was still a temple guard in front of her door, and even so much as asking about her status earned her nothing but funny looks.

 

“Nice one Ahsoka.” she sighed to herself.

 

“Did you say something?” Ahsokas voice broke her self-pitying trail of thought. The Togruta stood right beside her bed, arms crossed in front of her. Her expression a strange mix of cheerfulness and concern.

 

“Don't you have something better to do than hanging around my chamber?” Barriss asked sarcastically. The thought of Ahsoka staying by her side made her feel uncomfortable. Just two weeks ago she was hell-bend on framing her friend for murder. And now, even after telling her that, she was still standing there, as if nothing had happened. She felt like she didn't deserve that, especially not from her. If Ahsoka knew what pushed her over the edge in her decision in the first place she might reconsider their friendship after all. Barriss sighed to herself. She would give anything to make her feelings go away. Go back to how things were.

 

 _At least this way we can stay friends._ had always be the rational she told herself. Her feelings would fade away eventually, but their friendship would persist. But they didn't.

 

“And what would that be?” the Togruta asked playfully, gesturing with her open hand. She hated seeing Barriss like that. She had learned to deal with her usual gloominess, but ever since she stopped her from going through with her plan she seemed extremely sad and distant. Even by her standard.

 

“I don't know, killing droids, saving a princess from a planet far, far way...” - She didn't want to sound so sarcastic, but the impulse to distance herself from Ahsoka was always there. She hugged herself and tilted her head towards the wall.

 

“Well, there aren't many droids around to kill. And I don't think R2 would appreciate being decapitated with a lightsaber. And what do you think I'm doing right now?” Ahsoka replied. Teasing her would usually cheer Barriss up a little bit. Her annoyance lifting her from her mood, as she would start to berate Ahsoka for being a pain in the ass. But it didn't work. The Mirialan didn't even react at her comment at all.

 

An orange hand was waving in front of Barriss's face. “Anyone home?” Ahsoka asked slightly worried.

 

“You know--” She tried really hard to be sensitive, “we can talk about it again if you want.” The Togruta sat down next to Barriss's on the edge of the bed. “I told you I'm not mad or hurt. Nothing happened and you know I agree with you on the role of the Jedi and the war.” She touched the other girls shoulder, but the Mirialan jerked away.

 

Ahsoka _was_ hurt. Her vision of Barriss's betrayal had twisted her heart like she never thought anything could. She even wanted to dismiss what she had seen as a simple nightmare, a manifestation of her fears. And when she knocked on her chamber door that night she would in all honesty have preferred Barriss telling her that nothing was up. Most likely even if it was a lie. Just to feel the betrayal go away. Instead she had broken in tears and confessed to everything. Ahsoka had wanted to be mad, to be angry and to tell her how hurt she was, but the Mirialans tears were too much for her. She could only hug her and tell her that everything would be alright. Because that was the only outcome she would have been able to accept herself.

And now they were here. Barriss didn't know this, but Ahsoka had practically begged everyone she trusted to help her friend. Master Kenobi and Skywalker got the Senators Amidala and Organa to use their considerable influence to shut down the republic investigation into the case. And somehow Anakin even got his friend the chancellor to sign an order to bury the case entirely. Apparently an admiral named Tarkin strongly objected, but his own opportunism stopped him from opposing the chancellor.

All that was left was the council granting her request to leave the order. Master Unduli and Kenobi tried to reassure them where ever they could, but her master had hinted things were looking more dire than they seamed.

 

“Soon you will be out of here and won't have to see me anymore, if you don't want to.” Ahsoka said sheepishly. Maybe Barriss really wanted to have nothing to with her. The Togruta averted her eyes. She really feared that there was truth to her remark.

 

Barriss wanted to tell Ahsoka how the thought of not seeing her was killing her. Her greatest fear was, that she wouldn't be able to see her ever again after all. Now, that the other girl had sat on her side ever since that fateful evening, she often wondered how she thought she would have ever been able to live with the consequences of her plan.

She finally turned back towards Ahsoka. “And miss out on your obnoxious humour?” The Mirialan tried really hard to sound cheerful. Atleast she succeeded in not sounding sarcastic. A sign if relief showed on Ahsoka's face. Almost involuntarily Barriss grabbed her hand to reassure her intent. The sudden touch startled the Togruta and shivers went down her body. They both quickly withdrew their hands as blood rushed to their faces.

 

The moment was broken by the sound of Ahsoka's comlink. The Togruta exhaled in relief and answered. An image of Master Skywalker appeared, who gave her some administrative task. She was still on duty after all. They exchanged an awkward farewell before Ahsoka left.

 

* * *

 

To everybody's relief the next day Barriss was discharged from her duties as Jedi under the condition of not leaving Coruscant for the time being. Only Luminara, Obi-Wan and Yoda were present in the council chamber. Master Yoda himself showed a lot of compassion for her and her views, and even urged her to join the republic medical corps as a civilian but left the decision to her. Apparently they also arranged for her to be given an apartment in the Nabooan diplomatic district, courtesy of Senator Amidala, and left her with a moderate amount of credits, as she didn't have any money yet. Barriss had wondered why she had so many benefactors, but concluded it was more of a courtesy to the order.

 


	3. The Kids aren't Alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- a bit longer  
> \- a heap of neccessary exposition  
> 

**5 APD**

 

When Ahsoka arrived at the landing pad Rex already stood in attendance. During their stays on Coruscant he would wear the grey officer uniform of the republic military. A sight Ahsoka still hadn't adjusted to after years out in the field together.

 

“General Tano!”, he greeted her dutifully.

 

Ahsoka frowned a bit at the formality. “Rex, we fought side by side for many years, and you know me almost half of my life; If there are no other clones around, you call me Ahsoka or I have you court-martialed.” Ahsoka tried to smiled as cheerfully as possible. The older man, who didn't look very comfortable with the thought, nodded in acknowledgement. Although the young Jedi tried to project her usual light-hearted self, the clone saw right through her. It was very unusual to for her to have an even remotely sorrowful expression.

 

“I am truly sorry you have to come out here after only so little time to get settled.” he offered as they turned towards the exit way. He knew she had been talking about nothing but going home to her love during the final days of their last mission.

Rex's voice was familiar and warm. She would have been able to pick it out of dozens of clones.

 

“No big deal.” Ahsoka proclaimed conciliatory.

 

Rex was having non of it, but was perceptive enough to not press the matter directly. If he knew anything about the young woman, it was that if she wanted to talk she would talk. Though sometimes it helped to give her another chance to decide for herself.

 

“Did Lady Offee enjoy the gift you brought from our deployment?” he asked casually after a few steps.

 

Ahsoka seemed to have wandered of in thought already., but pulled herself together a second later.

 

“Yes, she did.” she answered neutrally.

 

“Only a small consolation for the lost time together I presume.” - For a man specifically conditioned to not burden himself with such thought Rex's analysis was on point as always.

 

“Yes...”, she murmured. Despite the unpleasant wake-up they had made the best out of the morning, and Barriss hadn't given any indication she had any grievances about her early leave. If anything she seemed happy Ahsoka was back. The Togruta had no reason to assume otherwise, yet she still felt guilty for leaving for this ultimately pointless meeting; What ever Ventress was scheming could surely wait, otherwise they wouldn't be that easygoing about the matter in the first place. She knew Rex was onto her, but really didn't want to talk about it now.

 

“Rex, do you mind dropping the subject?”

 

“Of course Ahsoka.”

 

When they reached the end of the platform they were met by Obi-Wan with a friendly smile.

 

“I'd didn't expect you to actually wear something formal!” the older Jedi said cheerfully ironic. He had intended for the notion to lift the mood this morning, but was met by an unfriendly glare. He contemplated investigating the matter but opted to drop it, deducting that three months in the field would be enough reason to be in an unfriendly mood after only a few hours of sleep. Asking about it wouldn't offer any reconciliation.

 

“General Kenobi.” Rex nodded towards the older Jedi who returned the gesture. As they strode towards the command center the sky bore witness to a beautiful morning.

 

“So, what is so important that I couldn't get eight hours of sleep?”

 

Ahsoka hadn't decided whether to take her frustration out on Master Kenobi yet. Non the less her tone was icy.

 

Obi-Wan was quiet confused by the young woman's apparent hostility. On his mind, all she had to do was getting out of bed, make the short distance towards the temple's hangar and get here. Though he understood she overslept the morning after her return, he did every time when he was younger, something else must been troubling her. And did she come by drop ship? He made a mental note to investigate the subject later. Maybe he could offer her some advice. It wasn't really in character for her to project this kind of baseless hostility. If anything was up he'd gladly help his young friend. But for now he wanted to move up the schedule.

 

“I wanted discuss a few other things before the meeting.” he answered friendly, not addressing her tone at all.

Ahsoka decided to not make a scene and listen to what he had to say. He was the master after all and hadn't done her any wrong.

 

“As you know the conclave was convened to address the implications of the chancellor's deception and the reform movement.”

 

The order hadn't really drawn any conclusion from the reveal of Palpetine's identity as the Sith Lord yet. But as the war neared it's formal end, voices asking why the council hadn't noticed a Sith in the middle of the republic, grew louder. Many Jedi thought the order's spiritual handling of the dark side was largely to blame for the situation; As the suppression and feelings and the avoidance of attachment only circumvented the problem: Sentient beings tent to have feelings. Even masters most devote to the code could develop very strong attachments. It was a creeping process no one was immune to. Many of the usual friendships among the Jedi could be considered against the code this way.

 

“Undoubtedly the rather unique arrangement we made for your master will be a main subject for all sides in the discussion.”

 

After Palpetine's death and the birth of their twins Anakin was assigned to _guard_ Padmé on Naboo. Although the whole case was handled very carefully by everyone involved, people had been talking ever since.

 

“We are currently discussing raising Anakin to the rank of Master and offering him a place on the council.” He stopped walking and paused for a moment. “Many of the masters feel conflicted about this, but most of us expect the reform movement to succeed to some degree. His addition to the council would be a strong signal in this regard. And you and I know he deserves it.”

 

 _To some degree_ - They were gaining ground on all fronts. With the war ending the support for the more martial masters, who usually opposed any kind of change, was waning. Now followers of all denominations were calling for changes to the spiritual policies of the order. There was even a delegation of the Guardians of the Whills.

Obi-Wan hadn't made up his mind yet. Many of the opponents of the proposition argued solely on the grounds of tradition. He thought that the dangers of the dark side weren't to be underestimated. But he also knew, the reformers core argument about abstinence from normal cognitive function being a delusional concept, wasn't untrue. Over the millennia the Jedi had thought many wars among themselves. The order almost wiped out multiple times. The dark side was a constant of it's history. While preparing for the conclave he had read the teachings of an ancient dark Jedi named Kreia who raised many interesting albeit troubling points about the Jedi and their relationship to the dark side.

 

“Nonetheless Senator Amidala is staffing up the republic's diplomatic corps and will be heading an effort to consolidate relationships with the former separatist worlds and the outer rim. You don't know this from me, but this is most likely also the beginning of her campaign for Chancellor, as Chancellor Organa won't run a third time.”

 

Although she wanted to be happy for Padmé, a sudden feeling of uneasiness overcame Ahsoka. She had the feeling she knew where this was going.

 

“As Anakin, considering his duties on the council, won't be able to join the mission full time, the council wants to send you, Torrent Company and a smaller detachment of auxiliary as protection.”

 

There it was. A turmoil of feelings started to rise inside Ahsoka.

 

“The mission is set for a year and afterwards you will most likely be able to take your first padawan.” - He made a self-congratulatory face. Whatever bothered her would surely be mended by the good news. He eagerly awaited her reaction.

 

Ahsoka's mind stopped as a single tear started to swell up in her eye. _A year_. She tried to grasp for a thought, any thought, but there was only anger and grief rising inside her. She closed her eyes and tried to contain it, but her breathing grow heavier and heavier with every gasp.

She had enough of it. The war, the missions. Dozens of Jedi, Hundred-thousands of clones and who knew how many civilians had died. And now this; She tried to justify her anger. Instead of letting her return home to the only thing that kept her going for a long time now, she was to be send of on a diplomatic mission to the outer parts of the galaxy for a year. Again dealing with the mess Palpatine and the order had created.

Her every thought now was consumed by her anger.

 

Obi-Wan's expression changed to concern. He could feel the emotions pouring out of her. If she had seemed in a bad mood before, her face was showing outright resentment towards him now. He tried to place her anger as it made no sense. He just gave her a year long vacation with her quasi family. What could be so upsetting about that?

 

“Ahsoka, what is wr---”

 

“General Tano, are you not feeling well?” Rex spoke loud and clear, cutting the older Jedi off; One of the clones hand squeezing her shoulder. Now it was a good thing all the commandos and clone officers were trained to hide their thoughts from a Jedi, or at least bury them deep enough so they wouldn't be apparent to a passive observer. Rex had suspected it to be a precaution regarding Order 66.

 

“No.” the Togruta answered brisk after a moment. The word was the only thing that came to her mind; The embodiment of her feeling towards what Master Kenobi just said, and she meant it. As it left her mouth she had felt a slide relief. But her feelings were still drowning everything else.

 

Obi-Wan now eyed the clone suspiciously. What ever was up, Rex new what it was. As Ahsoka still trembled before him he pondered how to react to this situation.

“We can speak about this later.”, he tried to calm her down after a few seconds. Obi-Wan felt very uneasy about her behaviour. Her well-being was of great concern to him.

 

“Is there something else we need to talk about?” Asking straight to the point seemed the best course of action. “--Your feelings. They are--”

 

Ahsoka tried to regain enough of her composure to play down the matter. She was still fighting the urge to release all the tension build up inside her and snap at him.

 

“I'm very sorry Master. I don't know what came over me.” her apology was supposed to be sincere. She knew he was not at fault for any of this. But right in this moment, she still hated his guts for braking the news to her. The extend of her anger terrified herself.

After another moment she slowly started to calm down. She brushed Rex's hand of her shoulder to signal she was going to be al-right; Although the thought seemed far-fetched at the moment.

 

“If you don't want to talk to me, maybe you should see Master Unduli.” Obi-Wan really tried to help her deal with whatever aggrieved her. Despite knowing the young Jedi her whole life, there were many things she wasn't quite open about. But Luminara was a good listener, if Ahsoka had a problem she didn't want to talk to him about, surely the Mirialan could offer her the needed advice.

 

Ahsoka didn't give a definitive answer to his proposal. She exchanged a look with Rex, who tried to comfort her as much as possible without giving away anything. Then they continued towards their destination.

 

Obi-Wan didn't address her again, as he contemplated the occurrence.

 

The meeting went as Ahsoka had expected. An intelligence officer briefed them on some criminal activities on Nar Shaddaa they attributed to Ventress. Any other time the Togruta would have made a joke about criminal activities on Nar Shaddaa not being an overly uncommon occurrence, but she really wasn't in the mood.

For the most part she stood in the back, leaning against the wall and thinking about this morning. When the meeting ended her anger had diminished to a muffled feeling in the background.

 

During the course of the meeting Master Kenobi had addressed her few times to ask her opinion, but really anyone could have sat in and give the same advice. The thought itself should have made her angry again, but she really didn't care now. All she wanted was to get back.

Obi-Wan was pleased to see her calmed down, but didn't want to risk upsetting her again by asking what had been wrong. Furthermore his schedule didn't really allow for it today.

 

“See you at lunch.” he said friendly when he passed Ahsoka on his way outside.

 

“Yes Master.” she replied meekly and nodded.

 


	4. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter I wrote largely for myself. Doesn't add much to the story progression-wise atleast. But I'm in love with this trope.  
> Hope you like her!
> 
> 0 BPD as in less than a year. "present" and "flashback" chapters are in order among themselves.

**0 BPD**

 

Ahsoka wandered around the ship aimlessly. There wasn't really much to do on these voyages in between missions. Usually she would spare with Anakin or sit in on one of the clone briefings. But neither of those were available right now. She had intended to familiarise herself more with the ship and the crew. But in reality she was just bored and in no mood to meditate. So she looked for something to take her mind off her boredom. After an hour of randomly pulling on doors and hatches, and looking into equipment closets she settled down on her favourite spot on the ship, a ledge above the hangar command post. There she usually sat, observing operations on the hangar deck.

After the short climb she folded her legs under her, pulled out a ration bar she brought and started eating. Ahsoka sighed as she took the first bite. She hated rations. They tasted like nothing and she always wondered how few carnivorous species there actually had to be for them to not produce one she didn't have to vomit after half of the time. Unfortunately she had miscalculated how much real meat she needed to bring for the mission and _maybe_ , she occasionally ate more than she was supposed to. So she was stuck with them for the last part of the journey.

 

After a few minutes on uninspired chewing she finally spotted something interesting to occupy her mind. In one of the service hangars closest to her a woman was working on a drop ship. She watched for a moment to make out any details. The woman was wearing a deck personal overall and had dark green skin. As her posture and build looked near-human, most likely a Mirialan.

 

Ahsoka jumped off her lookout and walked towards the hangar. As she came close she spotted more details; The woman was wearing a black headscarf loosely tied around her neck, not really covering her head. The lines of her face were far more distinct than Barriss's or Master Unduli's, her eyes were narrower, and although she looked like she was in her early thirties, to Ahsoka's surprise she hadn't any tattoos.

While the Togruta approached the service hangar the woman seemed to accidentally drop an engine part she was working on. The sound of the heavier metal part hitting the ground rung through the whole deck.

 

“Bloody piece of shite eye-less nerf 'erder... Son of a hutt … republican design rust bu'et....”

 

Her voice sounded rough and unrefined. The woman went on swearing for a few seconds before she noticed Ahsoka's presence.

 

“Ah, Master Jedi, haven't no'iced ya.” the way she pronounced the title was pretty pejorative. “Excuse me parlance.” The woman brushed her dirty hand against her overall a few times before reaching out to great Ahsoka. This had to be the least gracious Mirialan she had ever seen or met in her life.

 

“Hello, nice to meet you...” Ahsoka shook the technicians hand.

 

“Valstra Hirala, at yer service!” the strange woman said friendly. Somehow the way she slurred her basic made her very likeable.

 

“You can call me Ahsoka!”

 

“Nice to meet ya Ahsoka. What brings you down to the 'angar deck?” The Mirialan turned to the machine again.

 

“Well, actually I was looking for someone to talk to, and you seem to be a pretty interesting person.” A short moment when by without the other woman giving any indication she had heard what Ahsoka said.

 

“Not in a bad way...” She added. She may have insulted the woman somehow.

 

“Hand me the pilex driver will ya?” The woman stretched her arm out towards Ahsoka, gesturing in the direction of the toolbox next to her, while her head disappeared in the machine. The young Jedi concluded this was all the acknowledgement she would get.

 

“May I ask you a question?” Ahsoka handed her the tool she had asked for.

 

“Shoot!” it sounded from inside the engine compartment.

 

“Why don't you have any tattoos?”

 

The Mirialan's head appeared from the ship's entrails, but she didn't look angry or irritated.

 

“Don't have'em, don't want'em.”

 

Ahsoka pondered her response for a bit.

 

“I wasn't born on Mirial.” the technician explained. “A'tually never been there. Grew up on a freigh'er”

 

Shortly after she threw a smaller machine part over her shoulder on the ground.

 

“But didn't your parents...”

 

“Didn't know me father. Me mo-thah was a engine rat like me. Had tattoos though.”

 

So the conversation went on. Valstra worked on the engine while Ahsoka got to the bottom of her biography. It turned out she had spend the majority of her life on space ships. First with her mother on a small freighter, after her death with the republican navy. She seemed to know quiet a lot about engines and technology, but explained she never had any ambitions, so she kept her head low whenever there was a promotion to get. With a bit of investigation Ahsoka even found out that her mother was actually raped, and she hence didn't know who her father was. At first the Togruta felt bad for directing her towards the subject, but she seemed to talk about it freely; She even went on about how her mother had shown nothing but affection towards her and that she considered her father to simply not exist.

After working on the drop ship for about two hours the Mirialan dropped her tools and sat down next to Ahsoka. After wiping her hands on her overall again, she pulled a small container from her tool box. From it she procured a sandwich with thick slices of meat and what looked like some sort of leaf vegetable. The Togruta's mouth began to water, as she eyed the meat hungrily.

 

“Yer taking me for a ride.” Valstra exclaimed ironically.

 

Ahsoka averted her eyes in embarrassment. She had to be looking quiet sad.

 

The Mirialan seemed to know a lot about a lot of things. She rolled her eyes for a moment, then removed the meat from her sandwich and handed it to the girl.

 

The Togruta didn't even finish her thank-you before she dug her fangs into the food, devouring it like she hadn't eaten in days. Her new friend smiled caringly and took a bite from her now lettuce sandwich.

They set there until the next shift arrived. Valstra told stories about interstellar phenomenons. Most of which Ahsoka knew about. But the perspective of the space-farer was very unique. Sometimes she described the greatest wonders of the galaxy as if they were the most common occurrences, another time she would talk about the most trivial astrophysical event as if it was the greatest wonder she had ever witnessed.

 

From there on Ahsoka went to see Valstra as often as she could. The Jedi would fetch and carry around the Mirialan's tools, in exchange Valstra would tell her stories and share her supply of meat.

 

“So, what are yer coming home to?” The older woman asked during one of their breaks.

 

Ahsoka gave her a slightly confused look as Valstra smiled at her naiveté.

 

“Is there someone wai'in for ya when yer getting home?”

 

“Jedi aren't really supposed to...” the subject made Ahsoka feel uneasy.

 

“Isn't what I'm askin'” her friend interrupted cheerfully.

 

“Well, I have a friend I'm really fond of.” She was watching her phrasing. “As friends.”

 

_Ahsoka, you idiot._

 

“Rubbish.” the other woman replied. “What's 'is name?”

 

For a short moment Ahsoka constructed a carefully spun web of lies about her supposed boyfriend in her head.

 

“Barriss.”, her brain betrayed her.

 

Valstra hummed in acknowledgement. “A fair lady then.” the Mirialan paused for a moment, recognising the origin of the name. “If yer into the green type I 'ave to disappoint ya though.” She smirked.

 

“No, I am not....”

 

“She good-lookin?” The older woman needled her friend.

 

“Well, yes but...”

 

“Yer been touchin' lady bids already?”

 

“No, we are not...”

 

“What are yer then?” Valstra enjoyed the way the girl turned form orange to bright red.

 

“She doesn't even like me this way.” Ahsoka blurted out, trying to appease her friend.

 

“So ya as'ed her?” The question was of course rhetorical.

 

“No, you see, I'm a Jedi, she was a Jedi, we are not supposed....” the Togruta stammered.

 

The Mirialan decided to have mercy on her, and hugged the young Jedi.

 

“I might only be a simple tar, right, but if the thought o' some'n throws yer of like this yer shouldn't count on it goin away.”

“A chance not taken is an opportunity missed.” She added.

 

“Says the woman who manoeuvred ten years of service without being considered for a single promotion.” Ahsoka tried to be witty.

 

“I'm not yearnin' for a promotion though.” She stood up and petted Ahsoka's head as she got back to work.

 

They spend the last two days of the flight home with Ahsoka telling Valstra stories about their past missions, about Barriss's plan to bomb the temple and how she left no stone unturned to help her.

 

“Yer really a hand full, girl.” her head again disappeared inside an engine.

 

“Ya mean to tell me she's been all touchy and you ran off?”

 

“She wasn't really touchy!”

 

“Right. Let me rephrase that; Yer suggested she didn't want to spot yer nomore and 'er imidate reaction were to hold yer hand.”

 

“Well yes, if you put it that way. But that doesn't mean...”

 

Valstra waved at her in resignation, as the voice of a clone announced they had entered Coruscants orbit.

 


	5. Somebody told Me

**5 APD**

 

The council had declared a break from the intense discussions of the last hour. Obi-Wan was standing on the landing pad beneath the council chambers and looked at the skyline. The horizon was clouded with intense traffic already, but it was still a beautiful morning; The WeatherNet seemed to operate within ideal parameters today.

 

After a while Luminara entered the vicinity with Plo Koon in tow. He watched as they strode towards him. The Mirialan was gracious as always. He thought about how she hadn't changed a bit, while his hair had started to show the faintest signs of grey. Although it wasn't a fair competition since she wore those ridiculous headdresses at all times, her subtle beauty was still remarkable.

 

“If it isn't the ringleader of the mutiny.” he greeted her merrily. Somehow his sense of humour seemed to be off today though, as he was again met with a somewhat unfriendly look.

 

“Didn't Ahsoka attend the meeting earlier this morning?” Luminara asked head-on.

 

“Yes she did. Why do you ask?” He started to worry whatever was on Ahsoka's mind this morning had caught up with him again.

 

“She didn't return afterwards.” The Mirialan declared with a worried expression.

 

“Return to where?” He asked concerned, but didn't receive an answer.

 

“Is something wrong? She seemed to be very upset when I talked to her before the meeting.”

 

Luminara looked at him in what looked like disbelieve. He couldn't quite place her expression. Again he had no sense of guilt but somehow felt his friend thought otherwise. The woman pinched the bridge of her nose and groaned.

 

“Did you _talk_ to her without me?” she asked reproachfully.

 

“Well, yes.” Obi-Wan offered defensively.

 

“Ben, how are you a Master?” The Mirialan rolled her eyes at him. She couldn't believe a single person could be this dense.

 

For a moment he stood there baffled, as he grasped for an answer. Obviously Luminara implied whatever upset Ahsoka was his fault. The only thing that came to mind was the mission they wanted to give her.

 

“But, we practically did her a favour!” He defended himself. “What could possibly provoke such a reaction?”

 

He gave her an offended look.

 

“Do you remember what I said when you suggested that assignment?” Luminara asked in an unmistakably annoyed tone he had heard many times before.

 

“Well you said to under no circumstance break the news to her without you. But I figured that was merely along the lines of witnessing her reaction.” he explained himself.

 

The Mirialan master sighed. She was still in disbelieve that one of the most praised masters of the order could be so ignorant to his surroundings. For years no less. Then again this was the guy who also spend years around Senator Amidala and Master Skywalker without picking-up on their relationship until they had kids.

She sighed again and turned to Plo Koon who hadn't really followed the discussion, but rather observed the other participants of the conclave taking place inside, trying to make out their inclinations towards the subjects at hand.

 

“Master Koon, please offer us your wisdom!” she addressed the Kel Dor master.

 

“My pleasure.” He answered in his distinct manner and turned towards them.

 

Obi-Wan simply stood there, waiting for whatever wisdom was coming his way. He suspected Luminara had asked Master Koon in on this to mine him for platitudes to annoy him. She always knew how to fluster him, and he knew she enjoyed it.

 

“Master Koon, you know Knight Tano for quite some time.”, she stated.

 

“Yes, I consider her no less than a daughter since the moment I found her.”

 

“Good, good.”, she replied; Obi-Wan could almost sense her smugness through the force.

 

“What would you say to us in the know, was the lowest point for Knight Tano as a Jedi.”

 

The other master contemplated her question for a moment then spoke.

 

“Well. I had great concern about her well-being during the Mortis incident. I couldn't reach out to her, and when I did find her in the force there was only darkness.”

 

“I was there.” Obi-Wan said annoyed, gesturing with one hand.

 

“Please go on Master Koon.” Luminara ignored his objection.

 

“During one of your joint missions, she reached out to me to curb her anger because she felt her heart filling with hatred.” The Kel Dor went on calmly.

 

“What happened?”

 

“She thought your former padawan to be dead, and...”

 

“I was also there!” Obi-Wan exclaimed irritated. “She slaughtered a droid battalion. She did that all the time. She is one of the best fencers we have!”

 

“Those stories don't explain the least bit why she looked at me like she wanted to cut me in half this morning.”

 

Obi-Wan really was oblivious. Luminara looked down and rubbed her forehead, fighting the urge to kick his leg for interrupting again.

 

_Be gracious, stay calm, you are a Jedi_

 

“Please go on.” she said resolute.

 

“The last time, and probably the worst was a few years ago. Right about the time the true nature of the Chancellor came to light.”

 

Plo Koon paused, as he contemplated whether or not he should tell the story. He was fairly certain Master Unduli knew already but on second thought Master Kenobi didn't seem to be _in the know_ at all.

 

“Well, Soka considered leaving the order and asked me for advice in the matter.”

 

Obi-Wan's train of thought, which to this point revolved around how this was the biggest waste of his time in a long while, suddenly ground to a halt.

 

“She considered what?” He asked agitated and shot Luminara a questioning look.

 

“She wanted to leave the order.” the older master repeated.

 

“Why would Ahsoka of all Jedi consider leaving the order. The order is her family. She doesn't have any friends outside, apart from senator Amidala of course.”

 

He went on singing his praise for the Togruta Jedi.

 

“...She is easily the best fighter in her generation. And...”

 

“Why _would_ she consider leaving the order?” Luminara cut the human off.

 

“Well for love of course.” Plo Koon declared. There was a short pause. Obi-Wan's head twitched as he scoured his memory for any indication of such a thing happening right under his nose. Luminara just stood there waiting for the chip to drop.

 

“What do you mean for love? I was around her whole teenage life and I have never seen Ahsoka so much as around a man. Practically the only person remotely her age, she ever spend prolonged amounts of time wi--”

 

_Oh_

 

“Do you mean to tell me...” he asked dumbfounded.

 

 

“Yes.”

 

“So when...”

 

“Yes.”

 

“But when we...”

 

“YES!”

 

He thought about the revelation for a moment.

“And you knew about this how long?” he addressed the other masters in disbelieve after a few moments.

 

“I had my suspicions before, but knew from the way Soka asked me to help padawan Offee during the handling of her case. She tried to hide her feelings, but that was never her strong suit to begin with.” his tone carried no disapproval or condemnation.

“She did ask neither permission nor absolution, and I told her they weren't mine to give if she did and to be careful.“

 

Obi-Wan was quite surprised by his answer. Albeit Plo Koon had an overt sense of family, he wouldn't have taken him for someone to bend the Jedi code that easily; For a moment he thought about how close the Kel Dor seemed to be with his niece too, then gave Liminara a questioning look.

 

“I knew they were close, but didn't suspect anything else at first; She told me after we let her go.” Her face had returned to a more composed look.

 

“Did Anakin know?”

 

“Ben, they sponsored her apartment for force's sake.”

 

It all made sense now. The apparent lack of trust Ahsoka had put in him quite hurt his pride.

 

“You should have objected.” the human replied stern. He was pondering the potential implications, as he still couldn't wrap his head around the fact the young women were apparently lovers.

 

“No, they were happy.” Her face showed signs of sadness. “I love the child; I couldn't have taken this from them.”

 

She hesitated for a moment then added: "Do you know why Barriss planed to bomb the temple? She wanted to create circumstances in which she hadn't to see Ahsoka again.”

 

“So she _was_ falling the dark side after all!”

 

He wasn't wrong.

 

“She _was_ a desperate teenager.” the Mirialan corrected.

 

He concluded further arguing about the subject wasn't going to lead anywhere.

 

“All of this still doesn't explain why Ahsoka looked at me like she wanted to cut me in half this morning.” the original question sprung to his mind.

 

“How would you have reacted if I had told you the council gave another Jedi command over the Mandalore mission?” She hated to pull on that string.

 

“That's hardly a fair comparison.” his heart stung from the notion.

 

“You told me you _hated_ Maul.”

 

“In confidence!” He eyed Plo Koon as their exchange turned quite emotional.

 

“Don't tell me you are still j---” he stopped himself from uttering the word. Nonetheless his usually friendly voice had a certain bite to it. He didn't even meant it, he had simply given in to the impulse to hurt her back. This was exactly what he was talking about and why he still had reservations about the reform movement. _They_ were over for twenty years and he would still be able to use their relationship to attack her; A foolish lapse between two young Jedi, originally intended to satisfy basic needs.

 

Luminara's index finger was now pointing at his chin from beneath in a threatening gesture while she locked eyes with him.

 

“Don't make me go there.” she hissed.

 

The situation went on for a few moments, then Plo Koon parted them with a gesture of his hands: “Let history be history and focus on the present.” he offered conciliatory. “Master Unduli, do you know where Knight Tano might be?

 

The had spent a lot of time on this fruitless discussion already.

 

Luminara shot him a parting glare, retreated from her position and assumed her usual venerable posture and expression. She had seemingly cooled down within moments.

 

“No. She was supposed to return to the apartment after the meeting, but didn't. Lady Offee continuously tries to reach her via comlink as we speak, and promised to let me know if she does.”

 

She sounded concerned.

 

Obi-Wan had also assumed a posture more akin to his usual demeanour.

 

“I'll call up Commander Rex to see if he knows something. She was coming in by drop ship this morning. They should know if she left so too.”

Looking at the situation with the facts, he was worried about her doing something reckless. Although he wanted for her to be happy, he couldn't bring himself to fully condone this.

Even with the overwhelming display of loyalty Anakin had shown by killing the Chancellor despite having to assume he held the key to conquer his greatest fear, and while feeling great compassion towards them, he still had misgivings about their relationship.

 

 


	6. But today is not that day

  **0 BPD**

  

Ahsoka looked around the small room in awe. At first she had wondered how a simple crew member could manage to have her own quarters, but then again Valstra had been with the navy for over ten years. Despite her rank she could probably call in a lot of favours if she wanted. On second thought she wondered how all this stuff fitted into the room; The standard issue quarters for a single person only held a bunk, a desk and a locker. And until now she had thought the rooms to still be rather cramped.

But her friends room held probably three times the amount of furniture and stuff. Opposite to the bunk there was a small couch bolted to the ground. Although it looked old and worn-out it also radiated a certain cosiness. The wall next to the door and the desk was clustered with different lockers and boards, almost blocking the entry to the small multifunctional bathroom. There wasn't much room left to tread in the room.

Under the ceiling Valstra had stretched multiple large nets, holding what looked like tools, clothing and parts of machinery.

On the desk there was a small wooden shrine, like Barriss had had in her chamber in the temple. Next to the shrine there was a framed picture of a young Valstra and what Ahsoka suspected to be her mother, on which the later petted her daughters head as they both smiled happily.

 

“Make yourself at 'ome.” The Mirialan exclaimed, gesturing towards the couch. as she closed the door behind them. With a certain routine she quickly wiggled herself out of her overall and kicked it towards the bathroom.

 

“I'm gonna 'ave a shower, don't break anything.” she grinned and vanished through the small door.

 

Ahsoka slouched down on the couch and took another look around. The remaining walls were clustered with sheets of paper containing what the Jedi though to identify as hyperspace calculations.

 

 _How does she do these manually?_ The Togruta though to herself.

 

When the woman appeared again she looked like a whole different person. She wore a black long sleeve short dress with a turtle neck, that, despite not reaching the ground, looked like something Master Unduli would wear. Underneath she had put a pair of black leggings. She had also traded her headscarf for a narrow black headband, pulling back her short black hair. Her dark green skin was clean and had a little short of healthy look.

 

“You look almost Mirialan.” Ahsoka stated without thinking. The other woman gave an offended look.

 

“Well, thank yer for the bloody kind words.” Valstra said in fake outrage and threw herself on the bunk opposite to the Togruta. After a few moments she sat up, gathered a few pillows in her back and crossed her legs under her.

 

“What are these?” the padawan gestured towards the calculations.

 

“A 'obby o' mine. Me mother actually were a physicist before, well, me.” she paused for a moment looking over to the picture on the desk. “Taught me everything she knew.”

 

“Was?” Ahsoka asked.

 

“Mirialan are all spiritual, right. But they don't 'ave kindly o' these sort of _dis'urbances_.” she said gesturing at her own face. Her look was rather indifferent; The girl still felt like she had again dropped a brick. The Togruta struggled for something else to ask.

 

“Do _you_ have someone to come home to?” she asked sheepishly.

 

The Mirialan smiled at the question.

 

“Yes.”

 

Ahsoka frowned at the taciturn answer and shot her an annoyed look.

 

“Depends on where im goin 'ome to.” the woman explained grinning.

 

“So no one in particular.” the young Jedi stated. Additionally to the fact that the question had been completely fruitless she now felt even more awkward.

 

“Yer still ta'in to yer girlfriend every day?” Valstra saved her. Although the girl didn't feel like she had been saved at all.

 

“She is not my girlfriend!” Ahsoka stated as serious as she could, trying to maintain a stern look.

 

“I'll ta'e that for a yes.” the older woman smiled at her and procured a box of what looked like cookies from somewhere around the bed and threw the Togruta one of them.

 

They had been talking almost every day. Sometimes they simply chatted about the happenings of the day, other times something would prompt a deep philosophical discussion. From time to time they didn't talk at all, going about whatever they were doing individually after exchanging greetings, simply keeping each other company. On occasion they had fallen asleep together, comforting each other with the sound of their breathing. Ahsoka didn't really comprehend the amount of comfort and solace she took in these small islands of peaceful togetherness. In her mind this was, of course, perfectly normal.

 

“So, wotcher gonna do about that?” The Mirialan's voice was more serious than usual.

 

“About what?” the young Jedi asked awkwardly.

 

“About 'er not bein' yer girlfriend?” Valstra sighed at her friends apparent thick-wittedness.

 

“Yer Barriss 'ere, Barriss there, all day long, right. Yer either go on ter 'er, or I'm gonna do it.” She threatened.

 

For a moment Ahsoka pondered the probability of her really going through with her threat.

 

“I don't understand how you are so convinced about this.” She looked a bit lost.

 

“Yer practically spend every free minute together. And from wot ya told me, ever since the chuffin' brain worms yer both 'ave been doin' nothing but tiptoein' 'round the issue.”

 

The Jedi wanted to object to what she felt was inaccurate, but didn't get a chance.

 

“Cop yer act together, get 'er something she likes and be done wiv it.” Her voice sounded almost angry.

 

The Togruta suddenly looked like she wanted to cry. The conflict between her wish for them to be something more and the felt threat of it driving them apart weighted heavy on her heart.

 

“Ya think yer friendship can go'n like this forever? One of yer is goin' to get 'urt. Ya want it to be 'er? Yerself? Ya think yer could 'ave that, 'er turnin' up with someone else?”

 

The notion made the girl lose what ever composure she had left and break into an uncontrollable sob. Upon which Valstra, who of course empathised with the girl, leaped off the bed and set down next to Ahsoka on the couch, like so often enclosing her young friend in a tight hug.

 

“What is so terrible yer cryin' about?” The Mirialan said softly, stroking the back of the Togruta's head. “That future 'asn't 'appened yet.”

 

* * *

 

 

With a quick spring Ahsoka settled in front of the small desk in her quarters and settled her face inside her arms on the desk with a groan. The long weeks in space and on missions took a slight toll on her. She somehow had hoped the separatists would soon be defeated, but somehow their factories and shipyards put out even more clankers and ships than eve before. And while the republic for the most part had no problems holding them back, there were no noteworthy gains for either party. Atleast they got to go back to Coruscant for a short while, as the Chancellor had requested Anakin's presence for some obscure reason.

 

After remaining like this for a few moments she threw her belt and the other unnecessary pieces of equipment on her bunk and dialled Barriss's number into her holoterminal. On these interstellar flights, especially on military vessels, the connection could usual take a minute. She used the time to consider her looks for a moment, but concluded there wasn't much to be done on this short notice anyways. After all Valstra had told her not to worry about it too much. Somehow she seemed very sure in this matter. Ahsoka was anything but convinced of her analysis.

 

About two minutes later the system was done patching the call through communications and the terminal indicated it was waiting for a response, upon which the call connected practically instantaneous.

As Ahsoka had expected, the video feed only showed the empty apartment. Since the Mirialan's schedule was far more consistent than hers, the other girl had configured her terminal to automatically accept calls from her Jedi friend; So if Ahsoka could call her during times she would usually be around the apartment, but wasn't present, she wouldn't miss the call. This arrangement worked very well. Only few times she hadn't been around. In which case the Togruta would simply terminate the call after a while. But usually Barriss would swoop in from somewhere around the apartment in a moment's notice.

 

After a few seconds without her friend appearing on front of the camera Ahsoka let out a faint sigh, with the push of a few buttons she putt on some music to keep her company and produced a data pad from one of the drawers; Vastra had transferred her a book on Mirialan culture, as she thought the girl's _friendship_ would benefit from understanding more about it. Roughly a quarter of an hour went by, and the Togruta was now rather preoccupied by her read and didn't pay much attention to the screen any more.

 

Suddenly, from the corner of her eye, she registered movement on the screen. She quickly rose from her reading to greet her friend, who she expected to be setting down in front of her end of the screen.

 

As she laid her eyes on the screen again she froze upon the sight in terror. In the middle of the room in front of the camera stood the Mirialan butt-naked, drying her hair with a towel, unaware of her presence.

Ahsoka wanted to avert her eyes and alert the other girl to her presence, but she couldn't. Somehow her mind had forgotten how to speak.

As the image of Barriss's naked rear started to flood her brain, her heart began to pound uncontrollably. With wide opened eyes she tried to process the sight. A rush of guilt overcame her for looking, but she also felt a strange happiness she couldn't place. Almost like a burning question had been answered. After rubbing her head for a minute the Mirialan turned around, leaving nothing to her friends imagination. Ahsoka, who was still unable to look away, was taken by the other girl's petite form and yellow skin. She could now clearly feel a heat rise in her, and felt like gasping for air as she had held her breath the whole time.

 

With a sudden movement the other girl lifted her head, throwing her hair back, and rubbing her face a few more times, before throwing the towel onto the bed.

 

A blink of an eye later their glances met over the screen. Suddenly Barriss's faces was turning to the same terror as her friend's, as she in turn tried to comprehend the situation. Her expression turned to a pale yellow, followed by warm brown, while she stood there without moving so much as a finger. For a short while they simply exchanged terrified looks. Ahsoka wanted to say something, maybe play it off or claim the video was disturbed, but again her brain betrayed her; There was nothing but emptiness and the sight before her. After a short moment she, still locking eyes with the Mirialan, awkwardly moved her hand towards the screen and ended the call without saying anything.

 

After this she just sat there motionless, for what must have been ten minutes, staring at the idle screen in disbelieve. She then paced around the small room for another ten minutes, groaning and cursing herself, repeatedly exclaiming “No no no!”

 

 

Valstra of course thought this was hilarious and broke into heartfelt laughter when Ahsoka told her what happened. The girl had half expected this reaction, but nonetheless felt she wasn't taken seriously by her friend.

 

“Don't mock my misfortune!” She exclaimed upon the older Mirialan's reaction. Like in her room she was now pacing up and down the service hangar, wildly gesturing with her arms, while trying to explain the severity of the situation.

 

“So, yer didn't like wot ya sor?” The woman tried really hard to contain her amusement.

 

The question made Ahsoka blush again.

 

“No! I mean yes. I mean....” She let out a loud groan and laid down on the floor, limbs outstretched, looking at the ceiling. The uncertainty and fear over Barriss's reaction combined with the maelstrom of feelings the incident had spurred drove her crazy. The image of the Mirialan girl's naked body appeared before her eyes anew.

 

“I think I'll join the separatist army.” She contemplated half serious. “That will be for the best.”

 

Valstra threw down the tools she was handling, sat down next to her and laid her hand on the Togruta's shoulder.

 

“'ave ya thought about ta'in ter 'er yet?” Her voice, albeit warm and full of compassion, still hinted at her amusement.

 

“The opportunity never presented itself.” the girl groaned again. She really wanted to talk to Barriss when they were on Coruscant after she first met Valstra, but their togetherness had been so nice and happy and she didn't want to ruin that. _Ruin their friendship_. The closest she came when they were going for a walk in the gardens the day before they left again, but someone came by as she just wanted to speak, so she had left empty-handed. Although in retrospect, she had felt really relieved when the embassy clerk had suddenly entered the vicinity.

The Mirialan rolled her eyes

 

“Yer girls are still ta'in to each other almost every day.” the older woman protested.

 

Ahsoka didn't respond. Her thoughts revolved around how all her efforts to not spoil her sacred haven were void now. She wasn't even sure she wanted to talk to Barriss any time soon after this. The things Valstra had said the last time still gnawing at the back of her mind.

 

“ _Someday_ ya will 'ave to.” the Mirialan reminded her, poking on of the Togruta's head-tails.

 

“But today is not that day.” The Jedi murmured to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- so the hiatus is kinda posponed  
> \- if you haven't noticed by now, the chapter titles pretty much give away my pop culture and music taste...


	7. Ahsoka alone

**5 APD**

 

 

Before she took off Ahsoka instructed Rex to tell no one where she went but Barriss if she was to ask him herself. If asked by Obi-Wan or anyone else, they were to tell them where they dropped her off and that she was going to attend to a personal matter. Her girlfriend would be able to figure it out and everyone else wouldn't have a clue because of the vast size of this part of the city.

The Jedi observed the gunship leaving before stepping off the landing pad towards the sprawling market of this level. With a quick push she muted her comlink and continued her walk.

After the meeting she had contemplated carefully what to do. Had she returned to the apartment Barriss would have surely picked up on something being up; Forcing her to either tell her about the assignment or lie to her. Which would ultimately be futile. No matter what she'd do, she would hurt her girlfriend. If she instead stayed away and tried to free her head first, Barriss would likely be worried, but she wouldn't have to hurt her. She would call her as soon as she felt a bit more at ease the Togruta told herself; Discarding the obvious fact she was just picking the path of least resistance for herself, tricking her into believing the outcome would be any different.

 

For some time Ahsoka just strolled around the market, deep in thought about the situation. The past years hadn't been easy, but she never felt any particular problem was unsolvable or would endanger their relationship. After all the circumstances and obstacles they had faced she never thought anything could get between them. When they were younger her being a Jedi and the duties it brought never felt like a particular problem. Their friendship was fine while they both were Jedi, and after Barriss left all their reunions were nothing but beautiful reaffirmations of their mutual love and happiness. But as the war dragged on and her esteem as a Jedi grew more and more, the burden her duties imposed on their relation grew equally. Turning their reunions from precious moments of love into worrisome reminders of their finitude. The Mirialan always told her she didn't care so long they were to be together again, but Ahsoka could clearly feel the strain on their relationship. She would seldom admit it, but her fear of losing Barriss could be overwhelming. Sometimes Ahsoka would even fear that her anger and sorrow would grow out of control, plunging her into darkness and consuming her; But the former Jedi always insisted there was no darkness in her at all and that she should put more trust in her own strength and their love.

 

_And here I'am supposed to be the Jedi._

 

When she finally took a look at her comlink again unsurprisingly there was a handful of notifications, indicating her _family_ and, most importantly, her girlfriend had tried to reach her many times. She took a contemplating look at the clear blue sky above, cursing herself for walking around the streets instead of going home to her love, but decided to go through with her intention of clearing her head, now that she had chosen this path. The Jedi stopped for a short moment and instinctively checked for the second lightsaber on her belt, before walking on.

 

The markets and shopping streets at the upper levels of Coruscant were already pretty crowded and busy at this early time. They actually never were not busy, but the everyday stream of customers added quite the bustling activity.

 

Although she knew the Mirialan would be understanding once she broke the news about the assignment to her, Ahsoka still felt the need to get her another gift as a reaffirmation of her affection, and as an apology. Even though Barriss frowned upon the idea of material gifts she always appreciate the thought. And since she needed to pick up a few other things she decided to go gift-shopping.

 

She stopped and thought about the last few gifts she had bought for her girlfriend; _A headscarf, an antique medical device, a Kyber amulet,_  she recounted in her head and, not completely altruistic, decided to go with some nice clothing. Although her girlfriends style had significantly lightened up since she left the order, Ahsoka always tried to sneak some additional colour into the usual ensemble of black and dark purple. If they were gifts, she would be forced to wear them sometime.

For more than an hour the Togruta browsed different tailor shops and mercers. Always looking to find something that would be suitable for Mirialan culture and be very pleasing for _her_ eyes. Through the many books she had read about it during the later days of her training she had a pretty good understanding how to circumvent the many restrictions and customs imposed by their traditions, which Barriss very much considered part of her identity. When the morning started to move towards noon, she had found a few items that made her final list. After considering her options for a moment she went on to buy a long black dress, consisting of two parts. The upper layer was made of transparent black silk, embroidered with fine floral motives and light pieces of lace, and dark, golden sutures, emphasising the form of its wearer. It wasn't completely closed, but had wide neck, going almost from shoulder to shoulder, still closing right above the collarbone. The sleeves were very short and wide.

The second part, meant to be worn underneath, was entirely made from black lace cloth and had long sleeves, but was rather formfitting and had a few well placed cut-outs, corresponding with the lace applications of the other piece. Barriss could wear most of her scarves with it and according to what she read it was completely compliant with Mirialan tradition; Neither was it completely transparent nor were any of the relevant parts not covered. Although she still felt very gloomy, considering how the morning had gone thus far she was very pleased with her selection.

 

 

When Ahsoka reached the vicinity it was still morning, but the sun was already approaching it's zenith rather quickly. Rays of light shining through the carefully tended to trees. The location was very quiet as usual during the morning. A gardener was quietly attending to his duties and the guard clone in dress uniform strode up and down his path in front of the guard post straight-faced. There were no other visitors but her.

She greeted the guard with a nod as she passed him, as she usually did, and as usual didn't get a response; He just finished his walk, turned on his heel, softly slammed the stock of his rifle into the ground and took the position he would hold the next quarter of an hour.

As the Togruta calmly walked down the aisle in silence she paid little attention to her surroundings; Only briefly lifting her her head when passing the Jedi section of the cemetery. Although no Jedi were actually buried here, a large, natural memorial stone, enclosing a colourless Kyber crystal, reminded of their sacrifices. A few steps in front of it a hologram listed the names of the Jedi fallen during the war. She pursed her lips as the hologram automatically changed pages, revealing the length of the ever ongoing list, while she passed the stone.

After a few minute's walk she reached the navy section of the cemetery. Albeit the section was arguably the smallest, due to the sheer size of the conflict it still stretched over atleast a square kilometre, containing row after row of headstones; Thousands of them, each representing a regular service member, or clone, if they were lucky enough for their commanding officer to care enough to not just leave them in the ditch they died in. The headstones were simple, dark grey square stones, engraved with ranks and names, or designations for clones without nicknames. As she turned into the row of her destination, the Jedi frowned at the inherent notion clones were completely expendable.

Once getting closer to her destination, Ahsoka's heart grew heavier again. When she stepped in front of the headstone, she placed the bundle she had brought on the ground next to her knelled down in front of it.

 

 _Master Chief Machinist Mate Valstra Hirala – The Battle of Corellia_ the engraving read. A golden emblem, half insignia of the republic, half insignia of the order indicated the Medallion of Honour her friend had received posthumously. For a moment Ahsoka wanted to smile at the thought of Valstra scolding her for getting her promoted to a rank appropriate of her service time and merit after all; But the sadness of the morning, mixed with the grieve she still felt over the loss of her friend, finally overwhelmed her. For a moment she tried to fight back her tears, but didn't succeed and spend the next few minutes sobbing uncontrollably.

When the Togruta finally regained the upper hand over her sorrow she wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her robe and sat up straight again. She then unfolded the bundle she had brought and placed it's contents in front of her; A simple, wooden bowl, a small bottle holding some essential oil and a bunch of incense sticks. After considering the objects for a moment, she proceeded to placing the bowl on top of the headstone and pouring the oil into it. A scent of fruity sweetness started to fill the vicinity. She then stuck the incense sticks into the ground in the pattern Barriss had showed her and lit them. For a few minutes she remained there, as instructed meditating and praying for the deceased Mirialan to be at peace with her destiny. Finally she bowed forward towards the headstone before lighting the liquid inside the bowl. The first time she had feared this would also set the bowl on fire, but as her girlfriend had explained these oils burned at a fairly low temperature.

After observing and smelling the burning substances for a while she folded her legs under her more comfortably and started _telling_ her dead friend about the past mission, this morning and all the things that aggrieved her. A ritual she had established for herself whenever she felt she didn't know what to do. After a while her sadness diminished the a faint undertone as she more vividly recounted the scholars rescue, Barriss's happiness over the gift and all the things she had planed for them to do in the next days. In some moments she even forgot her friend wasn't really there.

After she finished her story she paused for a moment, contemplating the advice Valstra might have offered her. When it came to her and Barriss the older Mirialan would always be cheerful and optimistic. Even when Ahsoka herself had thought all was lost.

 

“That future hasn't happened yet.” She quoted to herself, wiping the remains of her tears of her face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I actually thought about this chapter really hard, respectively on where to place the last part in the chapters. The beta ready thought it was good and was ok after the two previous valstra chapters. so blame her i guess.
> 
> Alternative title: "Empty chairs at empty tables."
> 
> Went with "Ahsoka alone" for the obvious reference.
> 
> Also, quick question. How do you like the more minimalist approach to describing things that Clone Wars/Star Wars fans already know respectively the fact that I like to let the not relevant environment to the readers imagination? Would you like there to be 500ish more words per chapter for more precise immersion? I'm actually very font of this "style" but have no clue how well it translates into my english writing.


	8. Time after Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, probably not what you expected. I'm working on 3 chapters simultaneously. This one just happend to be done. and since we are done with ahsokas perspective for a short while I though it fitted nicely in the break.

**15 BPD**

 

Obi-Wan clenched the hilt of his saber, as he assumed a defensive lightsaber stance. His eyes were focused on his adversary; This was the toughest enemy he had ever faced. After a short moment the sound of a saber cutting through the air broke the silence. Parry; Barely. The sparks of the two weapons grinding on each other made him avert his eyes for a short moment. When he turned them back his opponent had almost slipped his line of sight already. With a hasty set of moves he adjusted his orientation. He managed to block the next blow with more certainty, but still struggled to recover in time for the next attack. A few strikes later he had at least adapted to his adversaries rhythm and felt ready to strike. All he needed was an opening. The next attack was a quick trust towards his face he dodged with ease. There it was his chance; His enemy had made a mistake. With a quick side step he set him self up for attack and quickly swung his saber towards the place the figure of his opponent had to appear next; But it didn't. He hit nothing but air. A trap!

 

_Damned, how does she do that?_

 

Before the though completely left his head a training saber came crushing towards his side full force, making him stagger away from the his and exhale in pain. His arm twitched form the electricity of the saber's force field.

 

“Hit!” His master's voice exclaimed cheerfully. As he recovered, from the corner of his eye he could see Qui-Gon remove a credit chip from his sleeve and handed it to Master Hakasho.

For a short moment he raised his hand to signal he needed a moment, while resting his other on his knee. Now he knew why her master had insisted they use training sabers.

 

“Aren't you supposed to be the defensive one?” he whined, as he mustered the strength to straighten out his upper body again.

 

“Make me!” the Mirialan woman replied snappy. Instantly returning to her opening stance.

 

He rolled his eyes as he swung his saber at the ground a few times and again took a defensive stance. For a second he lamented the bruises he would have at the end of the day.

 

“7 – 0 Luminara.” Qui-Gon's voice mocked the human padawan. Then they went at it again. The other padawan had given him a run for his money the past hour, dancing and whirling around him. While he wasn't struggling to defend himself from her assault _most of the time_ , she spent the majority of the fight on only one food and he couldn't manage to so much as grace her once.

 

“Footwork.” the human master's voice interjected, as Luminara danced around his side again. She was faster and more agile than him. That was to be expected from a Mirialan, but her every movement seemed to be geared towards leveraging all of his usual attack patterns and strategies. Usually his style would be geared towards waiting his opponent out, but the sheer amount of endurance the Mirialan presented left little room for that. Even if he would be able to parry every single one of her attacks she would still be too fast to catch in a counter attack. And she didn't make any mistakes. At times he even felt like she was toying with him; Presenting openings, so he would let is guard down and go for a fruitless attempt to strike her.

 

“Hit!”

 

In what could only be described as mercy, she had just softly touched the back of his heel; The shock still made his leg collapse under his weight, sending him to his butt at once.

 

“Do you think he will ever figure out why he can't hit her?” The older Mirialan addressed the human master.

 

“He will--” Qui-Gon shook his head at his students inability to apply the significant skill-advantage he had over the Mirialan padawan, and handed the other master another credit chip. “-- _eventually_.”

 

When Obi-Wan looked up again the Mirialan woman stood over him with a self-congratulatory smile on her face; Her armed was stretched out the help him up. He pursed his lips for a moment, trying to think of a cheeky remark, but couldn't figure anything out; So he grabbed it and she pulled him to his feet; As he was standing again, their faces were only a few centimeters apart; He had never actually been this close to her. For a moment he mustered the Mirialan's face up close. Her lines were soft and friendly, but had a certain roguishness about them. The tattoo on her chin was emphasising her very dark brownish almost black lips nicely. In all the years he knew her, he had never actually though of her as beautiful this way. Her dark blue, almost purple eyes were now looking directly at his grey ones. After a second her look turned to annoyance.

 

“You can let go of my hand now.” she said slightly sarcastic. Thrown of his thought he stumbled a step away from her.

 

“How about we take a break?” the voice of his master asked friendly. The Mirialan master nodded in agreement.

 

“Saved by the bell.” his padawan mocked the younger human cheerfully. When Obi-Wan opened his mouth to reply, she had already vanished inside the building.

 

* * *

 

At the end of the day they were sitting outside the small building overlooking the large, grassy plains of Dantooine. A slight wind was sweeping the fields next to them, creating a pleasant calmness. Their masters were playing some ancient card game inside, not paying any attention to them.

 

“How do you do it?” Obi-Wans voiced asked friendly.

 

“Do what?” the Mirialan replied teasingly.

 

“Make me look like a fool.” his voice sounded a bit annoyed.

 

She paused for a short moment and smiled, looking at the sunset and taking a deep breath of the fresh air.

 

“Most of my attacks are not actually meant to hit you. But you are so concentrated on your defensive form, you take no time to correctly judge my intentions. The dancing around is only for distraction.” She stood up, picked up the training sabers from the ground next to them and threw him one.

 

“You are a way better fencer than me.” her voice was warm in her own distinct way. Obi-Wan wondered why he had never paid attention to her accent before. There was something about it that induced a certain calm in him. With a swift jump he got onto his feet too.

 

“Only defend if you know I'm going to hit you, not every time I swing my saber. It sounds counter intuitive; Use the force.”

 

She took a quick swing at his head. He tried to observe her movements and to judge her attack as she told him. With a swift move of his body he deflected the blow.

 

“Good, now watch.”

 

She took a seemingly identical swing at his head. Again he tried to observer her movements beyond her bladework. Suddenly he realised her body was already moving away from him. There was no way the strike could hit him the way the start of her move had suggested; Instead she was already setting up her next attack. With a quick tilt of his arm he trusted his saber towards her, forcing her to break her swing to deflect.

 

“Sleight of hand!” he exclaimed. She rolled her eyes at his simplistic observation. With a deliberate movement she got into her usual opening stance, gesturing for him to attack. Obi-Wan followed.

 

Their first round went as well as the last few, but Obi-Wan now saw what she meant. He foresaw every of her movements, but was always too tempted to go for a deflect or parry as soon as her blade was seemingly in range of his. A strategy that had always worked well for him until now. After a few rounds he had her figured out. For a while it was almost like a dance. Luminara's flourishes quick and elegant, his bladework stoic and deliberate. None of them trying to actually strike the other. But after some time his superior fencing skill showed. He waited out her attacks patiently, striking her every time she tried to slip him with one of her quick movements.

 

“8-2 Obi-Wan.” he said cheerfully, as the Mirialan was laying in the grass in front if him again, her hands now resting on her body; She seemingly made no attempt at getting up again. The sun had already fully set and stars were visible above them. After his victory proclamation she turned her had away a looked a bid annoyed. There was also something else in her look he couldn't really place. With the sudden realisation of his insolence considering her helpful advice he threw himself on the still warm ground next to her, trying to make amends; After laying there for a short moment without her saying anything, he felt much guiltier than before, but still thought it had all been in good fun. For a moment he contemplated what to say, as they both laid there looking at the stars.

 

“Thank you for your advice Luminara.” he said politely after a moment, awkwardly trying to make up for mocking her. Without saying anything the Mirialan got up and went inside. As many times before he asked himself what he might have done to upset her this much.

 

When he entered the building about an hour later the others were already asleep. He carefully placed himself on his bedroll next to the other padawan, and tried rather unsuccessfully to sleep. After a while of staring at the ceiling of the room he turned towards the woman, observing the soft up and down of her breath, while glancing at the back of her head. She had removed her headdress, revealing her many long black braids, she had tied together in a knot.

For some time now there had been moments when she was polite and friendly, but suddenly turned icy or hostile, after he said something seemingly inconsequential, he noted to himself. But maybe she was just being capricious he thought to himself before falling asleep over the sound.

  

* * *

 

 

When he woke up the next morning the others were already up, their bedrolls packed on the stack of supply crates they had arrived with. Apparently the warm sun of the previous day had given way to grey clouds and rain. As he stepped out of the door, granola bar in hand, the masters stood under the small awning and were discussing matters of the Jedi.

 

“Has Luminara gone somewhere?” the padawan asked sheepishly. The woman was nowhere to be seen.

 

“She went to look for Kyber.” Master Hakasho responded. “There supposedly is a cave over that hill. Albeit I wouldn't trust these old maps, she insisted to try to find it.” He gestured in the general direction of the next large raise.

 

“If you don't mind I'll go looking for her.” Obi-Wan replied. He himself was unsure what he was trying to achieve, but something told him he should go after her.

 

“Suit yourself, Obi-Wan.” Qui-Gon replied nonchalantly. “Don't stay too long, we are supposed to leave late afternoon.”

 

“Yes Master.” the padawan replied before fetching one of their heavy woollen capes.

 

 

When he reached the other side of the hill Luminara was nowhere to be seen. But as the rain grew heavier he figured looking for the ominous cave himself was his best option. After looking around the small valley for some time he found a small rocky opening in the ground. Once he made a slow sweep around the hole with his lighsaber to look how deep of a drop it might be he quickly jumped down the opening. A surprisingly small amount of rain was actually entering the cave, and the water her saw seemed to seep away somewhere.

 

“Luminara?” he called with slightly dampened voice at first. But got no replay. After trying again by simply shouting her name, he still received no answer.

 

“Into the abyss it is then.” he stated to himself turning on his lightsaber again as a light source, before starting to venture deeper into the cave.

 


	9. Home Sweet Home

**5 APD - earlier**

 

Barriss had sat on the bed, now converted to a rather comfortable couch, for some time and skimmed through her gift, when she perceive a strong presences in the force nearing the apartment door. She took a moment to finish the current page, then set aside the book and got up. While stepping towards the door, expecting the bell to ring any second, she habitually reached for the picture of her and Ahsoka sitting on top of the small building on Dantooine Luminara and Obi-Wan used to take them for training and recreation in between missions, to turn it face down, but quickly withdrew her hand as she already knew who was at the door. Just as she reached the door the bell rang. She took a moment to straighten out her dress and pushed the button to open the door.

 

“Barriss!” the voices of the little boy and girl exclaimed happily in unison, before enclosing her legs in a vigorous hug. After padding their heads she leaned forward to great their mother with an amicable hug.

 

“Hello Padmé.” She said warmly.

 

Only a few seconds later the children rushed past her into the apartment. Leia threw herself onto the couch, while Luke immediately started to dive into Ahsoka's toolbox; Barriss would have tried to protest, but the Togruta had specifically allowed him to do so.

 

“You look--” she paused for a moment, trying to put it as politely as possible.

 

“Tired.” the older woman completed the sentence and chuckled a bit. On first sight she looked beautiful and gracious as always, but a number of small flaws in her otherwise impeccable look, like a lock of hair that had escaped her rolled up knot, and of course the slightly dark circles around her eyes she had made no attempt to hide, gave away her apparent lack of sleep.

 

 

“I would ask if I may come in, but it looks like the decision has been made for us.” she smiled friendly before both women stepped inside.

 

“Can I offer you a cup of tea?” the Mirialan asked courteously and gestured for the other woman to sit down on the couch.

 

“Yes, please.” Padmé replied friendly, grabbed her daughter by the waist and placed her on her lap. The little girl looked like she wanted to protest but quickly settled on her mothers legs.

 

While the tea was steeping Barriss quickly shoved the coffee table sitting next to the couch in front of it.

 

“Wasn't Ahsoka supposed to return yesterday, too?” the senator asked curiously.

 

“Yes, but she had to attend an early meeting. Obi-Wan even unintentionally gave us wake-up call this morning because she had forgotten about it.” the former Jedi replied and handed her friend a cup of tea. Padmé frowned a bit at what she had said; She knew that particular feeling all too well.

 

“That is unfortunate.” She offered taking a sip from her tea.

 

“We made do.” Barriss replied, but quickly covered her mouth with her hand and started show a slight blush.

Padmé only smiled and waved the awkwardness aside.

 

“We _made do_ many times.” she offered and hid a roguish grin behind her cup.

 

“Senator!” Barriss exclaimed in feigned outrage. Somehow she had always felt very comfortable talking about these things with the older woman and was accordingly cheerful about them with her.

After exchanging a few amusing stories about Obi-Wan and Rex foiling their respective makeout sessions and giving some innocuous answers to Leia about the subject in the process, the senator set down her empty cup.

 

“Have you made plans for tomorrow evening already?” She asked.

 

“Ahsoka probably has something in mind.” Barriss picked up the empty cups and returned them to the small kitchen. “But we thought we could spend this afternoon after the lunch you invited them to.”

 

“Of course you are invited to lunch too.” the other woman interjected.

 

Barriss opened her mouth to object but the Padmé beat her to it.

 

“You two are easily the most modest public couple in existence. And I know the man for a long time; Unless you start making out on the table, he won't notice. _If_ he asks, we just tell him you are there because of Master Unduli.” The senator gave her a reassuring smile.

 

“And we'd love to spend the evening. Just tell me what you have in mind.” she added.

 

“Why were you asking about tomorrow?” the Mirialan remembered.

 

“Oh yes, there will be a ball at the embassy; You have to come too. No Jedi, only politicians; And its is a shadow event, so nobody will be allowed to talk about it anyway. Truth be told, you two are by far the least scandalous thing about these events.” she reassured her friend.

 

“You can raid my closet if you want.” She leveraged the last argument against them going, Barriss could think of.

 

The idea of them attending a social event without looking over their shoulders every two steps sure sounded nice. Ahsoka seemed so tense this morning; Not having to worry about that for once would do her some serious good. Now Barriss was even hopeful they could salvage the day after all.

 

“Sweety, what are you doing?” Padmé suddenly called out; Luke had finished removing Ahsoka's tools from the box and spreading them around the apartment, and now proceeded to climbing the desk Barriss usually did her paperwork on. Before his mother could react the Mirialan had already caught the boy falling of the chair with the force.

 

“Thank goodness.” the senator exclaimed. Sat Leia down on the couch and quickly walked towards her brother who was hoovering a few centimetres over the ground flailing his extremities helplessly.

 

“What were you thinking?” she said still slightly worried, picked him up and carried him under her arm towards the couch.

 

“But Mommy!” the boy protested.

 

Barriss couldn't help but smile at the lecture about the implications of breaking ones neck that followed.

 

“You want to see something really _cool_?” the Mirialan addressed the girl softly, not to interrupt the scolding in process. She only nodded, and Barriss took her hand, leading her to the balcony.

 

“Take a seat.” she threw a pillow on the ground, and the girl set down, eagerly eyeing the former Jedi.

 

After sitting down opposite to the girl, Barriss removed the Kyber amulet Ahsoka had given her the last time from her neck and tangled it in front of the girl's eyes.

 

“See?”

 

The crystal had a milky white colour.

 

The Mirialan then enclosed the crystal in her hand for a moment and concentrated. When she opened it again the crystal had turned to a light shade of ice blue. Leia stared at her hand in wonder.

 

“Now you try it.” the former Jedi smiled and handed the crystal to the girl.

 

“Take it in both hands, close your eyes and concentrate on it as much as you can.” she instructed the little brunette.

 

After holding it for a few seconds Leia reopened her eyes and looked at the crystal in her hand. Much to the girl's delight it had turned from Barriss's blue to a bright, almost greenish shade of yellow, akin to the Mirialan's skin.

 

“Mommy, look! I'm like Barriss.” she exclaimed running back inside. “Can I keep it?” the girl asked making puppy eyes at the Mirialan.

 

The younger woman smiled at the girl and felt almost guilty for having to ask her to give the amulet back. “Sorry Lila, that is something Soka has given me. But maybe we will find another one until your birthday.” she offered. The little girl wanted to pout but chuckled at the nickname only the Mirialan used. And somehow she understood what the fact her orange auntie had given it to Barriss meant.

“That’s okay.” she offered charitably, smiled and handed it back to Barriss. Both women couldn't help but smile at how adorable she was.

Luke was apparently already over the scolding and was now playing with the shaped wooden objects the former Jedi and her girlfriend used to juggle telekinetically, as both women sat down again and resumed their conversation.

 

“Before I forget--” the human switched the subject after some more small talk. “Master Unduli told me she wanted to tell Ahsoka about our mission at lunch. Even more reason for you to be there; To avoid _misunderstandings_.”

 

“The director has signed the paperwork yesterday. I wanted to surprise Ahsoka this evening.”

 

“Aren't you going to miss the hospital?” the senator inquired.

 

“In a way; But not as much as I miss Soka.” a faint sign of sadness flashed over her face. She liked her work. To actually help people and do what she could to mend the symptoms of the war. But though she had every confidence in Ahsoka's abilities as a Jedi, she didn't want to worry anymore. Worry whether she would return; Worry about the things she might see and have to do. At some point it might really break her. There were days when her sassy cheerfulness was almost gone completely. Ahsoka losing herself was what really worried her; It had taken them months to talk about Corellia. Not to mention the many days Barriss had spend next to a bacta-tank.

 

“Duty always comes first.” Padmé added empathically.

 

“So you know: I talked to Ani about it, and he suggested we add a little vacation.” she tried to lift the Mirialan's mood again.

 

“Apparently I have to oversee the progress of the construction of the new communications center on Scarif.” she deadpanned. “Terrible planet, really. Ocean, beaches and palm trees as far as the eye can see. No less than 25(77) degrees.”

 

“You are aware I'm Mirialan?” Barriss joked. The idea of the vacation was very appealing.

 

“I'll have them install terraforming devices at once! No more than 10(50) degrees it is.” they both laughed for a moment.

 

After a quick glance at her comlink Barriss found three hours had passed already since Ahsoka had left.

 

“That's unusual.” she stated.

 

“What is it?” Padmé asked.

 

“Ahsoka should have returned by now.” There was a slight hint of worry in her voice.

 

“Maybe it took longer than they expected. Wouldn't be the first time. Just call her.” the other woman tried to calm her.

 

A few attempts to reach the Togruta later Barriss was really worried something had happened. Not to her girlfriend directly of course, but some last minute secret off-world mission or the likes.

 

“I'll better call Luminara.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a chepter almost entirely comprised of sweetness.
> 
> Been reworking this to often to be objective any more. you be the judge. 
> 
> Might flesh out some things when I get around to make quality pass.
> 
> Celsius(Farenheit) for those still confused.


	10. With friends like these

**0 APD**

 

“She missed you at the trials, you know.” Luminara had thrown herself down at the couch and removed a bottle of wine from her satchel.

 

“How would you know?” her former padawan replied sheepishly.

 

“She almost failed the trial of skill because she couldn't stop looking at the _empty_ seat next to me.” the older woman gave her a reproachful look.

 

Barriss took a long hard look at her feet, trying to figure out what to say. Whenever the subject came up she felt caught. Even towards Luminara, who for all intents and purposes knew everything there was to know about how she felt about Ahsoka.

 

“I though about ditching the cowl.” she tried to change the subject while looking at the mirror inside the closet door, fidgeting with her hair.

 

“And why would you do that?” Luminara asked suggestive and poured herself a glass of wine.

 

“I think---” the girl paused for moment. “I think Ahsoka likes me with my hair out.” Barriss replied meekly.

 

Her former master tried really hard to suppress a snort but failed miserably. She knew what her Mirialan identity meant to the girl.

 

“What?” the younger woman asked anxiously.

 

“So you couldn't bring yourself to attend her trials after your little... accident, but would lose your headdress because Ahsoka might like your hair.” There was an obvious amount of amusement in her voice.

 

“ _She_ is avoiding _me_. I tried to call her the night Master Skywalker confronted the chancellor. And the day after that. _And_ the day after that.” There had been a little bit of anger and frustration in her voice, as she was gesturing wildly with her hands. “And every other day ever since. Why would she be upset I wasn't there?”

 

“Maybe she knows she should have talked to you and hoped you would show up anyway?” Luminara offered, trying to make some sense of the situation to the girl. The suggestion frustrated her even more.

 

“Why does this have to be so complicated?”

 

With a quick leap the older Mirialan jumped of the couch, laid her hands on the girls shoulders and squeezed them in a reassuring gesture.

 

“We trained you in many things; A normal social life is not one of them.” she offered warmly. For a moment the Jedi tried to think of what to say next; It pained her to see the child like this, and she wanted nothing but for her to be happy. And although she didn't exactly know how Ahsoka felt about Barriss she was pretty sure the other girl would be understanding enough not to hurt her.

 

“Tell you what;” she continued as the other woman still sheepishly considered her hair in the mirror

“We will go shopping for some nice headscarves. It's the perfect compromise; And you wouldn't have to abandon who you are. I'm sure Ahsoka wouldn't want that either way.” She paused for a moment and spun the girl around in her grip to face her directly.

 

“And then you are going to ask her on a date, like you been planing for months now. ” She continued.

 

The young Mirialan seemed anything but convinced of the plan, but nodded anyway.

 

Look at it this way: You are meeting your best friend for dinner.” she tried to reassure the girl. “If she's not answering you, we will just have to get creative.” Luminara gave her an almost cheerful smile and squeezed her in a tight, motherly hug.

 

* * *

 

After sitting in the waiting area of the meditation chapel for a few minutes she began to wonder when Anakin might show up. He had given her this precise time, and besides his many shortcomings as far as being a traditional Jedi was concerned, unpunctuality wasn't one of them. At first she had even wondered what business he might have after all, since the order and the republic were currently running a very thorough investigation into Chancellor Palpatine's doings and the circumstances of their battle. Her thoughts trailed off about the many revelations that had already been brought forth, when suddenly an all to familiar voice drew her back into reality.

 

“Hey, _Master Jedi_.” Barriss's cautious voice was like music to Ahsoka.

 

“Um, hey. What are you doing here?” the Togruta was struggling to push the picture of the other girls naked body out of her head again and surprisingly succeeded. But was overwhelmed by how different she looked. She was wearing a very decent make-up around her eyes and had switched the cowl, she was wearing practically non stop as a Jedi for a semitransparent purple headscarf she had slung around her head and her neck. Everything about her seemed perfect right now. The Togruta used all her concentration to suppress the feelings stirred up by her sight.

 

“I've visited Master Unduli, and just so happen to leave right now.” that was an excellent lie, she congratulated herself.

 

“But I just came across Master Unduli on my way in.” her friend stated slightly bewildered.

 

“Well, she wasn't there actually.” Barriss tried to salvage her story.

 

_Damn you Luminara._

 

“Right.” Ahsoka had decided to drop the subject. She wasn't sure if she was still hurt about her friend not making an appearance at her trials. Although she supposed that was her own fault.

 

“Anyway. I still wanted to congratulate you for passing the trials.” the Mirialan said fumbling her thumbs.

 

“And thought maybe I could take you out for dinner to celebrate?” she unintentionally skipped about a dozen steps in her plan to vow the Togruta.

 

“You seemed awfully busy the last few weeks.” she clenched her fists. Why did she say that?

 

Luckily for her, Ahsoka's brain was already in panic-mode.

 

 _Why? What? How? Take. Me. Out. For. Dinner._ She phased out.

The Mirialan eyed her anxiously, expecting her answer. But the other girl was still frozen up.

 

“I mean, we have been friends for so long. And I have money now. It's really no big deal.”

Maybe she was having doubts about her intentions?

 

 _Friends_ , the word pulled Ahsoka out of her little space were the majority of her brain was dancing in circles while the rest tried to comprehend what the Mirialan had just said.

 

 

“I, Um, would love to.” she mumbled. The word had curbed her enthusiasms quite a bit.

 

“What about tomorrow evening?” Barriss followed up.

 

“We are grounded right now so really any day would be good. But yes. Of course.” Ahsoka tried to play down her initial excitement.

 

“It's a date then.”

 

“Yeah.“ The younger woman phased out at her choice of words again. She was entirely overwhelmed by the direction the conversation had taken.

 

“I'll send you the time and the place later then. if you don't mind. And will leave you to your business now.” the other girl offered courteously before awkwardly turning away without a real farewell.

 

* * *

 

When Ahsoka stumbled out of the elevator on Barriss's floor, she cursed her choice of attire. A dress sure. But why did she let Padmé talk her into wearing heels; Entirely impractically. And how could anyone really walk in these things? Also, combat, an absolute no-no. After adjusting the upper part of the dress gain she made her way towards the ward, she had been told by the receptionist, she could find her friend at. The Mirialan had told her she would have to come directly from the hospital, so Ahsoka had figured she could as well pay her a surprise visit. A plan that in hindsight had many potential flaws. One of them being her breaking her neck while falling over her own feet apparently.

After a short conversation with yet another protocol droid she had been directed towards a smaller section of the ward. She straightened out her dress one last time, ceremonially held the flower bouquet in front of body and stepped through the door. At the other end of the floor she could make out Barriss's silhouette. The Mirialan was seemingly instructing another member of the stuff to do something. Ahsoka couldn't help but smile her friends dedication and capability. She started to step faster towards her as she couldn't contain her excitement any more, when suddenly the former Jedi and the other person enclosed each other in an intimate hug, shortly after which the other woman, as she could now clearly see, pressed a kiss on her friend's cheek before letting go of her. After which they both smiled at each other and parted.

Ahsoka froze in an instant, all her fears and the things Valstra had said echoing in her head. Within a moment she turned around and hastily made her way back to the elevator. Again the word _friends_ and the way Barriss had said it yesterday, when asking her out on their _date_.

 

_You think could could take that, her showing up with someone else?_

Valstra's words weighted on her mind as she repeatedly hammered the button to close the door while fighting of her tears.

 

_Too late._

 

* * *

 

After she had been sitting at their table alone, looking at her comlink every thirty seconds for about an hour the waiter started to give her _that_ look. Upon which Barriss after another half an hour politely ordered a salad for take-out and spent the remaining waiting time struggling not to cry.

 

* * *

 

Rex didn't know what to expect when he stepped through the door of the dive close to the navy yards. All he knew was that he had never seen machinist Hirala so much as worry about anything. In fact, the first time he had met the woman, she was cheerfully teasing Fives, while laying inside the engine of a landing cruiser, under heavy enemy fire. While one of the other two engines was down and they were in a _rapid descent_. So when she of all people called him in the middle of the night, stating she was worried about Ahsoka he naturally was very alarmed, to say the least.

They got her location by locating her com signal using the ship's scanners and flew in via gun ship that was scheduled for transfer to a reserve hangar; All in as much secrecy as possible.

With a tilt of his head he signalled Fives to stay at the door before looking around inside the establishment.

Even with the quiet large number of people inside the vicinity, it didn't take him long to spot the newly raised Jedi Knight at the bar. Although something about her seemed terrible off; He could even tell from behind her. The first thing that caught his attention was the fact that she wore a blue and white dress and a pair of sandals instead of her usual attire. Which would itself be unusual at best outside of a covert operations scenario. But something else seemed to be fundamentally wrong about her whole body language. There wasn't a hint of dignity in the way she looked. She practically just hung there, her head half resting on her arms crossed on the counter.

When he got closer Rex noticed a young human man being very close to her. And very touchy-feely for that matter, as he was obviously trying to get into her pants. What really set the clone off was the fact that she wasn't making any attempts to get rid of him besides the occasional attempt to get his hand off her waist. He knew enough about his young friend to be aware it was impossible for her to actually appreciate it. When Rex stepped next to them he could see her make-up running down her face. She'd obviously be crying. For a moment he considered what kind of person would even try to vow someone in that state then spoke.

 

“You should leave her.” he said in a very dangerous politeness, but didn't receive a reaction. Prompting him to lay his hand on the men's shoulder.

 

“What do you want?” the young man asked unfriendly.

 

“I think you should leave. Now.” Rex repeated, the same dangerous politeness in his voice.

 

“Fuck off.” the young man brushed the clones hand off his shoulder. Prompting the soldier to speak up, still polite.

 

“Leave her alone.”

 

“Aren't you guys supposed to be eunuchs or something? Get lost!”

 

For a moment Rex stood there and weighted his options. He didn't want to make any fuzz. Seeing his friend in her current state he was sure of just one thing, that he should keep this off any official channel by any means necessary. And if he got physical with _the boy_ first, there was a good chance it wouldn't, and he wasn't ready to take that risk, yet. But before he could come to any conclusion the decision was made for him, as the young man took a wild shot at his face.

 

_Alright then._

 

Rex didn't so much as flinch, took the hit head on and didn't react a bit to the laughable punch he had just received. Much to his attackers surprise, who looked at him in disbelief, as the clone grabbed the back of his head, and with a swift and merciless move smashed his face into the bar counter. The sound of the man's nose breaking echoing through the room.

 

“Assault on an officer of the republic. Punishable by up to five years of imprisonment, one hundred daily fines in lieu, or, depending on the assailant's planet of origin, conscription into the militia, for up to eighteen standard months.” he announced unmoved, while the man crawled around on the floor in confusion, as his whole head was in pain.

 

“Ahsoka, is everything alright?” he asked worried after he had turned back to her, and lowered his head to match her eye level.

 

“Rex, what are you doing here?” the Togruta asked confused. Her eyes were puffy and only half open. Judging by the tone of her voice and the way she slurred her speech, she was clearly intoxicated.

 

“What did she drink?” the clone addressed be barkeeper, who came running after the _fight_. The man only gestured at an almost empty bottle of some spirit in front of her.

 

“Are you able to walk?” No answer. She had lost her consciousness the moment she realised Rex was there to get her.

 

Rex took a deep breath and again thought about his options. If he called in a medevac or brought her to the barracks or the ship, this wouldn't go unnoticed. Bringing her to the temple, in this state, dressed up like that: same result. He needed help. And there was only a hand full of people he would trust with her wellbeing. He spend a moment cursing himself for the decision he was about to make, then grabbed his comlink.

 

* * *

 

 

When Barriss had made her way to the door she took a moment to wipe some tears off her face before she opened. Before her appeared the figure of a Mirialan woman, smiling mischievously at her, while holding a tattered bouquet of what looked like assortment of her favourite flowers and a pair of heeled sandals.

 

“Who--” She couldn't finish her sentence.

 

“Hi, I'm Valstra, nice ter meet yer.” The strange woman greeted her, only to squeeze her in a friendly hug, that Barriss found entirely inappropriate, before shoving herself past the pajama-clad Barriss and into the apartment, leaving the younger woman flabbergasted. Just as Barriss hurriedly turned to follow the woman inside, she made out another set of heads in the hallway from the corner of her eye.

As she turned towards the door again dumbfounded she found two clones, one of them she knew as Rex, carrying the figure of an unconscious Togruta woman, wearing a very elegant blue dress, between them. The woman's eyes were obviously puffy, and her make-up tear-stained and smudged all over her face. The Mirialan rubbed her eyes again since her vision was still a bit blurry from crying. Suddenly the obvious realisation came to her.

 

_Ahsoka!_

 

“What happened to her?” Barriss was still struggling for some kind of composure as she tried to make sense of the ordeal.

 

_And why is she dressed up?_

 

“She downed a bottle of Mandalorian whiskey.” Valstra replied soberly.

 

The older Mirialan gestured at the bed with one of her hands, upon which the clones carried their commander across the room and laid her down as they'd been told.

 

The former Jedi tried to get a grip of the situation. Two clones and a Mirialan woman just carried an unconscious Ahsoka through her door in the middle of the night after she had been stood up by her and had spend the past hour crying into her pillow. She considered herself adaptive but she needed a few seconds to take that in.

 

“Mandalorian whiskey contains tritwilecin. That's poisonous to Togruta!” She exclaimed as her mind suddenly snapped back to full operation.

 

“Guess she didn't know that.” the older woman offered, although at this point she wasn't entirely convinced of that statement. Until now she had thought the ordeal to be atleast somewhat amusing, thinking her young friend had got herself a mild case of alcohol poisoning while trying to drown her feelings.

 

“Close the door.” Barriss commanded and the clones followed. With a quick rush she knelled down next to the bed and put her hands on Ahsoka's head and stomach. After feeling around inside the Togruta for a moment she turned towards Valstra who was standing next her, carefully watching.

 

“First cabinet on the left. There is a Standard B trauma kit. Get me the elimination booster stim, the purple one, and one of the NaCl bags. Don't forget the catheter. ” She gestured in the direction of the kitchen area.

 

“There is bucket outside on the balcony. You fetch it. Rex, get a cup, make a brine. Second cabinet on the right.” she barked at the clones who couldn't help but do as they were told.

 

After a few minutes of commotion Ahsoka was laying on her side; Her stomach emptied, and hooked-up to the NaCl. Her almost comatose unconsciousness slowly turning into deep sleep. When it was clear that there was no danger to the Jedi's wellbeing, the clones had politely excused themselves. Valstra insisted to stay a moment longer to <i>talk</i> to the other Mirialan, but promised to fill them in first thing in the morning. Barriss was sitting on the ground, leaning against the edge of the bed listening to Ahsoka's breathing. Her head was bowed, her arms resting on her knees. Now that there was no more immanent danger, she tried to make sense of the situation, as her previous feelings started to fill her head again. That wasn't exactly how she had pictured the evening would go after spending hours laying out strategies to charm her friend.

 

“Oi.” the friendly voice of the other woman got her attention, as she was holding a cup of water next to Barriss face.

 

“So, who exactly are you? “the former Jedi inquired after a moment.

 

“I'm part of the main'nance crew assigned ter the 501st legion.” Valstra replied. “And more recently, moral support officer for dense teenage Jedi. Ya can call me Valstra.” she winked, nodding her head towards the balcony, prompting the younger woman to follow her outside.

 

“So yer _the_ Barriss.” the older woman addressed Barriss warmly, as both women were leaning against the wall, looking at the Coruscant night sky. For a moment the younger Mirialan considered the tacit meaning of the way she had said that.

 

“And yer gay.” Valstra added bluntly. The other woman flinched at her apparent tactlessness.

 

“Just ge'in the facts straight.” she explained herself and chuckled at the pun for a moment, prompting the former Jedi to roll her eyes.

 

“So, wot 'append?” she asked, an almost stern tone in her voice.

 

“With what?” the other woman asked slightly disconcerted.

 

_You two really deserve each other._

 

“The bloody date? The last time I seen Tails she 'opped off ter borrow a dress from Senator wots-'er-name. And I right want ter know wot 'appened between that and attempted suicide by Mandalorian moonshine.” her voice was very serious.

 

“You really think she tried to kill herself?” the other Mirialan interjected worriedly.

 

“No, I think she's an idiot.” Valstra replied slightly cheerful.

 

“I don't know what happened. She didn't show. Until you burst through my door, I thought the message to be pretty clear.” She looked very hurt. The older woman's face turned to a mixture of warmth and compassion.

 

“But yer like 'er.” Barriss only hummed and nodded. She wasn't sure if she would be able to talk about that now. But the other woman obviously got the hint, as she only hugged her.

 

“I think I will be on me way. Ya should ask 'er tomorrow.” she paused at the balcony door for a moment, looking at the Togruta through the glass.

 

“And yer should probably cop 'er out o' the dress.” she added roguishly.

 

“No, I couldn't. I mean--”

 

“Call it poetic justice.” Valstra winked at her again.

 

“Oh, you know about--”

 

“Yer 'ave no idea.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fives not that because Snips was there to save him. The bonus eps don't really give a timeline in that regard so...


	11. Should I Stay Or Should I Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone and a happy belated midwinter!

**0 APD**

 

The first thing Ahsoka felt in the morning unsurprisingly was excruciating pain. Without opening her eyes she struggled to regain a feeling of herself. Every fibre of every muscle in her body felt exhausted and numb, like she had expended every last bit of her strength. Her tails felt like someone was constantly pulling on them; A painful and distracting sensation, almost drowning her thoughts, while her Mondrals falsely registered what felt like dozen random movements around her. And her head; Her head felt like it was about to explode. Stinging rushes of pain surging against her forehead from the inside.

For a while she couldn't do anything but lay there, without any sense of orientation or time. She tried to wiggle her body the check if everything was were it belongs, and let out a slight groan upon the painful feedback she received. After unsuccessfully trying to remember what happened to her, the last thing she could remember was the hospital elevator, she opened her eyes a slit, only to immediately close them again, as the light of the sun was painfully blinding her.

Another try; After blinking a few times she managed to keep her eyes open, staring at the ceiling. What room was that? At wasn't on the ship, or the barracks, or the temple. But there was this smell about it, that seemed incredibly familiar, but she couldn't really place.

She slightly tilted her head in both directions to evaluate her neck's ability to move, then turned her head to the right, looking into the room. The room was brightly lit; Judging by the intensity of the sun, it had to be around noon already. There was something familiar about the room too. But whatever knowledge she might have had of it wasn't accessible right now. Suddenly she spotted the dress she had borrowed from Padmé, neatly folded on a chair next to the bed, the heels she had worn sitting right under it.

A small rush of panic overcame her. If clothes were over there, what was she wearing? The attention she was diverting to the subject made her release a strange scratchy feeling on her skin, prompting her to hastily turn her sight towards her body. She let out a short sighed at the fact that she was dressed; She was wearing what looked like a white scrub top, made from a robust but rough fabric, and was covered by a warm blanket up to her chest. Slowly more and more impressions started to flow to her brain again. She lifted her right arm again to find someone had put a PVC on it. The hospital! Did she never leave the hospital? She quickly tried to lift her other arm, but found it didn't move much, as it was somehow fixed or weighted down. Though she could feel it being bent in a weird way. She wiggled her body again, slightly less painful this time, and turned her head to the left.

 

When she looked to her left, realising the reason her arm wasn't moving, her senses fell silent again. Next to her laid Barriss, folded in foetal position without a blanket. One of the small Mirialan's arms entwined around hers, pulling it close to her body, their fingers folded into each other. The other was wrapped around her wrist as if she had been feeling Ahsoka's pulse.

For a few minutes the Togruta just laid there paralysed, looking at her friend wide eyed. She took a brief moment trying to remember any details of the evening. The things she _did_ remember didn't leave much room for any conceivable scenario in which they both ended up in the same bed. The though lead to another slight panic attack, as her brain recited all the worst case scenarios how this could have come about she could think off. After she had supplanted the notion she might have dealt a deathblow to their friendship and couldn't even remember it, she took some time to look at her sleeping friend.

The Mirialan's face was peaceful, but looked slightly worried, as her brows arched slightly upwards and her lips were barely noticeable pursed. The distinct softness of her expression, mixed with the sharper edges of her facial features, almost made Ahsoka's heart race again. For a while she just listened to her friends slow and steady breathing, losing herself in looking at the other girls lips. The subsequent calm almost completely mended her pain for the time being.

After a few more minutes she had gathered the strength to completely shift to her left side, now facing the smaller girl directly, and almost involuntarily caressed her cheek with her free hand. Upon which Barriss slowly opened her eyes, now directly looking into the Togruta's up close;

Causing Ahsoka, who hadn't really comprehended her action yet, to almost freeze up in terror and quickly withdraw her hand.

 

“How are you feeling?” the Mirialan asked sleepily without addressing the other girls gesture at all. Ahsoka couldn't help but notice Barriss's thumb was now softly stroking against her palm. The intimacy it suggested kind of freaking her out. Especially given the circumstances of the previous evening.

 

“I'm, Um, why am I hurting so much?” She had decided to test the waters and establish a few facts before addressing the elephant in the room. Also, she wasn't yet sure she wanted to talk about that now.

 

“You tried to poison yourself with Mandalorian whiskey. A whole bottle of it.” the Mirialan replied soberly and let go of her hand. Causing Ahsoka to wince a bit, as her hand instinctively followed Barriss's for short moment, practically begging for her to resume.

 

“I, er, don't remember that.” the Togruta offered sheepishly, mourning after the previous intimacy.

 

“Why am I in your apartment?” she went on feeling her way forward.

 

“Your friend Valstra and Captain Rex brought you here. In all honesty you really might have almost killed yourself.” Her face flashed a hint of anger as she was still looking directly into Ahsoka's eyes, prompting the Jedi to look away ruefully.

 

“So, we didn't go on that _date_ then?” The Togruta made the face she usually made when on of her plans went south and Anakin or Rex had to bail her out. Offering a sheepish smile and raising her eyebrows.

 

“No, we didn't. Well, you didn't anyway.” the distinct sadness, in which she said that, made Ahsoka feel incredibly guilty, although she still couldn't remember much beyond the things she saw in the hospital. But if Barriss went on their date anyway; She was reluctant to ask her directly. The long pause her contemplation created causing the other girl to speak again.

 

“Of all the things I expected, you not showing wasn't even on the list.” There was a reproachful anger and hurt in her voice.

 

The Togruta was still struggling for a reply. Yesterday she wasn't even sure what to think about the invitation, besides Valstra's obvious insistence it was a good thing; Now that she could see Barriss's emotions she felt like the moment she let hers getting the better of her, she had made a mistake she wouldn't be able to fix. When Valstra talked about these things she always made it sound so easy. _Just talk to her._ The sudden shift of atmosphere didn't help at all; The pause still growing longer with every moment.

 

"And why would you go get blackout drunk on poison instead?"

 

_I thought I'd lost you._

 

Another minute went by without the Jedi giving any explanation or saying something. The more she tried to speak the stronger grew the forces holding her back.

 

“It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. It was a stupid idea anyway.” the Mirialan sat-up on the bed, breaking their gaze. Ahsoka now felt like their whole friendship was slipping through her fingers.

 

_No, it wasn't._

 

The young Jedi wanted to pull herself up too, but winced at the amount of pain it now caused her again to even try.

 

_Stupid Mandalorian whiskey. I have to._

 

She channelled whatever influence of the force she could muster in her current state into her body strength and pulled herself up next to Barriss, her fangs biting deep into her lower lip as she tried to swallow the pain attached to that.

 

“You'll have to drink at least four litres a day for at least the next three days. Otherwise the medicine might damage your kidneys.” the Mirialan changed the subject while crawling over the other girls legs to get out of bed. There had been another long pause while Ahsoka had tried to get her body upright; Inevitably creating the impression she had no intention to talk to her friend.

In an act of desperation she grabbed Barriss's hand and stopped her from leaving, nearly making her fall over, while getting out of bed. The other girl gave her a questioning look, while Ahsoka, still unable to speak her feelings, virtually tried to disclose everything she wanted to say in a single look. After being held like this for a few seconds Barriss wriggled her wrist free, her expression slightly darkening, as the Togruta's look entreated her not to leave.

 

“I really don't know what you want of me.” the other girls voice was filled with frustrated anger. “First you ghost me for three weeks; Which, apparently unintelligible to you, really hurt.” She led her eyes wander around the room.

 

_I'm sorry._

 

“But when Luminara and Anakin tricked you into meeting me, you acted as if nothing happened, and almost fell over yourself agreeing when I asked you out.”

 

_Who wouldn't?_

 

“And you even played dress-up, only to change your mind and not show up. I would really not have cared if you showed up wearing clone armour if it meant you would have come.”

 

_How was I supposed to know?_

 

“Still, now you are here and Valstra told me to talk to you. Yet you don't seem to want to talk. Which is fine by me. I can't make you.”

 

_I love you._

 

“So I try to be understanding and put the matter behind us. No harm no foul, right? Only for you to apparently change your mind again in a matter of minutes. Look at me like this all you want. I'm not in the mood right now. It was a mistake and it's alright. But don't leave the door open like this.”

 

_Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

 

And with this she stepped away from the bed, leaving Ahsoka sitting, staring into the room, heartbroken and petrified.

 

When the Mirialan returned, showered and clothed, her friend only laid there, starring at the ceiling. A few moments after she had stepped out of the room, the Togruta had fallen on her back again and not moved a finger since.

 

The Mirialan's expression had slightly lightened up. “I have to go to work soon, You can stay as long as you want. If you spend the day meditating, you should be well by tomorrow.” Barriss said soberly. “I'll call Rex to get you. You shouldn't have any problems making the pain go away, but I'll give you a light analgesic to help.” She pressed a stim against the Togruta's arm. The other girl didn't flinch at the shot and slightly nodded.

 

“Here.” the Mirialan held out a shaker with a wide straw next to Ahsoka's face. “I blended a steak with some spices and a few vegetables. I might sound gross, but you need to eat.”

 

For a moment nothing happened, before the Jedi turned her head and grabbed the container.

 

“Do you want me to remove the IV for you?” her friend asked politely. Ahsoka only shook her head. Another moment went by in silence, as if the Mirialan still waited for her to say something.

Just when the healer turned to leave the Togruta mustered the strength to open her mouth.

 

“Do you mind if I call you later?” she said numbly.

 

“Why would I mind?” Barriss answered without hesitating, turning back towards the bed.

 

Ahsoka seemed slightly confused by the answer.

 

“Did you think I wouldn't talk to you any more? That this would be it? Me leaving for work being the last interaction we ever have?”

 

Until now Ahsoka had used all her strength to maintain a neutral face, but couldn't contain her feelings any longer. With some effort she kept herself from breaking into an uncontrollable sob, but her face still showed the anguish their _talk_ had caused her. The Mirialan sat down on the edge of the bed and squeezed her forearm.

 

She paused a moment, carefully choosing her words. “You will always be part of my life. If you want to.”

 

After sitting with her for a while and offering what comfort she could given her own heartache, Barriss got up and gathered her equipment. Before leaving she took another moment to make sure Ahsoka at least tried to take a sip from the _meat smoothie_ , then urged her to try to sleep some more before getting up. All while the other girl laid there in relative apathy, hamstrung from the poison, and caught up in her own thoughts.

 

When she finally left they exchanged a gloomy goodbye. For a short moment the Mirialan fought the urge to kiss the Jedi's forehead. Part of her was torn between leaving and simply throwing herself at her, telling her that she didn't mean it, but that wasn't entirely true, and her own hurt was still great.

 

After Barriss had left Ahsoka pondered all the things she wanted to say until she fell asleep over the familiar smell of the apartment and the comfortable warmth of the bed.

 

 


	12. Surface Tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter wasn't planed at all it just happend. I hope you still like it. I'm always super unsure about the whole "boring" relationship building

**5 APD**

 

A few of the servants employed by the Nabooan embassy were swarming the large table inside one of the many rooms of the palace in the middle of the district. Usually Padmé would protest and send away as many as she could, insisting to do most of the work herself, but with her visit to the girl's place and the slight turmoil that ensued during the short search for Ahsoka, she was very grateful for the extra sets of hands. With all the commotion she had almost forgotten to instruct the chef to prepare two vegetarian meals instead of just one. Now the two women were waiting for their partners and guests to arrive.

 

“Jedi Masters Undili and Kenobi.” the voice of the valet announced, as Luminara and Obi-Wan entered the greeting hall; The Mirialan master almost dragging the man behind her, arms linked.

 

“Senator Amidala, its so nice to see you again.” Luminara greeted the younger woman friendly as they exchanged a polite hug.

 

“Padmé.” Obi-Wan said drily, folding his arms in front of his body. His pride had taken quite the hit over the fact everybody but him knew. The gesture prompted the Mirialan by his side to elbow him, making him jerk a little as he exhaled from the hit. “I'm glad to see you doing so well.” He added still grimacing, as Padmé went on to hug him.

 

“We are glad you could make it.” the small Senator replied nonchalantly and smiled at the pair. “Anakin is taking the children to the nursemaid and should be with us shortly. Please follow me to the salon if you please.”

 

Obi-Wan couldn't help but frown at her overlay polite demeanour, knowing how fierce the woman actually was.

 

“Has Ahsoka arrived yet?” he inquired. Since everyone seemed to be okay with beating him up today, he might as well cut to the chase.

 

“No, but she should arrive any minute.” Padmé replied unmoved.

 

When they turned into the salon Obi-Wan was surprised to find Luminara's former Padawan, sitting on the couch, hands neatly folded in her lap, greeting them with a polite smile. As he opened his mouth to address her, a painful sensation made him cringe. The woman by his side was pinching the inside of his forearm with all five of her fingers.

 

_Oh, for force's sake, stop already._

 

“Barriss, we haven't seen each other in a while.” he offered as politely as he could, given the pain in his arm and the fact he still tried to wrap his head around this mornings revelation.

 

“Its good to see you again Master Obi-Wan.” For a moment she pondered what Padmé had said. “I'm actually here to meet Master Luminara, since we hadn't much of a chance lately.”

 

“I sincerely doubt that.” he replied almost cheerfully. Letting his usual cheeky self shine through again.

 

“Excuse me?” the younger Mirialan said slightly bewildered and shot her former master a look.

 

“Sorry dear; I had to tell him this morning after Ahsoka _went missing_.” Luminara interjected guiltily and stepped slightly in front of the master next to her, so she was now standing in between them.

 

Barriss looked at him for a few seconds. Trying to make out a reaction. He only looked slightly worried but there wasn't any sign of condemnation. If anything he looked a bit sad. The situation was still rather awkward. As the young woman struggled for words the senator swooped in to safe her.

 

“Can I get you something while we wait for the others to arrive?” she asked politely, gesturing for them to take a seat on one of the seating accommodation.

Although he was now pretty curious about the nature of the young women's _living arrangement_ , and wanted to go on questioning, he politely declined the offer with a gesture of his hand, and let himself down on one of the armchairs opposite of the younger Mirialan, while the older seated herself on the couch right next to her and asked their host for a cup of tea. As Luminara had taken her seat the two of them shared a heartfelt hug.

 

“How was your morning? I hope the whole situation hasn't caused you too much distress.” She had contemplated diving into small talk as if nothing had happened. But her old friend wasn't stupid, and really, as far as she was concerned he deserved to be let in on the whole thing a long time ago. Even though she anticipated a good chance for him to be a childish brick about it for some time.

 

“No, Senator Amidala was there with me. And it took only a short while for Rex to tell me where she was; So, no big trouble, really.” the former Padawan offered.

 

“About that;” the human master interjected politely but stern. “Where did she go, after all? All they told me was they dropped her off somewhere on the upper level and that she had to attend to some personal matter.” he leaned forward in his seat and rested his arms on his knees. “Yet, although you didn't seem to know before, this information was enough to tell you what she'd been doing.”

 

“I don't think that is for me to tell you.” She replied without hesitation. “But I can ensure you, there was nothing to be concerned about her _personal matter_.” The younger Mirialan returned his stern look.

Obi-Wan frowned at the non-answer for a second. Than decided to feel his way forward without upsetting the angry woman sitting opposite of him.

 

“So, you and Ahsoka.” He said awkwardly. It must have sounded a lot more inapt than he had anticipated, as Luminara let out a loud snort and chuckled at his choice of words, prompting Padmé to hastily refill their cups to gloss over the slight tension rising between them. He shot the other master a glare.

 

“Yes.” the young woman replied slightly irritated by the older Mirialan's reaction.

 

“Since when?” He wasn't sure whether his line of questioning was out of place. But since they already were there together, he might as well ask her. If he was honest, he thought he deserved what ever answer she might have to offer.

 

“That's no easy question to answer.” the yellow-skinned woman replied. “If we were honest with ourselves, it probably started around the incident with the brain worms. But for all intents and purposes, as far as _the rules_ are concerned, not until after the Chancellors death.” She didn't hesitate or show any sign of the topic being uncomfortable or even off limits. The older master took a moment to give her answer a quick thought, as Luminara gave him a warning look across the table.

 

“I take it you don't approve?” Barriss filled the silence, looking at him questioning, anticipating him to state his misgiving.

 

Seeing the look on her face, he took a moment to adjust his own expression. It now showed a certain seriousness he often showed when it came to matters of great importance and concern, but also a great deal of the fatherly warmth that was always present in the background.

 

“I know the both of you since you were younglings. I remember Master Plo parading Ahsoka, hardly taller than my knee, around, because she was the _most promising_ candidate he had found in a while.” he paused for a moment, looking at Luminara, who was taken by surprise. “And you might not remember, but I saw you many times, shyly hiding behind your teachers, every time an unfamiliar Jedi came to the class rooms or the training ground.” He made a meaningful pause. “So trust me when I say: As person who has know you for years and your _friend_ , I want nothing more than for Ahsoka, _and_ you, to be happy. And under any other circumstance I would simply tell you to follow your heart. But _as a Jedi master_ , I cannot tell you any of this is okay.” He made a slight gesture towards Padmé with his hand. “The rules are in place for a reason. I don't have to tell you what you were planing to do because you were lovelorn.”

The younger Mirialan averted her eyes. She didn't think someone would bring it up after all these years.

“You might not be a Jedi anymore, but Ahsoka is. And I'm fairly certain you know what it means to her.” Luminara took Barriss's hand a squeezed it comfortingly. She was rather surprised by the way he handled this.

“Once this whole thing is over the rules may change.” he added, waving his hand at Luminara.

 

“With all that said;” he relaxed his expression and smiled at the women opposite of him and shifted his posture to a more comfortable position. “Be careful, alright?”

 

The three women now looked at him slightly baffled. Each had expected a different sentiment from him. This wasn't either of them.

 

“So you are not going to tell on her?” Barriss asked worriedly after waiting for a few seconds to figure out if was to add something else. Obi-Wan only gave her a very Obi-Wan look and seemingly ignored her question.

 

“The reason strong attachments are forbidden is not about the attachment itself. Its about the inability to let go; To make the right decision despite our feelings. And I think we all know, chances are, Ahsoka, much like her master, would have a hard time with that. So lets make sure she never has to.”

 

Padmé couldn't help but smile. They all liked to view him as that cranky old man, despite the fact that he was barely in his forties; And despite the fact that he was one of the most compassionate, people she knew. And humorous for that matter. She wouldn't go so far as to imply he was all talk when it came to the Jedi code. But he had barely any real relationship to the Mirialan girl. And even for Ahsoka's sake, he didn't need to be that sympathetic towards her. He could have as easily scolded her for compromising Ahsoka, or not telling him, and still be in the right.

 

“Thank you Master!” Barriss murmured. She didn't expect him to call in a contingent of temple guards, but this wasn't the reaction she had anticipated either.

 

“First of all, drop the Master. I hold no authority over you. Secondly, since everyone seems to be all too familiar with each other's _circumstances_ ” It was the first time Luminara had witnessed him making air-quotes in twenty years, and she almost broke into laughter over the impish face he made while doing it. “--you might as well call me Obi-Wan, too.”

 

After everyone had processed the talk for a bit, and Obi-Wan had spend some time lecturing about the dangers and implication of their relationship, Padmé and Luminara constantly relativising half the things he said, they went on to exchange pleasantries and anecdotes about the years since Barriss had left the order.

A few minutes later Anakin joined them. And after some bickering along the lines of the _Do as a say, not as I do._ discussion they often had had regarding the example Anakin had been to his Padawan, they had worked out their differences over the girl's love life, and more importantly, them not telling Obi-Wan, too; Now trading stories about the children's development and discussing their strength in the force.

About quarter of an hour later the sound of a ship closely flying over the building announced the Togruta Jedi's arrival. Upon which the party got up to great her, and move to the room prepared for their meal.

When everyone but them had left the room, Luminara stepped behind her old friend and placed a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Thank you.” She said warmly.

 

“I still don't think its a good idea.” he replied calmly, shooting her a slightly concerned look.

 

The other master only gave him a friendly smile and again tugged her arm in around his.

 


	13. As If

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all... I'm sorry for making a habid of apologizing...  
> Secondly... sorry for another slow chapter T_T 
> 
> I somehow feel like its going to slow for my taste, but the Beta reader assures me its alright and fits the pace nicely.
> 
> SO blame her I guess?

**0 APD**

 

It had been a long day at the hospital when Barriss finally finished her shift, it was already past ten. With a sigh of relieve she removed the white scarf she had wrapped around her head and threw her scrub top into her locker. After putting away her work clothes she hastily put on her dress and slung her normal scarf around her head. Then proceeded to exchange a few friendly goodbyes with her colleagues before hurrying to get home, as she was supposed to do an early shift the next day. A favour she had quickly traded with one of the doctors working the opposite shift cycle last night, so she could stay home this morning.

 

When the Mirialan arrived at her apartment about half an hour later, she was flabbergasted to find the Togruta still deep asleep in her bed. Although she was now dressed in what seemed like a variation of her usual outfit without the straps and tool belts. After a quick look around she recognised a republican ammo bag filled with what looked like an assortment of Ahsoka's clothes next to door with a note attached: _Was awake when we arrived, but lost consciousness_ _again_ _after getting dressed. Medic checked on her, but says its just exhaustion. Gave her another run of NaCl and let her sleep. Call me if you need her gone._ _Will b_ _e there in ten._

 

 _So much for that._ Barriss thought to herself, pondering whether she would be able to bring herself to throw the other girl out. After contemplating the situation for a moment she pursed her lips and rolled her eyes, then stepped out of the apartment again.

The face of an older human man, probably in his late fifties opened the door across the hall she had just rang on. He still wore the dark brown pants of a Nabooan civil servant, but only a white tanktop on top. His heavily bearded face looked wrinkly and rather weathered. But his expression and eyes were kind and friendly.

 

“Barriss. What brings you to our door at this late hour?” he greeted her warmly. His voice was deep and had a worn out roughness to it, that matched the features of his face.

 

“Good evening Owen.” she greeted the old man. Before she could state her cause the man spoke again. “Where are my manners? Please come in. Can I get you something?” he overwhelmed her with friendliness. “Ewah, look who's here!”

 

“No, I'm just; Something came up and I wanted to ask if you got a spare set of bedding you could lend me?” the Mirialan interrupted politely. She would have a hard time to deal with their _lack of distance_ under normal circumstances and was in no mood to be dragged in a lengthy discussion about this, although she was aware the both of them always meant well and most certainly would have no reservations about all of this.

 

“Having a guest I see.” the older woman stepped into sight inside the room. Her face was as friendly as his, as was her hair grey. She had already put on a long white nightdress with a wool cardigan on top, but still wore one of those complicated braids one would expect from Senator Amidala. “Your friends created quite the commotion last night.” she stated, clearly hinting her to share some information about the evening.

 

“Yes, my friend has fallen ill. Nothing major really. But she hasn't anyone else to care for her.” She had gotten quite good at this, she thought to herself.

 

“Oh, that's terrible.” Ewah replied and gave her what looked like a concerned smile, but hinted she wasn't buying what Barriss was selling at all. “I'll get you the bedding at once.” The older woman vanished inside the apartment for a bit.

 

“How are you doing?” the man started to chat her up. “Haven't seen you in a while. Everything alright?”

 

“Yes. Everything's fine, really.” Barriss bit her tongue. That was a bit of an overstatement. Then again everything was mostly alright, depending on how you weighted things in the grand scheme of things. “I have been working a lot lately. Since so many legions are grounded we got a lot of work that would have otherwise fallen to on of the hospital ships.”

 

“Ah. That's unfortunate.” Owen replied sympathetically.

 

“Do you want me to look after your friend while you are gone?” Ewah reappeared at the door. Again overacting her inquisitive look with a worried smile.

 

“I wouldn't bother you with that. The medicine should have worn of by tomorrow. So no worries. But thank you for your concern.” She replied overly polite and friendly, taking the bedding from the woman. “And thank you for helping me at this late hour.” she forced another smile.

 

“Keep it as long as you need!” the man called after her.

 

When she returned to her own apartment she could clearly feel Ewah's look falling on her, as their door hadn't completely closed yet. Only after she directly met her eyes as she opened the door to her apartment the older woman averted her gaze and hastily closed theirs.

 

After returning to the apartment again Barriss hastily proceed to the bathroom. Taking a quick shower and brushing her teeth. After she had found Ahsoka sleeping, she had quickly turned of the light. Now the only thing illuminating the room was a candle on the wooden shrine next to the bathroom door.

 

If she went to the library and asked Master Nu for information on the worst idea in the history of Jedi order, there would probably be just a picture of her, standing in front of this bed with an extra set of bedding.

 

_Don't be silly. You two have slept in smaller spaces, inside the same sleeping bag even._

 

After weighting getting up after a mere five hours of sleeping on the ground and the obvious alternative she let out a sigh and crawled, almost levitating to not wake the other girl, to the far side of the bed. There wasn't much space, as not so comatose Ahsoka was sleeping _rather comfortably,_ outstretched over a large portion of the bed. Yet she refrained from any measures that could be mistaken for statements of affection and settled in the smaller triangle left by the taller woman's body. Only so much as resting her legs and arms against the Togruta, after curling together under her blanket. The familiar sound of the Jedi's steady heartbeat and breathing quickly _rocking_ her to sleep.

When she woke, almost five hours later, the sky was still dark, but the stars were gone and shades of lighter blue and orange on the horizon signified the beginning of dawn. It took her a moment to remember the sleeping arrangement she had made for herself, before she got fully aware her surroundings.

Barriss hadn't moved in her sleep at all; Still curled in the same spot, her arms and legs pulled towards her body. But the Togruta had apparently turned multiple times in her sleep. Now lying on her stomach, her limbs outstretched away from her. The far side hanging out over the edge of the bed. Her other hand barely but noticeably making contact with hers, under the blanket even.

The gesture, intentionally or not, gave the Mirialan a short rush of comforting warmth before she completely regained her consciousness and slowly retracted her hand. Again crawling over her friends legs and out of the bed.

 

“Don't go.” the could hear the other girl's voice whisper, prompting her to freeze in place. After a short moment of regaining her composure she turned towards the bed and tried to make out the words provenance. But Ahsoka was seemingly still fast asleep. Now unconsciously rolling her body towards the spot the Mirialan had occupied a few seconds ago, and settling in another wildly outstretched sleeping position.

After taking a moment to drag the blanket over her friends body again, Barriss sleepily proceeded to only a quick wash and hurriedly put a new set of underwear before putting on one of her dresses she retrieved from a stack of clothes on one of the chairs next to the bed.

As she was about to step out of the apartment, she took a quick moment to regard the situation, then took the note Rex had left her and turned the sheet of paper around.

 

 _If you are planing on staying another night,--_ A good thing paper wasn't able to convey sarcasm. _please make the bed. I'll be back early afternoon._ _If you need something and don't want to call Rex, there is an old lady down the hall. Her name is Ewah. Just call out her name when you are in the hall. She is watching behind her door anyway._ _Don't forget to drink a lot!_

 

After finishing the note she put it down on top of the bag the clones apparently brought the Jedi's clothes in, and left the apartment towards work.

 

* * *

 

  

When Ahsoka finally woke up it was already noon. As the day before it took her quite some time to regain a sense of orientation. At least she almost instantaneous remembered where she was. She was still lying in the her _friend_ _'s bed_ _,_ now on her stomach again, but unlike the previous morning she was alone. After contemplating whether this was a good or a bed thing for about ten minutes she swung herself into a seated position.

When she had woken up the day before she didn't really take the time to take a look around. The times she went to the bathroom she didn't really pay attention to her surroundings, and when the clones brought her her clothes, she were only up for a few minutes. The rest of her waking hours she had spend in bed, thinking about the day before and the things Barriss had said before leaving yesterday.

 

_Yesterday. Did another day pass already?_

 

The room was nice and bright. Almost perfectly illuminated by daylight. The room seemed a lot bigger than she had imagined by looking at it through the screen. There weren't many furniture items, but the ones present were, although simple, very nice, and looked, save for the wooden shrine Barriss had for as long as she knew her, new and polished. Simple white synthetic and clear metal, which placed the furniture in stark contrast to the majority of the decorative items her friend had placed around the room. Mainly simple white candles, a wooden stand, her old lightsaber was resting on, and what she could make out as a number of framed pictures, whose contents she couldn't recognize from the bed. Additionally the desk on which the holo terminal was sitting housed an assortment of folders and books, presumably all medicine related.

With a quick leap the now perfectly rested and healthy Togruta rose from her seat and took the time for a long and elaborate stretch, as her limbs still felt a bit stiff from not moving for quite a while.

 

When all her extremities felt passably nimble again, she stepped over to the chair still housing the clothes she'd been wearing that evening and dug up her comlink. It understandably showed a number of messages. Only one seemed touching on Jedi business; Rex told her that everything was alright and they had received noticed that all personal, Jedi or otherwise associated with the 501st legion was excused from all duties for at least two weeks. Another few messages were Padmé, worriedly inquiring if something happened to her, since she had promised to contact her as soon as there was something to tell about the _date_ , and another dozen message from Valstra, imploring her to tell the machinist _what the fuck happened, since_ _I_ _really couldn't do more than putting_ _you into her_ _bed. And are you for real tails?_ _I'm_ _going_ _tie you guys together the next time._ _I swear, if Rex was bullshitting me, the next time his jet pack is going to explode!_

 

Ah. Rex had asked how things went. And she did try to give him a non answer. But really, he knew her better than that. She should have accounted for him telling Valstra. Most likely he just weren't in any mood to put up with her _inquiries_.

 

After attaching the comlink to her wrist, Ahsoka was going to gather her things, when she found the note on top of the bag containing her spare clothes.

 

 _Planing on spending another night._ She frowned at the way the Mirialan had put this. As if.

 

But since she apparently hadn't nothing else to do, besides informing Valstra of the current developments, the Togruta decided to take a closer look around the apartment, before finally deciding how to spend the rest of the day. Unfortunately, the only thing remotely interesting were the pictures the Mirialan had standing around the apartment. On her desk there were two pictures. One of Obi-Wan, Anakin, Master Unduli, herself and Barriss, as well as Cody and Rex, after a joint missions a few years ago. The pictures looked worn out and not crisp at all. It must have been taken by R2. His holo scanner was fine, but his simpler recording devices were dated to say the least. But the noise and pixel errors gave it a certain charm. A nice memento.

The other picture was of Barriss, not older than thirteen and Master Unduli, most likely the day she was made her Padawan.

The few other pictures on the walls were nice landscape pictures. Barriss must have taken them herself on missions. Ahsoka thought about how many aspects of the Mirialan's life she didn't know as well as she thought.

The last picture the Jedi could find was standing on the cupboard right next to the door. To her surprise it was a picture of her and Barriss, she didn't know existed. They were sitting on top of the small building on Dantooine they used to go to for recreation and training with their masters and Obi-Wan. Ahsoka spend a short moment trying to remember how the picture might have come about. They both seemed to not even notice the picture was taken. They just sat there, seemingly looking at the horizon, their legs casually dangling from the roof. They both had a friendly smile. And apparently their hands were touching? The Togruta couldn't help to notice the certain happiness the picture portrait, she couldn't even remember happening. She tried to not give it too much thought, but could only wonder why this picture of the ones the Mirialan had up was only at the door, and not on her night stand or desk. The notion made her think about the very important question on her mind again.

 


	14. INTERLUDE

**9 BPD**

 

“Hey.” An unfamiliar voice broke the calm and peace of the Mirialan's meditation. After contemplating whether she should react at all, or her silence would be enough to communicate the fact that she wasn't interested in any disruption of her meditation, she opened one eye to take a look at the disturber. On the spot next to her sat a younger Togruta girl, looking at her with a friendly smile on her face. Her posture suggested her intention was to meditate, but the fact that her upper body was entirely turned towards Barriss said otherwise.

 

_Maybe, if I ignore her she will leave me alone._

 

“I have never seen you before.” the Togruta's voice broke the silence again after a few seconds. She was obviously bent on striking a conversation.

 

“I don't think so.” the older girl replied, her eyes closed, still trying to concentrate on her meditation.

 

“I'am Ahsoka from Clawmouse Clan.” the other girl added unsolicited. She was still staring directly at Barriss's face, awaiting a response.

 

“What's your name?”

 

The Mirialan furrowed her brows. She wanted to tell the girl to back off, but was entirely too polite to do so, so the only option she had left was to answer the question.

 

“My name is Barriss. I'm in Heliost Clan.” she stated politely. “If you don't mind, I'm going to resume meditating now.”

 

“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't want to interrupt you.” Ahsoka replied soft and turned away. A few minutes went by with the Mirialan meditating in peace.

 

“How old are you?” the Togruta's voice broke the silence again, prompting the other girl to purse her lips in annoyance.

 

“I'm ten.” she replied neutrally.

 

“So, you are older than me.” the younger girl established unnecessarily.

 

“I'm eight.” she added after receiving no reply.

 

The Mirialan harrumphed lightly.

 

“I'm sorry. You were meditating.” the girl apologized again, and shifted her posture to a meditation pose herself.

 

“Do you know whether you are going to be a Padawan?” the Togruta interrupted once more after another minute. Barriss let her posture drop, whatever concentration she had had was gone by now.

 

“No, I don't know yet. Why do you ask?” she took a closer look at the other girl. The Togruta had orange skin, the markings on her tails and Mondrals were a luscious blue, with her white face markings framing her brows and cheeks; Her big blue eyes looking directly at the Mirialan's face.

 

“I just thought you were looking very Jedi-y.” Ahsoka replied smiling.

 

“Well, thank you I guess.” The Mirialan replied to the presumed compliment.

 

“I want to be a Padawan some day, too.” the Togruta declared, jumping of her seat. She was about fifteen centimetres smaller than the yellow-skinned girl, with her Mondrals barely accounting for any height.

 

Suddenly the Jedi overseeing the meditation session was standing next to them with a serious face, calmly gesturing for them to leave the area.

 

 _Great_ The older girl thought to herself, contemplating the possible repercussions of getting thrown out of meditation.

 

“Meditation won't be over for another hour.” The Togruta seemed to be no stranger to this. “Do you want to pass it together?”

 

Barriss had a strong feeling this was a rhetorical question.

 


	15. Still Waiting

**5 APD**

 

Obi-Wan stood quietly as the young women exchanged their greeting. They were leaning into each other, their brows resting against one another, quietly talking. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but the Togruta was looking over to him and Luminara quite frequently. It was easy to imagine what they were talking about. Her face was looking mostly concerned, but lit up in a considerable warmth every time she turned back towards the Mirialan woman, who was stroking the inside of Ahsoka's palm with her thumb as they were talking.

After they had been standing on the far end of the greeting hall, across from the rest of the party, for a few minutes, Anakin took the initiative and walked over to them, greeting his former Padawan nonchalantly.

 

“Hey, Snips!” He spread his arms demonstratively, and as he reached the pair placed them around their shoulders intimately. Ahsoka gave him a reluctant smile, before the three of them put their heads together for another few seconds. After which Anakin turned away and walked towards the rest of them again, the Jedi and her girlfriend following in his steps, their hands firmly in each others grip. The Togruta's face was still far from lighthearted, but she looked a lot less gloomy than she had before and even smiled at them as they drew closer.

 

“You don't have to hurt me every time I'm about to speak.” He whispered, leaning towards the woman next to him.

 

“We will see about that.” The Mirialan master deadpanned in response.

 

As they came closer, Padmé quickly stepped towards them, squeezing the Togruta Jedi in a heartfelt hug. Nowadays she had to get on her toes to do so. Ahsoka had outgrown most of them around her maturity, save for Obi-Wan and Anakin, who still had a few centimetres on her.

When they finally reached the two masters, his sister in arms eyed them hesitantly, before Luminara broke the awkwardness by emulating Padmé.

 

“We were so worried about you!” The Mirialan stated dramatically, making a gesture with her hand that seemingly included Obi-Wan in her statement. “Where have you been?”

 

“I was--” She hesitated for a second. “visiting an old friend.” Ahsoka offered a sad smile, as Barriss noticeably squeezed her hand.

 

“Hello again.” The human master now greeted her friendly.

 

“Hello Master Obi-Wan.” the Togruta took a look at her feet, then searched Luminara's and his face for clues as to what they might expect her to say. She was obviously very uncomfortable with the whole situation, but after a moment looked at him confidently, almost defiantly. She was obviously intent on standing by their love. The human master on his part tried his best to look as friendly and comforting as he could.

 

“Maybe we should talk inside?” He offered warmly, gesturing towards the stairs leading up to the dining room prepared for their meal, as Padmé and Anakin were already about to reach the top.

 

There was more to the statement than simply talking about the new assignment or their relationship. Seeing them standing there, being so close, and worrying so much about his reaction had reminded him of something he seemed to have forgotten a long time ago. A part of him that I thought had always been there, but he couldn't see in all the things he had said and done today. And if he was honest in a long time. As they were about to enter the room, Obi-Wan stopped close to the door and addressed the former Padawan.

 

“Barriss, do you mind if I speak to Ahsoka for a moment?” His voice was filled with the usual warmth and carried no ulterior meaning.

 

“Of course Master.” the Mirialan replied and let go of Ahsoka's hand after pressing a reassuring kiss to the Togruta's cheek. Luminara shot him another concerned look, but he ignored her, motioning with his head for her to go on in.

 

Ahsoka just stood there, unsure what he wanted to talk about, but still seemingly unwavering in her intent to adhere to their relationship.

 

“Why didn't you talk to me?” he asked bluntly, but there was no reproach in his voice. He just sounded a bit hurt.

 

“I didn't thought you would be in favour, and we didn't want to put you in a situation were you had to decide...” the woman replied slightly rueful.

 

“I would have guessed as much.” He replied benignly, and took a moment to ponder how to put his feelings towards them. He had offered a rather generic, supportive response to the Mirialan, but this was Ahsoka, and she deserved a real piece of his mind.

 

“Your _mother-in-law--_ ” The way he said that mad Ahsoka almost grin immediately; She wouldn't admit it, but that was exactly how she saw Luminara, even if Barriss hated it when she did call her that. “berated me all morning for being oh so oblivious.” He frowned as he made the statement.

 

“The truth is;” he added after a short pause to congratulate himself on the joke “Only Padmé knows this; And I would very much like to keep it that way.” He warningly raised one of his fingers. “I always knew about _them_. Well, I didn't know they were married. They didn't invite me after all.” he said with a usual amount of roguishness.

 

“I love Anakin like a brother; I always have.” He took a quick look over his shoulder to check if someone was in range to listen. “And I love you almost as much. But I now see why you wouldn't trust me with your secret. And I'm deeply sorry for that. I told your girlfriend I couldn't condone it as a Jedi Master. And I can't. The rules are pretty clear.” He made another meaningful pause. “But that's not the whole truth. It shouldn't matter what I think, or the rules say. You obviously love each other. So long as you stay true to who you are, there is truly nothing to object to. Because, what good can there be in our ways, if we condemn love.” After finishing he simply stepped aside, offering the Togruta a way past him and into the room, giving no indication he expected her to say or do anything.

 

Ahsoka thought about the time he had known her, and, after hearing what he had to say, couldn't help but wonder why she didn't trust him to begin with. It all seemed so obvious now.

 

“Thank you Master Obi-Wan.” she replied politely, then turned to enter the room, but suddenly turned back, flinging her arms around the older man, pulling him into a tight hug. Obi-Wan, who had no time to prepare for the gesture, just stood there, arms spread, accepting the embrace. He had no illusions this talk would have gone completely different had they had it this morning. He would have to give the matter some serious thought later.

 

Since the young Jedi's concerns regarding her master's reaction had been largely eliminated, and given the otherwise intimate nature of everyone's relationship, the lunch went by uneventful. They had gathered around the rather large table, Ahsoka, Padmé and Anakin on one side, Barriss, Luminara and Obi-Wan on the other, enjoying a heartfelt chat while eating. With the recent expression of confidence and support, Ahsoka couldn't help but smile at Barriss, every time their eyes met. Although the Mirialan had planed it to be a surprise, in the wake of Obi-Wan's unfortunate way to tell Ahsoka about her future assignment, they eventually told her about Barriss quitting her hospital job to join her on the mission. Far away from any council to control or discipline them. The Mirialan master losing no opportunity to state how confident she was this whole problem would go away once the reform movement would have succeeded.

Ahsoka of course protested, stating she didn't want Barriss to throw away the job she had so much passion for. But Barriss quickly signified how her job meant nothing if she wasn't there with her. A sentiment the Togruta pretty much shared. After all she spend most of the time visiting Valstra seriously contemplating leaving the order to take up some mundane hired muscle job, teaching some rich kit how to use a vibroblade or the likes of it. In contrast to her reaction this morning, she now couldn't wait for the time to have passed already.

When they had finished their meal, they quickly dispersed around the small sitting areas around this level of the ambassadorial palace. Ahsoka and Barriss cuddle together on one of the large couches deliberating the many things the coming year may hold, as the Mirialan told her girlfriend about the prospects of the planed vacation.

Unusually for this day, Obi-Wan wasn't with Luminara, but sat with Padmé, playing a round of Holochess and talking about old times and the things on his mind regarding his friend's love.

All while Luminara and Anakin simply stood in front of one of the large windows overlooking the gardens, enjoying a glass of whine.

 

“Master Luminara, do you mind if I ask you something personal?” Anakin addressed the Mirialan.

 

“Not at all.” she replied friendly.

 

“I couldn't help but notice... a certain tension between you and Obi-Wan.” he stated politely. He didn't want to totally blindside her. Although he knew she recognised what he was getting at, the Mirialan didn't reply instantaneously.

 

“You know each other for a long time.” He added. They both were still looking straight ahead, out of the window.

 

“Yes, indeed.” the master replied neutral, but with a certain weight.

 

“Given the nature of our gathering here--” the human paused, considering his words. Albeit he had no doubt about Luminara's openness, he didn't want to be intrusive at all. “If you don't mind; I was wondering, is there _something_ between you?”

 

Why again did he let Padmé talk him into this?

 

“We had... It has been a long time.” she finally replied.

 

“But not anymore?” Anakin asked carefully.

 

Luminara took a long pause, still looking out towards the gardens unmoved.

 

“We haven't been anything since he and Master Qui-Gon left for Mandalore the first time. And when he returned he had left behind a piece of his heart. Without it there was simply no room for _us_. Additionally we both were in a place, were it would have simply be impractically with regular missions, his knighting, my eventual knighting and not to forget the separatist crisis; Even without considering _the rules_.” She pause for a moment and took a breath. “But there is more to it. You might remember, he wasn't always like he is now. Hiding sarcasm behind layers of sarcasm. There was always a great deal of his master in him; Friendly, compassionate, lovable.” She again paused for a moment as Anakin hummed in acknowledgement.

“That piece of his heart died when the duchess died. After that he had lost a lot of his warmth. I never particularly bought that he didn't know about you and your wife; But it was like he didn't want to think about these things anymore, let alone see them in others. Back in the day he was the first to point out to me, that Ahsoka did always beam a bit brighter when it came to Barriss. Yet when she left the order he didn't put one and one together, even as Ahsoka stood before us, practically crying.” She turned towards the other Jedi. “My point is. Maul broke something in him when he killed Satine. I don't even know if he'd want for _something_ to be there under normal circumstances.”

 

“And you?” Anakin didn't fail to recognise she had only spoken of Obi-Wan.

 

“I--” She paused for a moment that told him everything he need to know. “am not delusional.” Her look was quite serious now.

 

“I'm sorry Master Luminara.” the other Jedi hastily apologized, but the Mirialan only waved her hand.

 

“Its alright. I just don't want to give the impression I've been chasing the man for twenty years in hopes he might change his mind some day. I'm quite aware where we stand.” She offered a forced smile.

 

“The senator is currently trying to sweet talk him into attending the ball tomorrow.” Anakin added sheepishly, scratching his head. “She kind of expects me to do the same with you...”

 

Luminara looked quite indifferent.

 

“I'm attending. Whether he agrees or not.” she smiled amicably. The odds of that actually happening were astronomically small. Especially as he had to suspect a set up too.

 

“That was easy. I actually had a list prepared.” he joked.

 

“I think we need to return to the talks soon.” Luminara stated after they stood there for another while.

 

When the two of them rejoined the group Padmé greeted them happily. “Wouldn't you believe it, Obi-Wan will be attending.” She smiled self-congratulatory, before giving her husband a questioning look.

 

“I guess Master Luminara did too.” he answered almost cheerfully while Luminara's expression went numb.

 

After Padmé had informed them the girls were to stay with them after lunch, and they had said their goodbyes, the masters set out to return to the conclave. Now striding down the path leading towards the speeder platform they had come from. Luminara's arm tugged in under the other master's as usual, quietly leaning into him, a gesture he routinely put up with.

 

“It's been quite a morning.” he initiated.

 

“Quite the day actually.” the woman replied. It was almost past four. They had taken a lot of freedom by attending the event.

 

“About the ball;”

 

“Yes Ben?” she replied almost expectantly.

 

“I really didn't appreciate the constant berating and pestering today.” He spoke seriously and firmly. “And I'd really like for you to leave me be.” There was no distinct sense of animosity in the way he said it. The Mirialan still flinched at his phrasing.

 

“Oh, okay then.” all the warmth vanished from her voice as she let go of him. Within seconds turning to _Master Unduli,_ as she had done many times before. Although Obi-Wan recognised her behaviour as a direct consequence of what he said, he didn't felt himself in the wrong. Now thinking of it, he thought her behaviour to be entirely inappropriate given the nature and seriousness of the matter. While he hadn't intended to push her away, he didn't make any attempt to reconcile or apologise. So they spent the rest of the short path in silence.

 

“It's been really admirable how you handled the issue today.” Luminara stated politely but drily when they reached the speeder they had arrived in. “I just remembered, I have another matter to attend to. You go ahead. I'll join you shortly.” She added taking a step away from the vehicle as he was about to get in.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again sorry for the chapter and thanks for the still positive feetback. In all honestly I'd had expected to address an audience of 3. (counting the beta reader) 
> 
> I redcon my characterisation of Obi-Wan a bit in this. I recently read an article reflecting on his development during clone wars and in regards to Ep3 which I can only wholeheartitly agree to. So I might go back and change the wording in 2 or 3 lines in the 3rd and 5th chapter to fit better in the context of this.
> 
> PS:
> 
> The author wants everybody to know how much they hated the new Star Wars movie. Especially the cutsy space penguins. The only redeeming feature being Admiral Holdo and the respective acting of Daisy Ridley and Laura Dern.
> 
> The next time I see an internet outlet dragging some 7th rate physics professor into their article to explain how the Holdo maneuver was realistic because of the effect an object traveling with near light speed would have that effect on impact, you will see the bright flash of an explosion light up the night sky, and can be save to asume it was me, right after I beat the concept of non relativistic FTL into the author of said article.
> 
> Not Like the word HYPER drive would suggest something being hyper. And since there are not many things in math/physics that are described with "hyper" one would asume a physics professor would recognise the context. But maybe thats just me.


	16. If you put it that way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey there.  
> So preparation for the winter olympics has taken a toll on my creativity. (not a athlete)  
> The crushing feeling of authorial inadequacy didn't help either.
> 
> Nontheless I'm as always grateful for all and every feedback :)
> 
> I can't promise a return to twice or once a week yet, since my live and sleeping schedule will only return to normal once the ice hockey event is done.
> 
> I however hope this chapter atleast compensates you guys a little bit. I also did like four variations of it... so that's something
> 
> I was shocked to find out there is now better word than philistine in the english language to poletily describe a person not overly in touch with the fine arts. So obvlsy someone from a galaxy far far away would have no concept of an actual philistine... still though. :D

**0 APD**

 

Ahsoka spent the remaining time of the early afternoon, like she had her waking hours the day before, meditating and contemplating her feelings and the things Barriss had said. When the Mirialan had asked her on _the date_ , although she wasn't sure her intentions were what she had wanted them to be, she had thought it to be good thing. But after what she saw in the hospital and considering her friends reaction afterwards she couldn't help but wonder if there was a cost she had to consider; If every step they would take, every interaction that even involved the prospect of love, would leave a crack in their friendship, be it a small one, that was a price she was unwilling to pay. And in her mind Barriss had made herself pretty clear. She didn't want them to be anything more, even if she had before.

The conclusion, her own insecurity might be the reason they would never be together, plunged Ahsoka into an overwhelming feeling of hopeless despair. And the larger it grew, the narrower her perspective got. Gone all the things Valstra said, the pleasant memories and undertone when the Mirialan had told her how upset she was. The longer she dwelled on it, the more it grew into anger. Anger at herself, for being in love with her friend. Anger at the Mirialan for getting them into this situation by inviting her, by not being a Jedi anymore; The temple bombing! It was all Barriss's fault. If they both were Jedi they could have stayed friends indefinitely, but she had to ruin it. Why did she ruin it?

As anger fastened it's grip of her mind, Ahsoka became more and more agitated; Her breath growing heavier as her heartbeat loudened every moment. Raw anger and emptiness shrouding her heart, while she ground her teeth together and her eyes narrowed with contempt for the Mirialan's actions that, in her mind, led them here.

Just as the last bit of resistance to the thought was about to vanish, suddenly there was an overwhelming feeling of comforting warmth washing over he mind. It almost felt like hope itself was pouring into her, driving out the dark thoughts. At first she was irritated, but then quickly startled when she realised the things she had felt and thought. This was the reason the Jedi forbid that sort of attachment, and she couldn't help but feel guilty about her outburst in that regard. It had been the first time since Mortis she had felt like this. Hopeless. Angry. The realisation frightened her.

But there was something else. The feeling that had lifted her from her anger, that warmth and familiarity. She had felt it before. But when? She tried to remember, and did in a way. But only the feeling itself. Not it's circumstances, as if nothing else had been there. Maybe she should bring it up with Master Obi-Wan some time.

As soon as her mind had finally calmed again, she let her posture sink and spend a few more moments to accustom to the thought of maintaining her friendship with Barriss while again swallowing her feelings, like she had for so long. A task that, considering the hope she had had prior to their _date_ , amplified by Valstra's words, would be much harder than before.

 

 

**Barriss**

 

_You still at my place?_

 

**Ahoska**

 

_Hope you don't mind._

 

**Barriss**

 

_I'm going to get food on my way home. You want something?_

 

**Ahsoka**

 

_Yeah. You decide. I fine with whatever._

 

**Barriss**

 

_Ok. See you in a bit._

 

When Barriss returned with the food after work Ahsoka was camping out on the balcony meditating. Or at least pretending to do so, as she opened one eye immediately as the door opened, trying to take a look at the other girls expression over her shoulder. Its been two days, but the inherent awkwardness between them was by no means mended. As far as the Togruta was concerned, it could as well be yesterday morning, and the outburst of negative feelings she had had wasn't helping that.

As she entered the room, the Mirialan positively noted that her guest had indeed made the bed, and furthermore cleaned the room and washed the dishes she had left yesterday. A kind of thoroughness that wasn't usually within the Jedi's demeanour.

 

“Thanks for doing all the chores.” She greeted her friend politely. The thought the whole situation might turn out more awkward than she had anticipated wasn't beyond her either. Baby steps.

 

“No big deal. The least I could do after to let me occupy your bed for two days. I feel bad enough because you had work today.” Ahsoka had already gotten up and entered the room.

 

_Year, that's why I feel bad._

 

The former Jedi dropped her satchel and held out a white plastic bag towards the Togruta.

 

“Do you mind setting the table? I'm going to change really quick.” the Mirialan disappeared into the bathroom after grabbing some clothes from the wardrobe. When she returned Ahsoka had removed the different containers from bag and placed on the table in front of the couch.

 

“You didn't seem to have a dining space.” she justified.

 

“No, it's exactly what I meant. Take a seat, I'll fetch some water.” The yellow-skinned girl had traded her dress for a pair of black leggings made of some synthetic and a very comfortable looking black off-shoulder sweater with what looked like a sports bra underneath. She didn't wear any form of headdress but had her hair bound in short, messy bunches. The sight of her hair without any cover being pretty rare, even for Ahsoka, who for a short moment marvelled at her friends attire, that, while not revealing by any standard still gave her thoughts she would not admit to and were worrying in their own right, given her recent resolve. Although technically she didn't have a whole lot to actually imagine, since her memory of the sight was still rather vivid.

As the other girl returned, the Togruta picked up one of the containers and took a smell.

 

“Don't tell me you got Mirialan food.” She wrinkled her nose.

 

“Excuse me, you said you were _fine with whatever_.” the Mirialan replied drily and somewhat sarcastically.

 

“Right. Provided I can actually eat it.” Ahsoka rejoined snappily.

 

Barriss rolled her eyes before settling on the far end of the couch.

 

“The container marked with an X has Shilian curry in it.” She replied rather sharply. “Are the chopsticks to the lady's satisfaction or do you need something else?”

 

She wasn't really sure why she was so annoyed by Ahsoka's reaction so much. There was something about the notion of her complaining about the food that upset her more than it usually would have.

 

The Togruta in return looked at her in bewilderment. Barriss was the most polite person she knew, her actually sassing Ahsoka, even considering the outcome of the evening, was so far out of character she almost didn't know how to deal with it. And although the thought of the Mirialan actually still being mad at her obviously wasn't far fetched, she still felt hard done-by. After all she had taken every measure to appease her she could think of.

 

“Chopsticks will do.” She replied stubbornly. Though they both knew very well, for all intents and purposes, this was a lie.

 

Now both women were packed into opposite ends of the couch, quietly eating the food. The Mirialan gracious, with her legs neatly folded and drawn towards her side, Ahsoka slouching in her corner, one leg under her, the other over the armrest. The later helplessly attempting to scoop up the less solid parts of her meal using chopsticks, since she was bent on not showing any weakness; Making a stern face as she poked around in the container. Barriss on the other hand routinely picked apart the assortment of vegetables and balls of Hira, the most common Mirialan staple, a sort of grain that turned into a doughy paste when cooked. When she finished her meal, Ahsoka was still at it, helplessly trying to keep face. The Mirialan sighed and held out the fork and tablespoon she had brought when fetching the water, towards the Togruta. The other girl grunted in defeat before taking the cutlery from her, murmuring faint hints of unpleasantries.

 

When she finally had finished her silent meal too, her mood was slightly better and she was ready to try to engage her friend again. She placed the empty container on the table and turned towards the Miriralan to better address her, as she had been staring vacantly towards the door while broodingly eating. To her surprise Barriss was leaning in her corner sleeping, her head resting on her own shoulder, pillowed by her hands. Considering the short while it took Ahsoka to eat her food she must have fallen asleep almost immediately after finish eating. After all they hadn't spoken a single word.

The Togruta took a moment to look at the other girl, while deciding what to do now. The sight of the sleeping Mirialan had always be one of her guilty pleasures for as long as she could remember. Her own sleep had always been like Anakin's: Deep and purposeful. She fell asleep when she needed and woke when rested. Barriss on the other hand always looked peaceful when sleeping, as if the weight of the world was lifted from her shoulders.

Ahsoka slowly got on her feet, carefully making sure she wouldn't disturb the other girl's sleep. She could only imagine how tired she must have been after she herself had occupied her bed for two nights, while the former Jedi had to go to work. It, of course, occurred to her they had had worse days as Padawans, but this was different; _This_ was her fault. With all the care she could muster she reached out to hold the Mirialan's body and tilt her into a laying position. But as she set her down on the couch her friend started opening her eyes.

 

“Are you going somewhere?” she whispered sleepily, her eyes only half open.

 

“You fell asleep. I seemed you were very tired, so I assumed...”

 

“You can stay if you want.” The offer made the Togruta shiver. “I want to hear about the trials and the battle.” Her voice was getting even quieter now and her eyes fell shut again.

 

Ahsoka wanted to answer, but the other girl was drifting away again; Barriss really was very tired.

 

When she opened her eyes again, it was already very late afternoon and the sky was bathed in warm hints of orange. She was covered with her blanket and the empty food containers were gone from the table, but Ahsoka was nowhere to be seen.

 

“Soka?” the Mirialan called out into the apartment slightly panicking, while rubbing sleep from her eyes and sitting up.

 

“I'm here.” the Togruta's voice replied from the balcony again. She sounded a lot more like her usual self now, Barriss noted.

 

“Have you been here the whole time?” She inquired, still slightly sleepy.

 

“No. I returned Padmé's dress and went to see Master Plo in a … personal matter.”

 

“That's... good? I thought you might be gone when I wake.”

 

Ahsoka took a moment to ponder what to respond to that. It wasn't like she hadn't considered not returning; Even after what Plo had said. But Padmé had _strongly_ urged her to _not run away again._ Albeit she had no clue what exactly it was the senator was expecting to happen.

 

“So, Um, did you have any plans for today?” She opted to not address the remark at all.

 

“Well, I though we could catch up a bit. You haven't been around a lot lately.” she was too drowsy to be diplomatic.

 

_Maybe you want to tell me what happened the day before?_

 

“Well, I guess I haven't.” Ahsoka felt caught again, her voice jumping half an octave in the process.

 

“We could go for a walk--” She hastily suggested their usual, _very platonic_ activity.

 

“I think I'd rather stay and watch holo. I'm still tired.” The Mirialan folded the blanket in her lap.

 

“I can still go if you want to go to bed early.” Ahsoka subconsciously tried to steel away from the situation.

 

Barriss visibly frowned at the suggestion. If they were to sort this out, they'd have to do it sooner than later, given her friend's reaction after their last call she might never see her again if she left now. It still hurt her heart, but if the Jedi wanted to see them only as friends, she would have to accustom to that and not dwell on things that could be. After almost ten years it would probably be for the best.

 

“No, I still want to know about the chancellor.” she used as pretext. And it wasn't completely false; She had been very worried when she heard about the crash, that admittedly bore all the hallmarks of Ahsoka and her masters, and the fight against Palpatine.

 

Ahsoka hesitated for a moment, once more thinking about her earlier resolution.

 

“I'm picking the movie.” She replied jokingly a few seconds later, and threw herself down in _her_ corner of the couch again. “I'm not getting dragged into another adaptation of a Gatalentan opera.”

 

“Philistine.” Barriss retorted chuckling. The last time the other girl had sat valiantly through four hours of erudite music and advanced poetry with her uncomplainingly. She had earned the pick.

 

They spend the rest of the afternoon with Ahsoka recounting the fight against Count Dooku and how Anakin had saved Master Windu and defeated the Chancellor. The Togruta wildly gesturing with her hands, describing every sweep and trust her master had made in the detail. It was nice to spend some normal time together, and they both for the most part forgot about the past days.

 

In the evening they moved on to watching the movie. After arguing about the nature of said movie for about half an hour, they had settled for a semi biographical action flick about the adventures of the Jedi that became to be known as Darth Revan. Unbeknownst to both of them they had habitually moved closer and closer together throughout the evening, and at some point had covered themselves with a blanket as the nights could be really cold in the less dense districts, but they both enjoyed the pleasant atmosphere of an open balcony door. By now they were leaning together in the middle of the couch like they often did in the past, the Mirialan's head resting against one of Ahsoka's tails, while Barriss's holo terminal was sitting on the table in front of them.

 

“I'm just saying, that no one would use that opening stance with a reverse grip. They couldn't even be bothered to employ a fencing instructor!” Ahsoka stated slightly disgruntled as the movie neared it's end and the final battle ensued.

 

“I know Soka. But I don't think they gave much though to it. It's not a historical recording, you know?” Watching holo with the Togruta was always an adventure in itself.

 

“And what was that stupid hand gesture supposed to mean, was he ment to perform a mind trick on a _DROID_?”

 

“I actually read Jedi have been experimenting with specifically influencing certain circuits in droid brains for as long as they have been around.”

 

“It. is. Powered. by. Only. One. Galven coil and gas container. The beam does not change colour every burst.” The Togruta grunted at the screen and mildly pulled her tails.

 

“Well it might be if they use a rotary system to preserve the hardware.” Barriss offered again. She knew her defending the obvious _artistic liberties_ infuriated Ahsoka even more. The other girl only rolled her eyes and wiggled her nose defiantly.

 

Finally the credits rolled and the Jedi's posture eased again. Barriss was the first one to become aware of their _cuddling,_ and quickly straightened out her posture, to avoid any awkwardness, while Ahsoka took a look at her comlink; It was way past ten already.

 

“I think I should go now. Otherwise it might be hard to get to the temple. I wouldn't want to bother Rex this late in the evening. But it was, Um, nice to talk to you.” The Togruta added awkwardly and quickly shifted her weight forward to get up.

 

“I meant what I wrote in the note.” The Mirialan interjected reflexively and immediately pursed her lips.

 

_Why did I say that?_

 

“I have two sets of bedding, and it would be silly for you to leave now, after the past nights. If it's okay for you too I mean.” She tried to justify helplessly. Hopefully she wouldn't come off as desperate.

 

“Just an offer.”

 

_Stop it brain!_

 

Ahsoka let her weight sink to the couch again and seemingly contemplated the offer, while scanning the room for the object the farthest away from the Mirialan to anchor her eyes on.

 

“I. Er. Only if it isn't too much of an inconvenience. You probably have to work in the morning.” The Togruta politely tried to wind herself out of this, the last thing she need right now was a night long display of what she couldn't have.

 

“I actually don't. I took a couple of personal days. Well not directly, the medical director made me.”

 

_You could have lied, you know that, right?_

 

“Then it's alright I guess. Thanks to Rex I should have everything I need, so...” Ahsoka replied cautiously. Why was Barriss suddenly bent on making her stay? And shouldn't she be uncomfortable with the idea? Hadn't she established nothing good was to come of it? But then again they were still friends. And this would be nothing out of the ordinary. Well, it would have been a week ago.

About another half hour later they had finished their turns in the bathroom and the couch was converted back to a bed. Unlike the days before the Mirialan didn't have to crawl over her friend to get into the bed, and after a short discussion they had settled for them to keep their previous sleeping arrangement; Barriss curled against the wall and Ahsoka occupying the far side of the bed, now divided into two equal halves. Both women being very careful to not present any signs of physical affection as they settled for the night. The former Jedi, still tired from the day, fell asleep rather quickly. Ahsoka on the other hand laid awake for what felt like an eternity; Staring at the ceiling and contemplating the mess she got herself into. Their intimacy throughout the evening didn't slip her attention either. After carefully recalling every moment of the day she way sure about but one thing; Being friends was out of the question.

 


	17. Things we enjoy

**5 APD**

 

 

“I am trying to read.” Barriss stated calmly, turning a page in the book Ahsoka had brought from her mission. Her girlfriend hummed in response, but made no effort to stop what she was doing. They were sitting on the on the head end of the obscenely large bed in on of the palace's guest rooms. The Togruta leaning against the headboard, while Mirialan sat between her legs, resting against her body, with Ahsoka's chin on her shoulder and her arms around her waist. Her hands currently trying to crawl their way inside the brunette's top. Barriss was obviously suppressing a smile, but managed to not encourage the other woman, even as she kissed her neck. She simply caught both the Togruta's hands and placed them in her lap again. A bit of a miscalculation, as the Jedi simply shifted her attention downwards.

“It's been so long.” She whined as the Mirialan closed her legs and rested them to the side.

 

“It's been barely twenty minutes.” the smaller woman deadpanned and turned another page unfazed.

 

“You know what I mean.” Ahsoka pouted, now simply hugging her girlfriend and pulling them closer together, prompting Barriss to grab one of the Togruta's hands with the one she didn't need to read and stroke Ahsoka's palm with her thumb.

Ahsoka made another attempt to sway the Mirialan by starting to whisper indecencies into her ear, but the brunette quickly raised her hand to her mouth and shushed her, resulting in a puzzled look on the Jedi's face, before a flurry of tiny, barely audible footsteps announced they were having a guest. The feet went silent for a moment before the door handle clicked and the heavy wooden door started to slowly open.

In rushed the figure of little Leia, dragging a stuffed fox, practically her own size, behind her. The girl was giggling and laughing, and greeted them with a slightly breathless good morning, while making not attempt to slow down as she breezed towards the bed.

With a flick of her hand the Mirialan gave the tiny brunette a gently push, lifting her up to quasi force jump into her arms.

 

“Weeeeeeeeee” the little girls voice chirped as her colourful nightgown waved through the air.

 

“Good morning Lila.” Barriss greeted her warmly and held her for a moment, while Ahsoka hastily tugged their tops into place.

 

“Hey Shortcake!” The Togruta smiled and waved her fingers at the girl.

 

“Mommy says breakfast is served.” She grinned happily at the women.

 

“You want to go for a ride?” The Mirialan flipped Leia in her hands and sat her down on the bed next to her and rolled towards the closest edge of the bed. When she stood up next to the bed the girl had turned around, and she and Ahsoka apparently engaged in a grimacing contest. The Togruta obviously winning, as the girl burst out into laughter a moment later.

 

Barriss gave them a compassionate look and with another motion of her hand gently levitated the tiny person towards her, earning another happy giggle, and placed her on her shoulders.

 

“You have grown again; You will outgrow that clown woman in no time.” she said jokingly, turning away and towards the door, while the other woman quietly send her off with another grimace, before jumping out of the bed herself.

 

“You meant to say _greatest Jedi of them all_!” Ahsoka called after them while stumbling into her pants.

 

“What ever you say dearest.” the Mirialan lilted.

 

 

After breakfast, which gradually had evolved into a very late brunch when Anakin and Ahsoka had started doing Obi-Wan impressions, they went back to the apartment to switch clothes and get ready for the day, since they had arranged for some more activity before they had to get ready for the ball.

 

 

“You are late!” The human Padawan's voice greeted them as they got out of the speeder.

 

“Cute braid.” Ahsoka replied, dryly mocking the fact her friend was still a Padawan.

 

“Good to see you Caleb.” Barriss interjected and stepped in between them, before the conversation could descend into twenty minutes of bickering, during which Ahsoka would ultimately lift her shirt and declare she won because she had literally died for him.

 

“You too Barriss.” he replied in a resigning tone, deliberately ignoring the Togruta's glare.

 

“Where's your girlfriend?” Ahsoka teased, as Barriss exaggeratedly rolled her eyes.

 

“She is not... You know what? I'm not doing this right now. Hera is already inside and checks us in.” he stated as they turned to enter the venue.

 

Inside they were greeted by the Toydarian who owned the range. “You have the whole range for about two hours.” he took a look at his clipboard. “I'm closing towards the public as requested. You know the drill. Please don't wreck the place.”

 

“Thanks Toba!” the Twi'lek at the counter called after him as he flew away. The girl was wearing an overall with rolled up sleeves and a dark blue headband, her turquoise eyes looking at the rest of them friendly as she approached.

 

“Hera, how are you?” The Mirialan and the Twi'lek exchanged a warm greeting.

 

“I'm fine, nice to see you guys again.” Although they met only for the second time and despite their age difference, they got along really well.

 

“So, how are we going to roll today?” Hera addressed her force-sensitive friends after they got changed into the spare clothes they brought.

 

“I call dibs on the cute one in yellow.” Ahsoka grinned confidently.

 

“I don't think so. Today we sort by skin pigment.” Barriss replied almost roguishly and linked arms with the youngest in their group, upon which Caleb and Ahsoka eyed each other annoyed.

 

“No Jedi trickery and no force augmentation. The team that can carry the flag without getting hit wins.” Hera raised her hand and counted down the rules, before handing out the markers and satchels filled with differently coloured balls of paint. Then they took positions at the opposite ends of the field and chaos ensued.

 

Despite their bickering Ahsoka and Caleb were quite the team. Moving almost militarily through the gaps and cover objects around the range, even without using the force. But neither of them was used to doing things _manually_. So deliberately not using the force took a great deal of concentration in itself. Giving their opponents a considerable edge over them. The Mirialan was nimble and quick and would constantly outmanoeuvre both of them, while Hera was apparently a deadeye, especially with a paint marker.

Currently the Twi'lek was laying down a barrage of well aimed shots passing closely over their heads while they were ducking behind cover. Every attempt to look around or change cover rewarded with an immediate hit to the face. For a few seconds they weighted their options, before it occurred to Ahsoka that her girlfriend was nowhere to be seen.

 

_Shit._

 

A blob of paint splattered over her rear head tail. And another one and another one. And another one over the middle of Caleb's forehead. The Mirialan slowly pulled the flag from it's stand and walked back towards their end zone, as the Jedi watched in defeat.

 

“Another one with the force!” Ahsoka exclaimed a little sore.

 

Barriss only waved her hand in acknowledgement.

 

“No pushes, pulls, lifts or any other full contact telekinesis.” she added.

 

Despite that, Hera looked a bit worried.

 

“Don't worry, they'll focus on me.”

 

A few moments later the flag was sitting on it's place again and they had retreated to their ends of the field.

 

“I'll cover you first. When they open fire on me, you barrage them.” Barriss whispered. Hera only nodded.

 

When Ahsoka realised the terrible mistake she had made it was already too late. As the Mirialan had foreseen, the moment she showed herself they started to fire at her, upon which Hera fired a volley of shots in quick succession. All of which weren't even close to hits; Until the trajectory of the balls started bending and the whole volley went down on them at once. To add insult to injury the former Jedi had stopped the projectiles close before they would have hit, leaving the both of them standing in a field of levitating balls of paint. Only to quickly close her open hand moments later, bathing them in paint, causing her team mate to burst into heartfelt laughter.

 

“Gloves off.” The Togruta proclaimed determined, while green paint ran down her face.

 

Now all hell broke loose. To no one's surprise Hera and Barriss were without a chance in an open exchange of force jumps, runs and dashes, and were quickly defeated the following round. Although both of the Jedi had to admit that the former Jedi still wielded the force with more prowess and finesse than both of them.

 

As usual they didn't finish the whole set. After about three fourths of the time, spend mostly running, jumping and ducking behind cover, even Ahsoka was on her last legs.

 

When they took of the safety glasses they had to wonder how they were even able to still see through them. The four of them looking like they had rolled in a bag of ammunition for a few minutes.

 

“That was fun!” Hera stated sitting on the ground in front of one of the benches in the waiting area. Caleb, who laid outstretched on the bench behind her only hummed in acknowledgement, while Ahsoka sitting inverted, legs up, head down on the ground next to him gave a tired thumbs up, just as the Mirialan appeared carrying four large cups of lemonade.

 

“Do you want to do something else the next time?” the Twi'lek inquired.

 

“Like what?” Ahsoka replied lazily.

 

“Don't know. Go for drinks or something.”

 

“We would love to, but we can't really show ourselves in public.” the Togruta replied neutrally.

 

“Oh, right. I forget. Are you even okay with me knowing?”

 

“Well. If you tell on us, I'll just take it out on this one.” The Jedi softly poked the Padawan next to her. But really she had asked Padmé before they met the first time, and the senator had flat out stated she'd vouch for Hera and her dad, the senator who took over the seat for Ryloth after his predecessor was ousted by the anti corruption task force.

 

“Talk all you want. You love me.” He replied cheerfully.

 

“But real talk; Aren't you up for taking the trials?” Ahsoka flipped herself on the bench and was now clinching to her girlfriend while drawing from the straw of her drink.

 

“I _asked_ Master Billaba, but she thinks I'm not ready, yet.”

 

“Maybe you should ask Master Yoda for advice. He won't simply let you take the trials if you ask nicely, but his advice is always helpful.”

 

“Then maybe I'll do that.” he replied frustrated.

 

“Find something we can confine to a room or area and close to the public and I'm all ears.” she addressed the initial question again.

 

“You don't have ears.” Caleb interjected jokingly, before recognising the epic backfire he had set himself up for. Before he could relativise his statement the Twi'lek girl beat him to it.

 

“Neither have I.” Her slightly hostile tone, feint or not, made him cringe.

 

With a quick look to her comlink Barriss determined their time was up and they had to get going since they also had to get ready to attend the ambassadorial ball.

 

“I think we need to leave now.” She stated politely. “We'll leave you to your afternoon.”

 

“Thank you. I had a lot of fun!” Hera smiled friendly and hugged them both. The Jedi only exchanged a nod as Barriss and Caleb said their good bye.

 

“Use protection!” Ahsoka called out as she and Barriss slipped through the door and to the outside, earning her a parting glare from the Padawan.

 

“I love you.” Ahsoka suddenly stated when they were sitting in their speeder again. The statement itself was no surprise, but for Ahsoka to willingly make it out of the blue was, albeit not entirely unprecedented, a rare occurrence.

 

“I know you don't enjoy this half as much as I do.” She added before Barriss could respond. The Togruta's face didn't look unhappy or sad, but showed a certain seriousness.

 

“I love you too. And that's not true.” the brunette replied warmly.

 

“Yes it is. And I am unbelievable grateful you are always so considerate of me.”

 

“I get to do things I like all the time.”

 

“But without me.” Ahsoka wouldn't let it go.

 

“So you don't like to do _things_ you enjoy with me?” Barriss replied suggestively, trying to lift her girlfriend's spirits and dispel what was clearly the previous day's aftershock. “If you insist, I'm going to drag you through every opera house, art exhibit, library and archaeological site we come across on Padmé's mission.” She added before Ahsoka could protest, swiftly cupped her face with her hands and pulled her towards her and into a kiss; Leaving the Togruta smiling at her again when their lips parted.

 

“Good thing neither of us needs to have her hair done.” She deadpanned looking at her comlink again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what I said, but this slice of life bit practically wrote intself. I know its cheese... but I happen to like that kind of cheese.
> 
> Also. One may ask why use Kanan and Hera, to which I reply: Why not? The characters exist. Their lifes are up for debate given the fact catastrophy didn't strike. Ao I'm appropriating them instead of running with some meaningless OC.


	18. It Just Never Came Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After two weeks of working "bug" reports of the RTFM kind, I'm finally back.
> 
> The beta reader whole heartedly approved the chapter, so I'm mildy optimistic there is no inherent need to apologize...
> 
> Still though. I try really hard to strike the right tone here. As usual any feedback is apreciated :)

****0 APD** **

 

 

“ _Ahsoka trusted you, and you betrayed her.” Anakin's face was filled with righteous anger, as he pulled out his second lightsaber, just as a couple of temple guards approached the scene._

 

“ _No, she didn't!” Ahsoka shouted desperately. “She didn't do it. Please stop!”_

 

_Non of them seamed to even notice her._

 

“ _STOP!”_

 

With a loud breath the Jedi jerked awake. Disoriented and a still agitated she opened her eyes to convince herself that what she had seen wasn't reality after all. The first thing she saw, like the days before was the nondescript white of the ceiling. Impelled by the emotions she felt, her first impulse was to sit up in bed. But as her vision got clearer she recognised the short brunette hair and yellow skin in her field of view. Irritated by the sight and the possible implications the Togruta hectically looked around.

She was lying on her back, occupying the better part of what could be considered Barriss's half of the bed, with her outstretched arm occupying hers. She must have moved over in her sleep, gradually displacing the Mirialan until there had been no space left, forcing her to resort another one of their usual arrangements of the past. Doing things that would have been normal a few weeks ago, but felt very much inappropriate now, seemed to become a common occurrence. Their usual M-O when space was tight would be for Ahsoka to take the necessary space, since she usually had a harder time comfortably resting her head, and the other girl to fit somehow in the remaining space, resting the rest of her body on hers. Hence Barriss's head was now resting on Ahsoka's collarbone, cushioned by her tail, while her side was sitting on her body, with her arm around her torso and their legs entangled.

The Togruta weighted her options for a moment; Since the other girl was trapping her arm under her body, not to mention the fact was _practically sleeping on her_ , any step she would take to untangle them would inevitably lead to her waking the Mirialan. Basically the same result as if she simply waited for her to wake up on her own. And after all this was everything she had been longing for the past days and weeks; Even as she felt guilty about even entertaining the thought, she couldn't bring herself to end it just yet. If it wasn't for their friendship and her adhering to the code, this would be totally different, she told herself, the Jedi code being a welcome excuse for her inability to stand by her feelings.

 

After lying there for about another half hour, contemplating her talk with Plo Koon, she felt her friends body come to life, as her nimble fingers started to stretch, and her eyes fell open after she had blinked a few times. With a slight push the Mirialan hastily lifted herself up a from Ahsoka's chest; just enough so there was a slight distance between their faces, giving them some breathing space. Although she was still looking, albeit sleepily, directly into Ahsoka's eyes from what would still be considered up close.

 

“I'm sorry, did I sleep on you? You could have said something. I didn't want to discomfort you.”

 

Any other person the Togruta would easily allege ulterior meaning, but the other girl was just looking honestly concerned. Still the situation made her blush intensively.

 

“I could say the same. I was the one to force you into that corner.” Ahsoka mumbled, shifting her body to increase the distant between them, so Barriss could comfortably rest her body, and sat up cross-legged on _her_ side of the bed. She was trying really hard to cut to the chase. The other girl followed suit, and they now sat across each other, an unsettling silence between them.

 

_Now or Never._

 

“So, I wanted to talk to you about something--” the Jedi broke the silence, insecurely looking away when the Mirialan's eyes met hers.

 

“Always.” Barriss replied warmly and moved her hand to grab Ahsoka's, but stopped herself halfway and rested in her lab instead. The fact that her friend didn't even wait for her to be half awake conveyed a certain sense of urgency.

 

“I am, Uhm, glad things are... normal again. With us being friends and everything. Because I really want us to stay friends. And, Uhm, you know, I think I agree with you. But I've been thinking about you and us and this... this life you have.” she almost rambled herself in an incoherent frenzy of relativizations.

 

“Yes?” Barriss was curious where she was going with this, and still fought the urge to hold the Togruta's hands to calm her.

 

“So... I've talked to Master Plo and, Uhm, regardless of that I though about---”

 

Suddenly she was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell, prompting her to violently exhale.

 

“I'm so sorry; Hold that thought.” the Mirialan apologized and started crawling towards the edge of the bed, when her comlink started to beep.

 

“I'll have to take that. Do you mind getting the door? If it's Ewah just get rid of her, she has this incredible ability to know when I'm off duty and likes to unsolicitedly offer her advice, especially regarding her views on a _young woman living alone_ _during these times_.” Barriss instructed her, and accepted the call.

 

“Hello Master Luminara....”

 

Ahsoka meanwhile made her way to the door. Neither of them was really dressed, so she might as well get it in her sleeping clothes. She took a moment to adjust her top, then opened the door.

In front of her stood a Zabrak woman. Roughly her height, maybe a bit smaller. At first it didn't strike her, she just thought she knew her from somewhere but couldn't quite place her. The woman skin tone was somewhere in between a warm red-ish orange and brown, adorned with the typical tattoos of an adult Zabrak, quite unusually done with a bright, white colour, instead of brown or black. She had strong cheekbones, a slightly wide jaw and a pointy chin. Her sharp, yellow eyes looking straight ahead into the Togruta's face, proud and confident, as her full lips turned into a supposedly friendly smile, that felt fake and threatening. With a quick swipe of her hand and tilt of her head, she removed a messy bunch of her long velvety black hair from her face, tugging it behind her ear on the side opposite to her undercut, revealing a set of four small horns on her forehead. Ahsoka couldn't help but think that this was probably the objectively most beautiful woman she had ever met up close. And she knew Padmé.

The woman apparently tried to casually shove herself past the Jedi, but Ahsoka quickly stretched out her arm to block her path, causing her to visibly flinch.

 

“Who are you supposed to be?” the Togruta hissed instinctively, herself unsure why the woman, with her otherwise friendly expression, caused her to feel this uneasy.

 

“I could ask you the same.” the woman replied dryly. Her voice had an alluring temperature.

 

“But I asked first. And I am the one inside. Maybe you have the wrong door?” Ahsoka replied sharply, still wondering where she had seen the woman before.

 

“I'm here to see my _girlfriend_.” the woman replied confidently, folding the flabbergasted Jedi's arm with a quick swipe, making another attempt to get past her.

“It's you!” Ahsoka accused, barely in time mustering the composure the move her body to once again block the woman's path. By now her heart was racing. First off all, she now knew exactly where she had seen her before, this was the woman from the hospital. Secondly, _girlfriend_?

 

“Is that supposed to mean something to me?” the woman replied less friendly. “Who are you anyway?” She added, sizing up the Togruta. Ahsoka could feel the Zabrak's mood slightly darken, as she looked past her and into the room, without a doubt registering the state of the bed and their attire.

 

“I don't think that's any of your damn business.” the Jedi hissed again. She was rather curious what exactly Barriss's and the Zabrak's relationship entailed, but she also felt the strong urge to rip this impertinent person's head off; Having the audacity to show up at her _friend's_ doorstep and proclaiming to be her _girlfriend_.

 

“Ari!” the Mirialan's voice called out from behind Ahsoka. Apparently she had finished her call. The friendliness and intimacy her friend's tone conveyed made the Jedi flinch.

 

“So _I AM_ at the right door.” The Zabrak relied slightly sarcastic.

 

“Do you know this _person_?” the Togruta asked icy.

 

“That's Ariella, a friend from work.” Barriss explained nonchalantly, dancing past Ahsoka and engulfing the Togruta's apparent rival for her affection in a friendly hug.

 

“You never seem the have mentioned her.” Ahsoka stated accusingly, as Ariella only regarded her with a self-complacent smile, which infuriated the Jedi.

 

“You must be Ahsoka.” the Zabrak finally showed her hand, as the Mirialan let go of her and stepped back, looking at her with an affectionate smile, that infuriated Ahsoka even more.

 

“It just never came up.” Barriss tried to calm the waves.

 

“Right.” Ahsoka replied, trying to figure out which impulse she was about to give in to.

 

“We were just about to have breakfast. Do you care to join us?” the former Jedi asked politely, completely ignoring her friends death glare towards Ari.

 

“Looks like you were about to do other things too.” the raven haired woman replied, a mixture of jokingly and hostile, deliberately looking towards the bed.

 

Ahsoka suppressed the urge to simply agree with her to spite her.

 

“Oh no, we are not---” Barriss hurriedly interjected. If anything, she didn't want to put off Ahsoka by implying anything.

 

“You better.” Ariella replied teasingly and closed the distance between her and the Mirialan, while stepping in between her and the other girl.

 

“ _You better_ mind your own business.” the Togruta hissed immediately.

 

“What is up with you Ahsoka?” Barriss slightly raised her voice before the third woman could react to the Jedi's reply.

 

Ahsoka only shrugged. “I'm sorry, should I leave?” Her voice was sarcastic. “Maybe you want some privacy?”

 

Now thinking she had in all honesty asked Plo Koon for advice on leaving the order, while her crush was apparently having a thing with a fashion model. Without telling her no less. She felt stupid for even being sorry in the first place. Her emotions quickly gaining the upper hand.

 

“Why are you like this all of the sudden?” The Mirialan had never even seen this sort of behaviour in her friend.

 

“I'm just saying, if you need time with your _girlfriend_ , I've been bothering you with my presence for far to long already.”

 

Suddenly it dawned on the former Jedi. “Don't tell me you are jealous.” She replied slightly agitated.

 

“I'm not jealous. You can do what you want. I'm just trying to be accommodating here.” Ahsoka bit back, crossing her arms in front of her body.

 

The Mirialan completely ignored her reply.

 

“Should _I_ leave?” Ari interjected reluctantly. Her tone had shifted within moments and all the cheekiness vanished. Apparently she wasn't very keen to partake in this discussion. “I can leave the files on the cupboard and--”

 

“YES!”

 

“No.”

 

The Togruta tried to spit another snappy reply, but Barriss didn't let her.

 

“Do you think we, she and I, are _a thing_?” She paused for a moment trying to calm herself down.

 

“We are not. And even if we were, I am not accountable to you.”

 

“You _clearly_ like her.” Ahsoka accused again.

 

“Yes, yes I _like_ her. You have no idea. And frankly, after the stunt you pulled, you of all people don't get to be jealous. Even if it was what you think.”

 

“You could have told me before I made a fool of myself.” the Jedi replied dryly, hastily starting to pick up her cloths from where she left them in the evening.

 

“ _You_ made a fool of yourself?” A hurt sadness rung in the brunette's voice.

 

Ariella tried to say something, as she got aware of the fact that several objects around the room had started floating and spinning violently, while the two pyjama-clad women were arguing.

 

“It's the same all over again. You are not interested, yet you act the other way around. You say you want to stay friends, but you want us to be, I don't even know, _exclusive_ friends? What did you think? We are friends and I don't get to have a love life because of that? I'm not the Jedi in this equation.” Of course the Mirialan very much viewed herself as a Jedi still, but that was beside the point.

 

“I even saw you kiss.” Ahsoka burst out, desperately trying to defend herself and the supposed moral high ground she believed herself to be on. Unnoticed by the Jedi, Ariella tilted her head slightly confused.

 

Barriss hostilely squinted her eyes, as if she was contemplating saying a certain thing or driving a point she hadn't yet considered, but remained silent, just glaring at the Togruta for a moment, before again speaking.

 

“You know what? You really _should_ leave.” Her tone was almost completely neutral, as if she didn't care at all. The objects had fallen still again.

 

 


	19. Days of Future Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, speaking of apologies... T_T 
> 
> Sorry, guys, didn't want to hang you out to dry. I had a lot of stuff on my mind. Mostly work and life and you know. Anyways; It's not like I lost interest in the fic or anything. Quite on the contrary even. I'm just kind of burned out (not because of the fic writing though) I wrote 8K words before this. But wasn't really happy with it so I gave it a few more shots, before I came up with this. I still hope you guys like. Depending how much I get to write the next few days there might be more. I can't stress enough how I already know the ending(s) and whats going to happen, I just hadn't planed out the road ahead that far. Mostly because I'm an idiot. Enjoy :)

**0 APD**

 

The moment Ahsoka stepped in front of the building, her aforementioned ammo bag in hand, she slowly started to realise the what had just transpired. The anger, that had only a few minutes ago drowned out anything she might have felt, had dissipated, and was quickly replaced by guilt and fear. How was it possible she would almost casually tear down everything she had build towards within a blink of an eye? Without seeing reason or minding her friends feeling's at all. She had always believed this wasn't like her. That she did things only for the right reason, that being petty was beyond her. Yet, the moment she was confronted with her, let alone Barriss's supposed feelings, she couldn't contain her insecurity and anger about it.

She took a frustrated breath and dropped the bag next to her and sat down, resting against a pedestal. Just as she was about to break again a small white convor with green feathers on it's back and head set down on the bag next to her. The small bird tilted it's head slightly to left and was now looking directly at the Jedi, blinking it's light green eyes at her, like it wanted to tell her something.

 

“Who are you?” Ahsoka suppressed a snivel building in her throat.

 

The bird didn't answer, but hopped of the bag and made a round around her legs to her other side, where it picked the hem of her top, slightly pulling at it a few times, before it let go and hopped a few steps towards the building she just had left. The Togruta only looked a the bird in bewilderment, as it turned a few times on the spot and again eyed her almost expectantly.

 

“I don't think that's a good idea.” Ahsoka replied meekly, questioning her own sanity for talking to the bird. The convor shook itself a few times then suddenly jumped and flew away towards another direction. After quarrelling with herself for a few seconds, the Jedi quickly got up and started following in the direction the bird had flown off to. After going around few corners and through a small archway on the side of one of the close by buildings she found herself on the opposite side of the apartment building, where the bird was sitting on the backrest of a bench overlooking a small decorative garden in between the buildings that housed most of the employees of the embassy and members of the senate delegation.

As she made her way towards the bench, something changed; Somehow her attention slipped for a moment and she suddenly felt a strange sensation of disorientation. At first there was a bright white light outshining everything, probably the sun, but then she slipped through a shadow. It almost felt like she was wandering a dark forest, only small beams of light illuminating her way. She hastily open her eyes, she couldn't even remember closing them, and found herself setting on the edge of the bed inside Barriss's apartment. But unlike before, the room was completely silent, muffled, like she was under water, and the colours she saw were somewhat pale, as the world around her was almost blurry. In front her stood Ariella and Barriss, both were speaking, although her friend's face looked more like she was about to break into a sob. Ahsoka tried to move, but somehow couldn't as much as lift a finger.

She at least tried to get a clearer perception and somehow succeeded, but couldn't hear them, no matter how much she concentrated, as the image of the two women started to become clearer and more vivid.

Ariella seemed to mostly speak to Barriss, vigorously gesturing with her hands and looking at her almost reproachfully. The Mirialan didn't seem to react at all, but then looked her in the eye and spoke firmly for a few seconds. After that the Zabrak backed down a bit and appeared to be more restrained in what she said.

The argument seemed to go back and forth. The raven-haired woman reasoning and the other woman retorting. After a few minutes of back and forth, during which Barriss's face was entirely clouded with what appeared to be fundamental sadness, but to the Togruta's surprise no anger, Ariella looked at her sympathetically and enclosed her in a warm hug, that made Ahsoka wince at their closeness again. Yet they exchanged no other sign of physical affection or otherwise. The Zabrak seemed to finally say something else, after which Barriss timidly looked down and nodded. Seeing her love like this mad Ahsoka's heart twist in anguish. Being the cause for so much pain and sadness was almost unbearable to her. Shortly after their hug they exchanged an emotional goodbye before Ari left.

As the door had just closed, Barriss suddenly turned towards where Ahsoka was sitting, looking her almost straight in the eye, like she could see her, but after a few seconds turned away without a word, and sat down at her desk, starting to examine the files the Zabrak had brought.

A moment later Ahsoka was pulled back to reality. A painful and hurried experience this time, as she almost felt like falling and hitting the ground. When she finally opened her eyes after crashing out of her _vision_ she was lying on the pavement in front of the spot she had been sitting before. Unsure what part of her experience had been real, and what had been some sort of strange vision she looked around, searching for any trace of the strange bird, but couldn't find any. She pondered what this was all supposed to mean, but she was sure whatever strange power had shown her the vision wanted her to approach the Mirialan again. Against her better judgment, or better, despite her fears, she got up and entered the building again.

 

When the doorbell rang again Barriss already knew it was Ahsoka, who was impatiently shift in front of the door. She could usually feel the presence of the Jedi in a hundred meter radius, more so if the Togruta was with her in her mind. She didn't know whether she was ready to face her again, or what she thought to achieve in the first place. But she didn't have it in her to leave her standing outside. She even tried to adhere to their promise to never read each other as well as in any way possible, but Ahsoka's feelings were still practically pooling out of her, so ignoring them was virtually impossible. Especially since she seemed to mostly fix the Mirialan with her mind.

Nonetheless she had to take a moment to calm the still overwhelming feeling of anguish she felt over the way Ahsoka had reacted when she encountered Ariella, and their close relationship. In her heart she somehow knew that her friend wasn't completely in the wrong to feel disgruntled or jealous because she hadn't told her. But she had had her reasons, the possibility of this outcome was one of them. And it would have been easy to tell herself it was solely to protect Ahsoka, as dishonest as it might have been.

While she still fixed herself up for a short moment, the doorbell rang a third time already. She hurried to open it, but the Jedi's voice was already sounding through the metal.

 

“Barriss. I know you are upset with me, but I still need to talk to you. You remember? Before your friend... Ariella arrived, I wanted to tell you something. I still do. And if you want me to leave afterwards, its fine.” The Togruta pleaded through the still closed door. Her voice was calm, but also had the same pain to it the Mirialan felt.

 

“I need to tell you. Please. I'm going to talk through the door if you don't--”

 

Finally the door opened, but Barriss didn't say anything or even gesture for her come in. She just stood there by the side of the door, clearing the way inside. Ahsoka, who looked at her like she hadn't expected for her to actually open the door, followed the implied invitation and entered with her head bowed.

Still in complete silence the Mirialan closed the door behind them and indicated for her to sit on the bed with a gesture of her hand, before vanishing inside the kitchen for a moment. She returned two cups of tea in her hands. She apparently had put the kettle on just before the Jedi arrived.

Ahsoka was tensely sitting on the side of the bed, fixing the door with her gaze, when Barriss sat down next to her, folding one leg under her while resting the other off the side, so she was naturally facing the Togruta, and held out the cup towards the other woman to take it. Ahsoka hesitantly took the cup from her, still unable to look her into the eye.

Unlike the previous days and through all of this whole mess, the Mirialan made no attempt to physically comfort the Jedi. She just sat next to her, patiently waiting for her to say what she thought she had to. Ahsoka was suddenly overcome by the urge to run. If she just could run. She tensed again and subconsciously started pulling herself up when Barriss grabbed her arm, ever so gently pulling her down onto the surface of the bed again. Even as she didn't look, Ahsoka could feel her gaze on her face. Even now it was soft and full of compassion. The Jedi didn't think she deserved it at all.

 

“What did you want to tell me earlier?” The Mirialan was clearly trying to hide her feelings.

 

“So, I told you I went to see Master Plo yesterday.” Ahsoka stated meekly. “I didn't tell you what about.” She added, struggling to lift her head to meet Barriss's eyes.

 

When their eyes finally met she held her breath, and searched the Mirialan's face for signs of contempt of anger, but couldn't find any.

 

“I want to leave the order.” she finally blurted out and breathed again. Barriss face filled with something like speechless terror and a questioning look. Before she could reply the Togruta continued.

 

“I love you and I always have.” Ahsoka announced firmly and Barriss's heart skipped a beat. But she wasn't done yet. “And I never have, nor will I ever change my mind about that. And if being a Jedi means I can't be with you I don't want to. And I don't think the date was a mistake. But now I know we can't be friends anymore. And that scares me, because of how I feel every time we _fight_. How it makes you feel.” With every word she broke more into an almost incoherent mixture of rambling and sobbing; Now looking straight ahead again, she had been unable to bear the weight of the Mirialan's gaze. “And I saw that disappointment in your eyes. And then I saw how you were with Ariella. And it scared me so much, because I thought you might not like me like I do. And Valstra asked me what I'd do if you liked someone else. And then I thought about how we can't be friends because I love you. And everything was my fault. But I wanted to be there for you. And you were sort of happy when everything was _normal_ again. And--” As the Jedi was rambling on, Barriss gently grabbed the Togruta's chin and turned her head towards her again. When Ahsoka looked up her friend had closed the distance between them, and before she could react captured her lips in a tender kiss, that left her speechless. Ahsoka closes her eyes as the moment washed over her mind. Barriss's brown lips were soft and warm and left the familiar taste of tea flowers and fruit.

When the other girl pulled away only a moment later and Ahsoka opened her eyes again, her cheeks were burning bright red, as as the Mirialan rested her forehead against hers, looking at the Jedi affectionately.

The younger girl took a few seconds just admiring her steel blue eyes that only showed love and compassion, wondering if this was another dream; That she would jerk awake any second, to find herself in her bed at the temple, after she wouldn't see her ever again. If this was a dream she wanted to remember every little detail of it. A minute went by and nothing happened.

 

“I love you too.” Barriss stated softly, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

 

“I'm sorry I hurt you.” Ahsoka finally said sheepishly and sniffed, close to breaking into a sob again. It was the only thing she could think of besides what just happened. Even after that she felt any apology she could over would have been completely inadequate. Her mind hadn't fully comprehended what the Mirialan had said yet.

 

“I already forgave you.” Barriss stated and smiled lovingly. There was still a hint of tender sadness in it.

 

“What now?” the Jedi asked quietly. She wanted to be joyful and happy, or at least relieved. But there was still a certain heaviness too the situation. Even as she started to realise what just happened.

 

“Are you free tonight?” the Mirialan asked, as a slight chuckle went over her lips, and ran her hands down the sides of Ahsoka's arms and finally grabbed her hand, taking the cup from her other, before repeating the gesture, now squeezing her hands affirmingly. The Togruta gave her a faint smile in response.

 

“I'll be there.”

 

 


	20. The Speed of Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup. So I was unsure whether to go for some lightheartedness as an interlude. But I quite like it, so here we go.
> 
> Also, if you wonder were the present chapters are, there is a certain order I want to do things in at a certain point, and we are not quite there. And there are only so many fillers I can think of :)

**0 APD**

 

“I right don't get wot I'm doin' 'ere.” Valstra protested as they strode down the hallway towards the residency inside the Nabooan ambassadorial palace.

 

“In this matter there are only three people who's opinion I care about, and one of them happens to be the person I'm in love with. Which only leaves you and Padmé. So stop complaining; I need you.” Ahsoka replied determinedly. The Mirialan rolled her eyes, but didn't object.

When they entered Padmé's study, the tiny senator was chewing over some documents, their sudden presence prompting her to shoot up startled.

 

“Ahsoka, did something happen? We didn't expect you today.” she greeted them politely and got up from her seat. Only so slowly though, as her small body was weighted down by the children she was still carrying inside her.

 

“And you must be Valstra.” Padmé added as she stepped around the large desk.

 

“Yes, Senator. It's an honour to meet you.” Valstra replied politely, in what Ahsoka could only describe as perfect standard basic.

 

“What the--” the Jedi interjected confused, but the Mirialan ignored her.

 

“The pleasure is all mine.” the human replied. “For all I hear, you offered excellent council to Knight Tano.”

 

“If she so chooses to consider it.” the older woman replied, a smirk on her lips.

 

“If you two are done exchanging pleasantries, I have question.” Ahsoka interrupted a little bit sarcastic. She felt slightly taken for a fool by Valstra's demeanour until this point. Padmé, not having all the information, looked at her slightly bewildered.

 

“Why are you suddenly able to speak _normal_ _ly_?” the Togruta inquired, rather impolitely.

 

“What do you mean, 'normally'?” the senator quickly followed up.

 

“Machinist Hirala apparently doesn't deem me worthy of addressing me in proper basic.” Ahsoka deadpanned. Although there was a hint of seriousness in her remark.

 

“What she means to say is, I don't usually bother to mask my humble upbringing when I speak.” Valstra clarified politely. “But you are an esteemed senator of Republic. Etiquette dictates I address you properly. Also, I like to practice from time to time.” the Mirialan smiled mischievously.

 

_Since when do you care for etiquette Valstra 'fuck off yer wanker or I break yer fucking mug with a turbine wrench' Hirala._

 

“If that's so, please consider yourself among friends.” Padmé replied and went on to gesture for them to follow her to a small parlour bordering the study. Ahsoka couldn't help but roll her eyes at the way the smaller woman always kept up the polite manners.

 

“So, what's the big news?” Padmé asked, routinely pouring them a cup of tea as they settled around the small table.

 

“Uhm, well Barriss and I, we---” Ahsoka started to stammer.

 

“For fucks sake.” Valstra chimed in. “They spend three days cuddlin' up in 'er sweethearts bed, wiv nothin to show for it, _o_ _f_ _course._ Then Master Jedi 'ere got a pang o' jealousy, so they fought. And then they made up. _An_ _d_ out. Sounds about right, isit?”

 

The senator only smiled at the crude summary.

 

“So, have you talked?” she inquired, after Ahsoka apparently didn't make an effort to correct the Mirialan.

 

To be perfectly honest, she wasn't sure, if they actually did. She had poured her heart out, then the kiss. But they didn't really talk about it. Not that she was unhappy with the outcome, but Padmé's question got right to the heart of the matter. The Jedi opted for a non-committal answer.

 

“We are actually having another date this evening.” she replied, intensely eyeing the gap between the two women.

 

“That's great.” the human replied, but her tone signified, she was aware Ahsoka dodged the question. “How can we help?”

 

“I'm going to need _some_ credits.” the young woman replied sheepishly.

 

“I don't 'ave ter tell yer she don't care for material things?” Valstra replied. Padmé nodded agreeingly.

 

“No. I know, it's just; After the debacle that was the first date, I want it to be perfect. I'm going to need a dress and there are a few other things I want to arrange for.” Ahsoka added cryptically.

 

“One step at a time.” Padmé replied sympathetically, and took out her comlink to sent for the royal dressmaker.

 

They spend the time waiting with Ahsoka bringing Padmé up to speed on the past week in detail. Valstra piped up from time to time to _correct_ some misrepresentations the girl made while telling her side of the story, but otherwise the older women sat patiently and listened to all the things that had happened between the friends.

 

A short while later the dressmaker arrived. It was an older man wearing the brown Nabooan uniform. He had a big beard and a friendly face, although his skin was weathered and wrinkly.

 

“Owen. Come in.” Padmé greeted him.

 

“Senator.” He replied politely and hinted a curtsy.

 

“I am very sorry to trouble you with such a task on such short notice.” the senator stated politely.

 

“I live to serve.” he stated jokingly and offered an almost impish smile.

 

“And this is the lady at hand I presume.” he gestured towards Ahsoka. There was something in his face that the Togruta couldn't really place. If she didn't know better she'd say they'd met before. Padmé only nodded, while Valstra quietly observed the spectacle.

 

“Do you have an idea what we are going for?” he addressed the Togruta, who looked at him helplessly in return. Owen clapped his hand and a swarm of maids and two droids appeared from outside the room. Before Ahsoka could object, she was ushered up a small pedestal, as one of the droids and one of the maids started to vigorously pinching, twisting and measuring her.

 

“I'm thinking classical Togruta. Low-backed neckholder. A sash. Are you going to were heals with this?” Ahsoka only managed to shake her head. A second later she winced as one of the maids firmly groped her butt with both hands, and, before she could react, reached up her front and repeated the motion. After letting go of her the maid nodded towards Owen, who was still sizing up Ahsoka.

 

“Formfitting.” he dictated to the protocol droid next to him, and Ahsoka started doubting her decision to get Padmé involved. Valstra apparently found the show hilarious as ever. She and Padmé casually traded war stories and the Mirialan had a drink, while the Togruta got deprived of her dignity.

 

“Why are you wearing crimson with orange skin?” one of the maids asked condescendingly.

 

Owen hummed at the remark. “Dark grey and cobalt blue.” he instructed the droid.

 

“What's your shoe size?” Another of the maids inquired.

 

“Standard combat boots.” Valstra piped up, earning her a glare from the Jedi.

 

“The same as mine.” Padmé replied helpfully.

 

“What about jewellery?” Owen asked casually, while still taking notes on the dress and Ahsoka's measurements.

 

“Absolutely.” the senator replied decidedly.

 

“A more elaborate version of the headband. Upper arm bracelets. Lend or buy?”

 

“Lend.” Padmé replied.

 

“Buy.” Valstra interjected. “Don't worry _I'm_ buying.”

 

“Right. On a republic navy salary.” Ahsoka replied snappy.

 

The Mirialan only shrugged, not dignifying her comment with so much as a look, and threw Owen a credit stick. “Keep the change.”

 

The man took a look at the balance, then replied. “Very well.”

 

Both Ahsoka and Padmé looked at the other woman bewildered, who was largely unfazed by their reaction.

 

“Does your jeweller do Mirialan Kaitaras?” Valstra inquired.

 

“Yes, of course.”

 

“Then add one of those. Inlays Kyber if possible. Simple. You get the gist. And gift-wrap it please.” Valstra instructed. Owen only nodded in acknowledgement. There seamed to be a certain understanding between them, that apparently came very naturally to the woman too.

 

The Jedi squinted at her confused for a moment, as she again gave the instructions in basic.

“What happened to 'no material things'?” she asked sarcastically.

 

“Did yer read anything I gave ya?” The Mirialan replied as if that would answer any and all questions, and slightly rolled her eyes.

 

“You are not pranking me with a betrothal item or something?” Ahsoka followed up worryingly. Even the senator rolled her eyes at the question.

 

“Yes, right, that's exa'ly it. I just spend two grand on a prank ter ruin yer rela'ionship wiv the only person that ma'ers ter yer.” the Mirialan replied sharply.

 

“It's a gift that you give as a symbol of your heart to someone close you did wrong by, Ahsoka dear.” Padmé clarified. Valstra quietly nodded acknowledging. She was quite impressed with the senator's knowledge. Not particularly surprised though, her splendid reputation preceded her.

 

As the maids and Owen proceeded to torture the girl for a little while longer, Padmé eyed the older woman suspiciously. Something about her irritated her.

 

“Ahsoka said your name was Hirala?” the human senator inquired casually after few minutes of silence.

 

Valstra hummed affirmingly, but suddenly somehow looked caught. She tried to hide and pointedly fixed Ahsoka. She was almost sure the smaller woman was onto her.

 

Padmé on the other hand contemplated if she should ask the obvious question in front of Ahsoka. She didn't know if the Mirialan would answer if she wasn't comfortable with her knowing.

 

“Forgive me for intruding so impolitely inquisitive, but are you by any chance related to Rea Hirala. I know, it is a rather common surname, but you somehow remind me of her.” she tried her best to be as courteous as possible. The reason she gave was a stretch though; She only knew Senator Hirala's face from history class during the Legislative Youth Program. The connection was just something she had found in the back of her head. Valstra suppressed it as well as she could, but Padmé could notice her wince at the question.

 

“Who is Rea Hirala?” Ahsoka interjected before Valstra could reply, and blurted out an 'Ouch' shortly after, as one of the maids mettled with her back tail.

 

“She was a famed astrophysicist, senator, and chair of the senatorial Science Committee during Chancellor Kalpana's reign.” Padmé explained. “But she fell out of favour and was replaced as senator. We actually covered her story as an example of the intertwining of social and traditional issues with secular politics and it's consequences.”

 

“That's an odd way to say someone was deprived of their life because they _got pregnant_.” Valstra replied dryly. There was a bit of hurt in her voice. The senator gave her a questioning look, obviously wanting her to address the question in one way or another.

 

“My mother. Yes.” the Mirialan replied eventually.

 

“Valstra Taweret Serriss Hirala, illegitimate Daughter of the eleventh see of Mirial, heir to no name but my own, at your service.” she revelealed. The way she said it carried a certain discomfort.

 

Ahsoka's eyes widened to the size of the saucers on the table. Padmé only gave the Mirialan woman a compassionate look; She knew the story, but didn't want to say anything more, not knowing how much Valstra had shared with the young Jedi.

 

“Are you telling me not only are you apparently rich, but also Mirialan nobility?” Ahsoka asked flabbergasted.

 

“Filthy rich, actually.” Valstra replied half jokingly. “And technically no, as the non title states, I have no claim to anything.”

 

A third droid entered the room, carrying an assortment of large rolls of fabric in different shades of blue and grey, most of them looked rather exquisite, and the servants and Owen started tentatively wrapping the Togruta in them.

 

“But why are you prete---”

 

“I'm not pretending anything.” Valstra angrily snapped as Ahsoka was spun around in the spot.

 

“Yes, but why---” she managed to get out.

 

“Why am I not sitting in a big mansion, a mountain of cushions under my bottom, drinking tea and smiling at my servants patronisingly?” the Mirialan replied sarcastically.

 

“No offence Senator.” She added.

 

“Non taken. And 'Padmé', please.” the senator replied smiling. She knew the feeling all too well.

 

“That's not who I am. Everything I told you was true. I grew up on a ship. My mother was an ingenious engineer. I don't know why she made the decisions she did, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I had a happy childhood. And so you know; The Valstra you know isn't a mask. This one is.”

 

For a moment Padmé mused over what great friends she and Valstra would have been in another life. They were roughly the same age, and weren't it for the fate of the Mirialan's mother, they would have largely socialised in the same circles. And according to what she knew about her mother, politically speaking they'd most likely be in tune too.

Ahsoka didn't know what to reply to that. She supposed Jedi should be more understanding when it came to giving up privileges and titles, but somehow she had a hard time grasping that the uncouth and warm Valstra she knew was also a rich noblewoman, who would be quite able to hold her own in diplomatic circles she obviously despised with all her heart.

 

After Ahsoka's ordeal was finished for the time being, they spend another hour with Valstra and Padmé discussing the Mirialan's mother's legacy and her life. The Togruta mostly only observed, but was nonetheless impressed with the way the two women talked. It nearly felt like the had known each other for years, not hours.

 

“If you nevertheless ever have a desire to leave your hangar deck and embrace your mothers legacy, I would be honoured to have you as part of my delegation.” Padmé offered politely as they they said their goodbyes.

 

“Thank yer for the bloomin' kind offer senator, but I don't think that will ever be the chuffin' case.” Valstra replied, deliberately emphasising her coarse way of speaking. There still was an amicable smile on both women's faces.

 

“Thank you for all you already did.” Ahsoka thanked Padmé and hugged her. The Jedi and Valstra were leaving to sort out things at the restaurant. The Torguta had set her mind on arranging for their date to be in the private garden rather than the restaurant itself. Valstra had offered to simply buy the place, but Padmé and Ahsoka had objected to such 'obscene lavishness'. Luckily the place offered that kind of service, even on a very short notice, provided there would be an _adequate compensation_.

 

“So, do I have to address you as 'Your Serene Highness' now?” the Jedi joked as they left the vicinity of the embassy, prompting her friend to nearly burst into laughter.

 

“Be careful, I might still change me mind about 'elpin' yer.” the Mirialan quipped.

 

“Common, we only 'ave a few 'ours till the bloody fi'in'. And yer still need ter get the flowers.”

 


	21. Love, Save the Empty

**15 BPD**

 

“What are you doing?” Obi-Wan's incredulous voice demanded harshly, as he tried to make sense of the sight. Luminara was forcing her body through a small opening in a rock formation, at, what must have been the very bottom of the cave. The lower half of her body was completely submerged in the considerably fast rising water, while she apparently tried to reach something on the other side;

Steadily shoving her body deeper into the too small opening.

 

“The crystal, I can't reach it.” the set of legs sticking out from the hole replied annoyed by his inquiry.

 

“You are aware you have a lighsaber?” he replied sardonically.

 

“And risk collapsing the cavity?” the voice replied from beyond wall. “I almost got it.”

 

By now her legs, the only part of her body still on this side of the wall, were freely floating in the water, that was flowing freely into the other room, and by now threatened to submerge her. And the whole of the room at the bottom of the cave they were in, for that matter.

 

“You'll drown before you can reach it.” Obi-Wan cautioned, in his very Obi-Wan voice, and started tugging at her legs to pull her out of the opening.

 

“I'm not leaving without the crystal!” the Mirialan protested, and started kicking her legs, to keep him from grabbing onto her.

 

“And I am not leaving without you.” the human replied, by now vigorously rolling his eyes at her stubbornness, but also aware of the immanent danger she was in, _she_ so easily dismissed.

 

Luckily for both of them, over the short time he eventually manages to overpower her, and pull her out of the hole. Not a second too early, as they water filling the room starts to fully submerge the small opening, even forcing her to hold her breath for a short moment.

 

 

“You are freezing.” Obi-Wan commented, as they made their way up to the surface again. There were still plenty of other cavities to fill on the bottom of the cave, so escaping the water wasn’t that much of a concern. But it had been barely ten degrees outside beforehand, as the weather had shifted over night, and the rain didn’t help.

 

“I'm fine. I'm just going to meditate and...” the green skinned woman replied snappily, swatting away the hand gently holding her by her arm, as another noticeable shiver ran down her body.

 

“Don't give me that awesome Jedi crap. If you stay like that you will most definitely fall ill. Or worse.” the human argued again, his voice growing increasingly annoyed with irrationality and demeanour.

 

“I said I'm fine.” the brunette replied, obviously trying to sound stern, but the fact she was practically shaking betrayed her.

 

“Your lips are purple.” The other padawan pointed out, despite his worry, still a slightly smug expression on his face.

 

The way the temperatures had considerably fallen in the wake of the downpour, was a reminder that the apparent summery climate of the planet could be deceiving, as they were finally reaching the top of the cave, and the proud Mirialan Jedi was now completely shaking in her soaked dress.

Tired of arguing with her, Obi-Wan ignited his lightsaber, and whirled it around inside a large rock in the middle of the entrance room he entered through, creating a moderate heat source.

 

“You need to get out of that dress.” he instructed calmly, and retrieved his raincoat, he had left in the entrance room, spreading it out on the ground.

 

“You wish.” She hissed in response. Her tone was very hostile, although the cold had taken its toll already. Imbuing her voice with a noticeable unsteadiness.

 

“What is it with you all of the sudden? We are Jedi. And I have seen you naked. Multiple times. Since we were _five_.” he retorted slightly annoyed, but still calm, and Luminara didn't miss the kind of worry on his face, and the faint hint of emotion he radiated.

 

“And I wasn't planing for you to _stay_ naked.” he rolled his eyes again and started demonstratively undoing his over robe. Just as he was pulling the clothing over his head, he only just managed to catch the Mirialan starting to collapse on the spot, from the corner of his eye, and spun around, barely catching her in time.

 

“I told you so.” he whispered, while slowly setting her down on the ground next to the makeshift heater. Although he had to acknowledge the fact her slender physique had played a big part in it, since he wasn’t remotely dry, or warm for that matter, either.

 

 

When Luminara opened her eyes again, she was still pretty cold. That was the first thing she noticed. The second thing was a drastically decreased number of clothes on her body, that immediately made her frown, as she remembered the last thing that had been said between them. The third thing was the arm, pinning her in place against Obi-Wan's body in front of the still warm stone, while her head is resting on his shoulder, and the both of them wrapped in his heavy woollen raincoat, that was surprisingly dry, given the fact he had worn it while getting there.

 

There was a strange amount of comfort in this, that made her painfully aware of the turmoil of feelings inside her own mind again.

As she oriented herself, she found the majority of her clothes, save for her briefs, hanging over a large tree branch next to them, while her body was wrapped in three out of four pieces of the other Jedi's robes. For a moment she contemplated whether she should be angry at him for ignoring her wishes, or thankful he had intervened. She took a big breath, then slightly turned her head to make him aware she was awake again.

What she could discern under the heavy 'blanket', he was left with only the thin cotton undershirt and his pants. His boots were sitting next to her clothes near the heater. While he most like wasn't as cold, it couldn't be too comfortable either. Before she could say something another shiver went through her body, prompting him to turn his attention towards her, and his grip around her tightened again.

 

“You are awake.” he stated quietly, not making any attempt to let go of her. There was certain genuineness and caring in his embrace. “Sorry for not respecting your wishes. But you were unconscious, and I'm pretty sure also about to freeze to death.” he lightly quipped, nodding towards her clothes.

 

“Thank you for putting up with me.” She replied meekly, quite aware of the way she had been painfully illogical and hostile towards him, even when he tried his best to be consolatory despite her moodiness, and quickly decided to not be confrontational about it.

 

“I gave you a stim to get you adrenalin flowing. You should be able to show me up again in no time.” He stated, seemingly ignoring her remark. “Good to see you in green again. You had me worried there for a second.” he added smiling. Luminara lifted the coat ajar and found her skin had indeed assumed a more healthy green again. Relieved she let her posture sink again, and once more fully rested against the warmth of his body, for the moment, despite her better judgement, allowing herself to enjoy their closeness.

Thinking about the whole situation, and her recent ‘confusion’ regarding her friend. she was completely unsure what to say. They had never been particularly close in a best of friends way, but they were friends for quite some time now. And she had to admit that despite the former, nobody knew her quite as well as he did. He had just kind of always been there. During nervous breakdowns over test scores and the not so uncommon loneliness of teenagers, stuck with a bunch of older people, telling their hormone struck wards to keep their feelings in check. Obviously adult Luminara got what the Jedi teachings had intended to achieve, and for the most part agreed with them even, but now she was unsure if teenage Luminara wouldn't have thrown in the towel if it wasn't for the human hotspur and his teacher, that had always been more on the happy-go-lucky side of things. Even, much to the latter's dismay, defending her against her very strict, albeit caring master, whenever he threw one of his _you-are-not-good-enough-for-a-mirialan-jedi_ fits.

She berated herself for even developing these feelings. After all these years; Now that they would soon go their separate ways; And then taking them out on him. Him, who just tried to be friendly with her, even though he could be kind of an idiot from time to time.

 

The human padawan's soft voice broke her out of her reflectiveness.

 

“Here, I found this in one of the side rooms on my way down.” he held out a pretty large, but very natural crystal towards her. “You didn't get the one you wanted. So I though you might want to have this one.”

There was no undertone in his voice, just this infuriating cluelessness. The gesture came with the most outrageous naturalness and sincerity. He might as well been deliberately toying with her feelings. An angry frown started to form on her face, as she struggled for words to throw at him. Forgotten all the good intentions, she had just moments ago. There was a long pause. Too long.

 

“Are you alright?” Obi-Wan inquired worriedly, as she seemingly ignored what he had said.

 

An angry tear started to form in the corner of her eye.

 

“Why are you like this?” she asked accusingly, falling into a slightly thicker accent than her usually very clear basic, prompting him to give her a questioning look.

 

“I don't...” he tried to muster a reply to that, but was quickly interrupted.

 

“Why do you have to be so nice.” she specified in the same angry tone.

 

“I don't understand.” the replied puzzled, and not really picking up on her emotions that started to pour into their surroundings.

 

“That's the problem.” She snarled, fighting back her emotions, and physically distanced herself from him under the large piece of fabric, quickly brushing his hand off her body.

 

“Why are you so upset all of the sudden again?” he asked a seriously incredulous tone in his voice. “And don't say you aren't. We are stuck in this cave at least until the rain dies down a bit, and we are talking about this. I'm not having you point fingers at me all week, without telling what it is that I did to upset you.” He channelled all his underlying frustration of the last days.

 

For a moment the Mirialan looked like she was seriously contemplating the question, while staring daggers at him, but then turned away.

 

“Nothing. You did nothing.” She stated cryptically and fell silent again; Now just passively looking away from him, a neutral expression on her face.

 

“Then why are you acting like I’m constantly insulting you personally?” he quasi exclaimed in reply, almost looking like was about to throw his arms in the air in defeat. After a while of uneasy silence a sad expression started to settle on his friends face again, prompting him to carefully scoot over, again closing the distance between them. It wasn’t the main reason by any means, but he could practically see her body temperature drop. When he once again put his arm around her, she didn’t fight or swat it away, but nonetheless looked unhappy about it; If anything she was lacking the strength to actually resist.

 

“Luna.” He carefully began again, as she still forcefully averted her gaze, still this strange sorrowful expression on her face.

 

“Don’t call me that.” She hissed in response. The eleven year old Obi-Wan had come up with the nickname; Basically because he was too lazy to go through spelling out all four syllables. And the way it made her feel now, only increased her pain. The epitome of everything that was their relationship to her, and that it shouldn’t be.

 

“I am sorry. Just tell me what you want me to do.” the human pleaded, increasingly worried. He still had no clue what’s up with her, but their relationship meant more to him than he would admit, and probably more, than the code would allow for. And despite the fact, that he felt treated unfairly, that was the only thing that really mattered right now.

 

A sad smile flashed on the Mirialan’s face on that.

 

“You have never been the most observant to your surroundings Ben.” the woman offered after another long moment of silence. There was something about the tone of her voice, that made him entirely uneasy, like there was something in plain sight he just couldn’t see. He turned entirely towards her, intensely studying her face now, as Luminara still looked downward, apparently deep in thought.

Obi-Wan wasn’t sure what she was getting at, and instinctively opened his mouth to protest the statement, but before he managed to even do that, the other padawan turned towards him, gently locking their lips. Her lips were cold, but soft, and the kiss had an irritating feeling of familiarity to it, like they’d done it many times before. The human padawan’s eyes went wide as he realized what’s going on, but before long the Mirialan broke contact again, now searching his eyes for a reaction. At first Obi-Wan only looked at her puzzled, prompting her expression to quickly change into a mixture of worried and apologetic. But then his own expression quickly softened, and he brought his free hand to her cheek, carefully closing the distance between their faces again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey, probabely not the chapter anyone (except for one) of you wanted or expected. For anyone (probably everyone) who didn't follow the comments. It isn't abandoned, but I kind of grew apart from the flashback storyline during the technically very pivotal last chapters, and currently have the beta reader read over it to tell me if something wrong with it. Besides the fact I've been reading it like 20 times during the course of the last months. This chapter I wrote like, right after I wrote the last "real" one, but originally would have posted after the next "real" one. 
> 
> Besides that, I want to take this opportunity to thank you all for reading. If it wasn't for the frankly overwhelmingly positive response this received, considering that I still cringe at the many language and wording problems of the first few chapters, I wouldn't have stayed with this hobby of mine I hadn't entertained for about half my life, or since highschool to be precise. In a foreign language no less. So thank you for that.


	22. All The Small Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. Sorry, had to do the correction for this one myself and couldnt be bothered to wait another day before posting. Hope you enjoy. My BE is a little rusty after doing AE for so long. There might also be a stray present tense in there somewhere. I tried to hunt them down, but probably didn't get all of them.
> 
> I tried also really hard to get into the characters again. Hopefully it lives up to the expectations, or lack thereof.
> 
> Enjoy!

**0** **APD**

 

Barriss spend the better part of two hours eyeing herself in front of the mirror. Time and time again straightening out her simple black dress, at the same time the least practical item of clothing she owned; Removing and returning her headscarf; And looking at the picture of Ahsoka and her, wondering if she was making the right decision. She actually had tried to contact Luminara. After all her former master was the one who kicked off this whole mess by talking her into asking her Togruta friend out. And while she obviously knew that was just a flimsy rationale, the woman, who even though she didn’t like to admit it, was basically her mother, ‘s support would help a great deal right now. But the older Mirialan was currently out on some sort of Jedi business, so she had to trust her own judgement. And although she was somewhat optimistic in the regard, she still felt like she was taking an impossible risk; Like their whole friendship was about to come down on top of her. Deep down she knew, that the idea they could go back to how things were, was nigh delusional, but after all these years some part of her also clinched to the ideal of their friendship, she would have had so easily undone all these months ago.

She eventually settled for parting her hair to the side and loosely wearing the scarf over it. A middle ground she found to accurately reflect who she currently was, afters some deliberation. Well, as much as she actually knew that herself. There was no big secret in the fact she still very much viewed and for the most part conduct herself as a Jedi.

Over all the memories she had wallowed in during the past hour, she had lost track of time, and even though she could clearly feel the clones arrive at her door step, almost flinched startled, when the buzzer finally broker out of her trail of thought. She quickly set down the picture on its place, and opens the door. Outside she was greeted with the by now familiar sight of Rex and Fives, surprisingly in full dress uniform. As soon as she stepped outside, greeting them with a friendly nod, even though she was more than slightly surprised, both the soldiers hastily snapped into attendance. The way Rex looked at her, like she was the supreme commander of the Republic Army, made her frown, but also brought a soft smile to her face over the fact they were completely unable to shake their distinct cloneishness, even after all these years. They didn’t exchange much words besides the clones’ overly formal greeting, but Barriss had expected them to go towards the landing pad. The more surprised she was when they very ceremoniously escorted her to the palace and through to the part of the gardens closed to the public.

When they reached the small opening in the in one of the meticulously landscaped plantings, Fives immediately clicked his heels, turned, and strut away wordlessly. From the corner of her eyes she registered the older clone slightly turning towards her, prompting her to raise an eyebrow. But before she could think anything of it, the man spoke up.

 

“Commander...” He began. Barriss wanted to protest the usage of the title, but didn’t get a chance, as Rex quickly corrected himself.

“ _Lady_ Offee. I cannot speak to your standing with the Jedi _or_ the Republic. But let it be known that you have never done anything to lead me to hold you in any lesser esteem than I did when we fought side by side.” He establishes solemnly, making a short pause.

“And while I had far less chance to observe your prowess in battle and _otherwise_ , your masters and _Ahsoka–_ ” He pointedly referred to the Jedi by her first name “–always spoke highly of you; And I have no reason to doubt their judgement.”

Another pause.

“With that said; Be aware we were also very thoroughly trained to take down force users.” he stated in a completely level voice, looking at the girl with a completely serious but otherwise neutral expression. The Mirialan, who completely understood what he was getting at, only nodded– After all she completely agreed with the sentiment –and Rex silently gestured towards the entrance, then quickly turned and left too.

 

At the end of the small path she was greeted by the sight of the Togruta girl. To her great surprise Ahsoka wasn’t clad in one of her uniforms or any other piece of clothing she had expected, but a beautifully tailored neckholder dress. The top of the dress was simple and formfitting, made from a silky grey fabric, that nestled nicely around her body under her tails, while Ahsoka would probably protest the whole sentiment, exceptionally well emphasizing her physique. _And_ she was definitely not wearing anything underneath. Around her waist the fabric of the dress was interrupted by a thick blue obi, together at her side with a delicate bow. The material wasn’t as plain as the dress, but rather embroidered with a very detail floral pattern, that stuck out from the matt silk in a much darker shade of the same blue. Where the dress emerged again, the skirt quickly split off into many different layers and shades of a darker grey and more complex type of fabric; The many different layers underneath the fabric of the top consisting of different patterns and fabrics, growing in length towards the centre, almost reaching the ground, while the outer parts almost resembled a slash, cutting off closely above the orange skin of her knees. The ensemble was completed by an assortment of fine pieces of nonetheless very modest pieces of jewellery, that would almost not qualify as such on the first sight, and a pair of flat, almost knee high lace sandals, that would probably also enable her to run in it with ease.

For all her usual composure and seriousness, the sight of the taller girl in the beautiful dress, _her best friend_ , almost made the brunette forget how to breath, as the picture unforgettably burned into her memory, and she struggled to maintain her composure.

When Barriss’ eyes eventually wandered up towards the younger girl’s face again, she was greeted with an anxious expression, as Ahsoka alternated between looking at her expectantly and visibly staring past her, while fidgeting in front of her body. A long moment went by without either of them saying anything, before the Togruta, still hesitantly, took a few steps forward, almost placing them in arm’s reach from each other, but still not completely closing the distance.

 

“I like the headband.” Barriss complimented, awkwardly filling the silence, and offered a genuine smile, while forcing herself to hold eye contact. Another silly aspect of it all. Weren’t they able to communicate virtually any information by just looking at each other.

 

“ _Uh_ , yeah. It’s been a gift.” Ahsoka offered in response, but seeing her slight misstep hastily added “I like the hair.” As flimsily as her reply may have been, it was the truth. She had always liked her hair, and thought the at times almost tomboyish look suited her, even under all these dresses and her cowl; Especially after she had cut it even more. If it would have been up to her, she would have ditched the cowl ages ago. For fashion reasons, of course.

 

“You look great.” The Togruta announced after another short moment of silence, unable to bring herself to call her _beautiful_ , and slightly stepped aside, to clear the way towards the small clearing in the gardens where the table had been set for them. “After you...” She was entirely unsure what level of physical contact would be appropriate, so she skipped that part. Barriss visibly frowned at the way the other girl practically jumped away from her, but then complied, and almost levitating gracefully walked past the Jedi, leaving her blinking owlishly at the sight.

 

“So, no restaurant?” The Mirialan inquired standing next to table, as Ahsoka hastily caught up to her. The vicinity was entirely lit by numerous candles and other natural light sources.

 

“Yes. No. I mean… there will be food!” she quickly replied, scrambling to pull out the chair for the brunette to take her seat.

 

* * *

 

They spend the better part of the first course in awkward silence, with Ahsoka from time to time offering answers to the few questions the Mirialan had about the specifics of the arrangement of the location and circumstances of the date. While Barriss held herself up rather dignified, even though she wasn’t exactly confident about the whole thing, Ahsoka mostly indulged herself in small fits of awkward laughter and clumsy avoiding any and all mention of the past week’s events.

 

“I have something for you.” Ahsoka finally announced, as the course was cleared. “A gift.” she quickly added, fiddling with the fabric of her belt, procuring a small box from in between the layers. The brunette gave her a question look. Surely the Jedi wasn’t about to propose to her or the likes. Nevertheless she reached out to take the item from her intrigued.

 

“I’m sorry for the date. _And_ the past few days. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” the Togruta iterated, as Barriss opened the small box.

 

Inside the shorter girl found a wooded sphere, about the size of a big chestnut, adorned with beautifully carvings. Large, curved recesses revealed a milky white crystal in its core; A Kaitara.

As the core started to turn light blue from her presence, the Mirialan looked up at the other girl in disbelief, even with all her usual composure and keeping her emotion’s in check, noticeably touched by the gesture.

 

“How did you...” she began, looking up at Ahsoka again, still holding the item in her hands.

 

“I read about it. _And_ Valstra helped me figuring it out.” the taller girl replied truthfully, not really daring to hold the brunette’s gaze.

 

“But you didn’t need to...” the brunette reassured politely and hesitantly eyed the olive fingers in the centre of the table. It was stupid really. Like all of this; A day ago they spend the evening huddled together in front of the holo; But that might as well have been a lifetime ago.

 

“But you deserve it.” Ahsoka quickly announced into the rapidly forming silence. “I haven’t even been a good friend the past few weeks; Let alone...” She paused, again visibly insecure about what to say.

 

“Thank you. It’s very thoughtful. I love it.” The shorter girl replied with a soft smile, and let the back of her hands grace the bare skin of the Jedi’s arm in a soothing gesture. But the touch almost had the opposite effect; The soft shiver noticeably running down her body, almost making her recoil from the contact, and the Mirialan’s expression turned almost sad at the realisation that this might be part of the new normal now. Especially if things wouldn’t work out.

 

“Do you remember our promise?” Barriss asked softly. – Back then, when the war, death and destruction weren’t a constant part of their lives, and thes spend one of their little vacations in Dantooine, they had sworn to never read each other. And although the implication had been mostly onesided and the promise had been mostly out of the poetic though than real necessity, she, _both of them_ , had always honoured that promise.

 

“Yes.” Ahsoka replied, giving the other girl a questioning look.

 

“Do it.” the Mirialan invited solemnly.

 

Seeing the intense expression on the brunette’s face, the Togruta quickly closed her eyes, focusing and trying to attune herself to her surroundings. Slowly the veil clouding the force cleared, and she was able to clearly see the other girl, heightened by Barriss intentionally quasi pouring her presence into the force. A second later Ahsoka’s eyes snapped open.

 

“You love me.” she established, in a strange tone, like she had forgotten about that morning entirely. The brunette only nodded lightly.

 

“And I always will, no matter what happens. Please never doubt that, or our friendship; Regardless of what might happen. I’m still the same person. As are you.” She added confidently, and simply reached out, taking the Togruta’s hand in hers and dragging it to the centre of the table. Ahsoka blinked at the gesture and looked down at the touch pursing her lips, but didn’t pull away.

 

Before Ahsoka could reply, the main course was served, and Barriss gently let go of her hand, prompting her let out a small sigh. Nevertheless the Togruta looked a lot less agitated after this.

 

* * *

 

Following the brunette’s admission, Ahsoka spend the longest time cursing herself for not being able to properly reply to it. But supposed it couldn’t be helped. Luckily she remembered that her friend still hadn’t heard all the stories about the fight against the Chancellor and some of the stories from her recent travels, so they spend some time with the taller girl in great detail telling about the happenings of the past months and her knighting. Although she pointedly omitted most other details relating to her _other_ Mirialan friend. Unfortunately the other girl remembered very well.

 

“I have a question.” She interjected politely and picked up another piece of vegetable with her chopsticks.

 

“ _Hmmm_.” Ahsoka hummed through a mouth full of mostly meat. When she looked up at Barriss, she found the brunette’s face worryingly serious, so she hurriedly gulped down the food.

 

“You didn’t try to kill yourself, did you?” she looked at the Togruta intensely, and Ahsoka felt suddenly very small. Because in the back of her head she had known what she was drinking. She just sort of didn’t care. All she had told the bar keeper was to give her a bottle of whatever was the cheapest. But he had told her what it was; And she wasn’t stupid.

 

“No, I… it was an accident.” She offered. “Mostly….” She added, making an Ahsoka face. In hindsight it of course had been. She supposed she hadn’t really thought of the consequences.

 

The shorter woman for a moment considered her answer. At first it seemed like her expression was about to darken, but then it was just worried. “Please don’t do that again.” She implored lightly with a friendly smile, apparently having decided to believe her.

 

“What made you lose the cowl?” Ahsoka asked to fill the silence forming again, and because she was at least a little bit curious, unknowingly for once saying the right thing apparently, because the Mirialan’s face suddenly lit up in a light shade of brown.

 

“I wanted to impress you, I guess.” she stated straighforward, but nonetheless hastily brought her glass to her mouth to drink some water, with a slightly embarrassed expression on her face tilting her head and her gaze away.

 

“I love your hair!” the Togruta stated quietly. “I love _you_.” She added after a pause, and looked directly at Barriss. Even though she had already said it, the words almost caught in her throat. But it was the truth, and right in this moment she felt like screaming it from her lungs. “I love you _too_.” she reiterated. “I am completely in love in you.” Ahsoka rephrased again, trying to find a version that would accurately convey how she felt.

 

“I missed you.” she finally announced. “I _miss_ you; Every second we are apart. I miss you looking at me annoyed when one of my plans goes south. And I miss the expression on your face when you sleep.” She added. “Because you are amazing and beautiful and...” the taller girl rambled on, pouring her heart out, but stopped when Barriss gently placed her hand on hers with an affectionate smile on her face.

 

“You are amazing too. You are strong and funny; And your lightheartedness in the face of great danger and dire situations always brightened my day. Still does.” the Mirialan paused for a second, looking at the other girl intensely.

 

“And you don’t have to dress up to impress me. I always loved you for who you are, not despite of it. _Although_ you look really hot.” she added, trying out the taste of the word on her tongue with a light blush. Saying something so ungraceful had after all always been more her former master’s forte.

 

“You always loved me?” Ahsoka asked with a strange mixture of relieve and surprise on her face, completely ignoring the last remark.

 

“Yes, Soka.” Barriss replied with a slight frown, but then only smiled at her reassuringly.

 

“So, _Uhm_ , should we kiss now?” Ahsoka asked almost comical serious after another moment. The way her mouth twisted and curved from smile to something entirely different and back elicited a soft chuckle from the brunette.

 

“I thought you would never ask.”


End file.
